Thursday, October 30, 2014

Hall to the Ween

I'm not a big Halloween person. Even though it's a holiday that celebrates candy, my favorite food group, I don't particularly like going out of the house in costume. Yes, I live in New York, where you're likely to run into pantsless people wearing fright wigs even when it's not October 31, but I've always liked to walk the streets anonymously; despite what my social media accounts might suggest I really don't like drawing attention to myself, in the flesh, in public. Hence some recent "costumes" that could be normal clothes, like my Around the Way Girl of 2009, or even my pregnant hillbilly of 2006 (in retrospect, it could also have been Kate Gosselin):

When I was wearing a coat, I just looked like a hugely pregnant person with bad hair.

It wasn't always this way. I used to go whole hog. When I was five, I was the only girl in my kindergarten class to cross hetero-normative lines when I cross-dressed as Peter Pan:


In 1992, I was a kind of Medusa-lite witch, only to be upstaged by my sister, in what now seems like offensive brownface, as a Hershey's Kiss:


Even when I was fifteen, and arguably far too old to be trick-or-treating, my BFF Adri and I went as undead Ernie and Bert (note the homage to my former unibrow):


Looking through some old photos to find these memories of Halloweens past, I also discovered that I often found myself in accidental costume throughout my youth.

For instance, I was amazingly ahead of the trends when I went as Lily from Modern Family just months after my birth:

Kidding, I don't have two dads--the one on the left is my uncle.

Or how about my risque take on Teen Mom at age six?


Or my political statement when I recruited some friends to go as the Symbionese Liberation Army that same year? (I will also accept: young Sarah Palin.)


At my friend Betsy's wedding in 2008, she and our third Butlerette Ellaree helped me achieve my look as a cast member of Little People, Big World.


And one night after a few too many glasses of wine while watching ANTM, my friend Beth and I raided Jeff's and my wig collection to create an imaginary Simon and Garfunkle-esque duo composed of Aileen Wuornos and Clara Bow.


Even right now, typing this, I'm basically dressed as Randy Quaid in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, unwashed and grizzly, wearing a robe and knee socks. (All I need to complete my costume is to yell, "Shitter was full!")

Hmmm. Maybe I don't need Halloween, after all. Maybe I am one of those people I inch away from on the subway. The More You Know.

P.S. At Sam's request, we are going as Yo Gabba Gabba characters this year. Pray for me. Photos to come!
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3 comments :

  1. I don't know which picture is making me pee myself laughing more- the Una Has Two Daddies or the Wuornos & Bow: Best Friends Tour.
    I had a weird thing going in primary grades where I'd dress as another holiday's mascot- I was the Easter Bunny, Santa, and the Tooth Fairy (not a holiday, but a cousin to the others). In Kindergarten I was the One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying, Purple-People-Eater… and only my teachers got it. Thanks, Mom, for only exposing me to music 30 years before my time.

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  2. One person's Halloween costume is another person's normal attire. I once sewed fringe on a tiny black slip and went to a bar as a flapper. A woman stopped me in the lady's room to ask "Are you going to a wedding?"

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  3. Capture your great
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    Dream interpretation

    ReplyDelete

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