Monday, April 1, 2013

Klassic Lit, Kardashian-Style

A year or so ago, my friend Beth gave me the Kardashian's "novel" Dollhouse. It was a joke gift, something free she had gotten at work, but I was kind of excited. I mean, check out the creativity they employed for the plot:
Nothing is more important than family. Just ask Kamille, Kassidy, and Kyle Romero, three beautiful, loving, deeply loyal sisters. Their mother has remarried and their new stepfather, a world-famous all-star baseball player, has come complete with two stepsiblings. Life in L.A. is pretty typical for this newly blended clan. 
I don't know where they come up with this stuff.

So, yeah, that was dumb. But not nearly as dumb as this:

Oh, that's right. If you love J.D. Salinger, Joseph Heller, or Fyodor Dostoyevsky, you'll love this delightful re-imagining/sullying of their time-tested masterpieces. From the book jacket:

The Katcher in the Rye: Kole Kaulfield, a handsome prep student, embarks on an adventure in New York City, where he thinks a lot about random things and seems sad, until he wears a special hat and talks to some ducks or something and feels better.

The Khosen: Two girls, Kamden and Kendra, meet playing softball and become best friends even though Kamden is Greek Orthodox and Kendra is a Kabbalist. Kamden's dad is kind of a dick. Also it's olden times, and no one has iPhones.

The Kanterbury Tales: At a really exclusive dinner party, some Pilgrims tell each other stories, and most of them rhyme.

Katch-22:  An Armenian pilot named Kanye Kossarian flashes through time, sort of like Lost, only instead of being dead at the end he's kind of just crazy and a total bummer.

Krime and Punishment: Kody Kaskolnikov is a really poor fashion student who decides to murder the owner of a high-end consignment shop so that he can do nice things for other poor people, and find out what killing feels like. And also get some new pants.

The Kount of Monte Kristo: At 19, Kobe Dante seems to have the perfect life: he's engaged to a hot girl named Mercedes, he's about to get his own yacht, and he's famous for making fried turkey sandwiches, which sounds gross but is really lucrative. But then his friends get him arrested and there's like a thousand pages of stuff after that.

I, Klaudia: Ancient Roman socialite Klaudia, who struggles with a stutter, vacations with her family to Kumae, where she meets a really ripped lacrosse player, and also some prophetess helps her stop talking weird.

The good news is, we can stop looking for the next Great Novel of Our Time. Sorry, Franzen. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.



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  1. Love it! Khaucer would definitely approve of the 're-imagining' of his classic... xx

  2. I read yesterday that Kourtney is thinking of offering to be a surrogate for Khloe. I was so sad because the once change we might have had of diluting that genetic clusterfuck just got wiped out.


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