Monday, April 28, 2014

Celebrity Autobiographies That Need to Exist for the Good of Humanity

Bacon Bits, by Kevin Bacon
I mean, duh. This is a no-brainer, like Geiss Cubes from 30 Rock.

Woah is Me: Blossom-ing Out of My Shell, by Joey Lawrence
Am I the only one waiting for this? You know what, don’t answer that.

I Once Got Busy in a Burger King Bathroom, by Humpty Hump
Sells itself, plus bonus fast-food advertising tie-in.

Barack The Boat: Paddleboating With POTUS
I’m envisioning a coffee table book with lots of glossy photos of Barry in cut-off shorts.

You Can’t Spell Tyranny Without TYRA, by Tyra Banks.
Optional subtitle: … or Tranny!

Duckie Tales--OR!--Cryer me a River, by Jon Cryer
He worked with Charlie Sheen for eight years. Let the man tell his stories.

Ione Have Skyes For You, by Ione Skye
I may be taking this a little far.

Any of the following by Tori Spelling:

Public lavaTORI 
Rectal supposiTORI 
NoninflammaTORI Gastroenteritis 
Finding the cliTORIs


  1. Your brain works in genius ways.

    1. Sadly MENSA doesn't agree :( :( :(

  2. remember that picture of us laughing? Yep, I'm giggling like THAT again. You're a pop culture genius. :)


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