Monday, March 11, 2013
Guess what I haven't done in over two years?
If you guessed "squats on purpose" or "gone to the dentist," you're also right but those aren't the answers I'm looking for.
I won't give you the explicit details of my imMENSE(s) milestone, since I'm a lady. Suffice to say my ovaries have awoken from their prolactin-induced paralysis, and my uterus thinks it's all cute, dancing around like, Woot! I can make babies again! while I make the sign of the cross and curse under my breath (not the usual combo, I know, but I like to mix it up). The good news, of course, is that the cramps make me fold in on myself and crumple to the floor, which means that about 50% of the time Sam misses my head with whatever blunt object he's throwing around the apartment.
Also, I counted, and it's been 777 days since my last (side note: someone please come up with an un-gross word that doesn't make me sound like I wear velvet pants and collect crystals) cycle. Isn't that like a slot machine jackpot?
I know, I know; I said "slot." Sigh. I bring this on myself.