1. Funny gif of someone crying
Not a sociopath, just needed it for a blog post. Chill.
2. Girl with Down Syndrome posing with Barbie
Okay, okay, look, I know this one sounds fucked up, but I just needed to confirm my sister's assertion that a photo of me was the first image result.
Which... is true.
3. Chris Messina naked
[Record screech sound effect] HOLD UP, Obama. Is a lady suddenly NOT allowed to get drunk watching The Mindy Project at 3am on a random Thursday? WHATEVER, FASCISTS. (Kidding, Barry; I love you. And Chris, I'm sorry for exploiting you. Your face just looks like your ass is cute, and I had to check. Surely you understand.)
4. How can I buy gun in bulk online
Ahhhhh, Jesus, GUM. How can I buy GUM in bulk online. Did I mention I never learned to type? Look, if you don't believe me, just look at my teeth. I could floss with caution tape. Case closed.
5. Baby penis question
Yikes, this one is the worst, and I could see how you thought I might be a pedophile, or someone who doesn't speak English as a first language. But no, I just own a baby and he has a penis, and sometimes I don't know what it's supposed to be doing or how to clean/care for it properly.
I hope we're square now, feds. Have a great weekend. And let me know how I can get that photo out of the Down Syndrome search. It's, frankly, disrespectful.
That is Tropical Miko, not Barbie.