Friday, August 16, 2013

Big News

Forgive the brevity, since I'm on vacation and busy fostering a light jaundice that most people would call "Edward Scissorhands after being doused in flour," but which I proudly call "tan."

But I have news. Big news.

UNABROW, the book--the one I've been joking/secretly but actually not at all desperately hoping I'd one day write--

I feel this needs more ellipses, for emphasis...




Okay, maybe too many now...

Anyway, it's being published. It's REAL.

(This cover, however, is not real. This cover is me + Photoshop + half a bottle of Prosecco. The label said not to touch heavy machinery, but there's nothing about irresponsible use of software.)

I'll share more when I come back. For now, just know that dreams do come true. And my Tinkerbell tattoo finally paid off.

(Although, don't get a tattoo of a Disney character in a visible place for the sole purpose of getting a book published; it might not work out, and then you'll have to explain that tramp stamp of Smee to everyone at the senior's pool.)

(See, I'm already dispensing valuable life lessons. This book is gonna be great.)

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Are You Afraid of the Park?

Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society: A gritty new drama called "PLAYGROUND."

The anti-heroine? A mother, coming up hard on her mid-thirties with the crow's feet and wine teeth to show for it, but still scrappy; the kind of gal who whose Old Navy Rockstar jeggings have seen their share of pudding stains in suspicious places.

The ingenue? A sweet, snub-nosed scene-stealer, three feet or so (think vintage Olsen, not Dinklage), with hope in his heart and one thing on his mind: Balls. (Think Fisher Price, not Fire Island).

The antagonist? Some tow-headed little bitch in a floral romper who thinks she can push mama's baby down when all he wants to do in life is climb the slide in wet shoes, JESUS CHRIST IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

The comic relief? A pair of WASP yuppies playing "fromagerie" with their toddler, a never-ending game in which they loudly reject his surprisingly educated suggestions for soft cheeses from the Rhone Valley.

The network? On Demand, in my brain, forever.

Sleep tight now.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...