Monday, December 10, 2012

The Big Reveal... That I Basically Already Spoiled With Hints Because I Am Incapable of Keeping Secrets

Please listen to this song while reading the post. Yes, I am being overly dramatic. So what? I never have big news.

 

It happened kind of suddenly, last spring.

Sam was only eight months old. I thought, how am I possibly going to do this?

I thought, I have no idea what I'm doing.

But I also thought, this is what I've always wanted.

And I was happy. So deliriously happy.

And then I totally and completely got my ass kicked. But in the end it was worth it.

And now I can finally share the news.

Like J.D. Salinger, David Sedaris, and Tyra Banks before me...

I have written a book.


Now, I know what you're thinking. This is not my oft-promised autobiography Unabrow: Confessions of a Hirsute High Schooler, nor is it my oft-dreamed of Billy-Allison Melrose Place fan fiction bodice-ripper, 50 Shues of Hay (it takes place in a barn).

No, Five Summers is a good, old-fashioned young adult coming-of-age novel about four best friends from summer camp. I like to think it's the kind of thing Judy Blume might have written if she subscribed to UsWeekly and used the phrase "douchebag." It's (hopefully) funny and (definitely) angsty and ON AMAZON ALREADY, which means it's real. Oh my God it's real. I wrote a book*. Jesus fuck.

And I guess I can't say things like "Jesus fuck!" when twelve year-olds start reading my writing. But I don't care. Shit, you guys. Fuck. I'm gonna get it all out now.

*Longtime readers might recall that this is technically my second book. But When Cathy Learned Sign Language had a very limited print run. So this is big for me.

I have a lot to say about it, but pretty soon you'll be sick of hearing about it, so I'm going to save any more gushing/expletives for later.

In the meantime, if you have ever truly loved me (or even just kind of liked me), please spread the word. And if and only if you are so moved, please like or pre-order it on Amazon so that the Amazons (not the all-female warriors of Greek myth, just, you know, Internet people) think I'm the next J.K. Rowling, trapped in the body of a woman who sometimes, after a few glasses of wine, looks disturbingly like Vinnie from Doogie Howser.

I'm sure I'll do a give-away on the blog, too, and obviously I'll be buying up hundreds of copies of the book myself, so that I can shoot them out of a tee-shirt cannon in Times Square like a modern-day Mary Tyler Moore.

Maybe, just maybe... I'm gonna make it after all?

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43 comments :

  1. I'm preordering right now! (Well, next week, because right now all my $$ is going to my dog's dental bill today, but NEXT WEEK!)
    I might not be able to wait until May.
    Congratulations!!!

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    1. Thank you, Gesci! In the months leading up to release, I'll be posting some excerpts and other details on the Five Summers FB fan page.

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  2. I am not commenting here very often or perhaps even never ... But by golly I am so buying your book! And if it's even half as funny as this blog I'm buying all the next ones too ;)

    Congrats!

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    1. Thank you so much, I'm flattered!

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  3. Just preordered! Congratulations!

    ~Steph

    Sparkly Quirky Lifebox

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    1. Woo hoo! I will make it worth your $12.14, I promise.

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  4. Ordering for my Dear Daughter! Congratulations. I LOVE You!!!!

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    1. Aw, thanks! The love is mutual!

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  5. A huge congrats, from someone who knows how very hard it is to reach this goal... load up that t-shirt cannon, girl!

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    1. Thanks, Susan! I just hope I don't inadvertently kill Maude Flanders...

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  6. I'm so happy for you, Una! Congratulations!!

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    1. Thank you so much, Teri!

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  7. oh this is so great!! wow, congratulations! (maybe you truly ARE wonder woman?! i mean, geez, writing a book whilst taking care of a baby...over-acheiver!! haha.)

    i'm going to possibly have to pre-order this just for me...

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    1. Haha, thanks! I do not recommend writing a book in the first year of your child's life, but the good news is that now I fear nothing. And I hope that adults will love the book, even though it's written for teens. It doesn't have the crossover appeal of The Hunger Games, but I like to think of it as a throwback to the YA books of my/our generation, and I wrote it with a lot of nostalgia for those simpler, more innocent and fun reads... before everyone was fighting for their lives in dystopian worlds.

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  8. Hoot rah! You think YOUR dreams are coming true? I've been waiting for your words in print for ages! (Because printing your blog posts and stapling them together just seems cheap. And creepy.)

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    1. Not creepy at all. I once printed and stapled a whole year's worth of blog posts for my internet-averse grandma. But buying my book will be less time-intensive, and easier to carry on an airplane :)

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  9. Well color me excited! I love mea good comedic/angsty coming of age tale. Congrats on making your dream a reality!

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    1. Thank you! It still feels totally nuts and made-up.

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  10. HOW did you ever keep this HUGE secret? Order it? You know it .

    Not only is YA one of my favorite kinds of reads, but your writing?? I'm in love with your writing. This is going to work, Una, as people read and talk, it's going to work. Envious, yes, but more gloriously happy beaming and proud for you.

    High Five. To Five Summers.

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    1. Thank you, Al. I big puffy heart you.

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  11. HURRAY! Congratulations! You never forget your first book. (they're not as good as babies, but near enough). And by the way, it's a fact that published authors don't do dishes or the recycling.

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    1. Great tip, Lucy. I do not think Jeff knows about this.

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  12. Congrats!!! You should be very, very proud. :)

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    1. Thank you, Erin! I am... though it's hard to fight the self-deprecation. Must... be... earnest!

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  13. Yay! Congratulations! :)

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  14. Congratulations! Welcome to the madhouse that is Amazon! :)

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    1. Haha, thanks! Yeah, it seems like an obsessive rabbit hole I should try to avoid falling down...

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  15. Super fantastical! Congratulations!

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  16. Cathy6:55 PM

    Oh my gosh! As someone who has avidly read your insightful and witty blog over the years, I just know your book will be amazing! Can't wait to read it!!

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    1. Aw, thank you! Thank you especially for sticking around during the post-baby post drought!

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  17. Congratulations! Hope you'll have lots of fun promoting your book, too.

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  18. Can't wait to read it! So exciting. I teach high school English, so you can bet I'll be adding this to our class library!

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  19. Wow that is great news!! You're super impressive for getting that done with baby around. I was hoping the news was a new baby but this is cool too!! Just not as adorable.

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  20. As a faithful reader and fan im def buying this book... Very exciting stuff congrats :)

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  21. Congratulations!! Now go reprint your business cards to say "Published Author!" :)

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  22. This is awesome. I have read your blog for a long time and really admire you and your writing style. I can't wait to read it! I teach high school, so I look forward to sharing this with my students and librarian. I hope you get über famous!

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  23. Yay you! I have a teen girl, will be ordering for her! And reading first. Like when I gave my sister a sweater for Christmas but wore it before I gave it to her.

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  24. Endless congratulations! I'll definitely be getting a copy! When did you find the time??? Thanks for finally doing what I've been hoping you'd so since I discovered you some four years ago... and also inspiring me to get my butt in gear and do the same! CONGRATS!!!

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  25. Rebecca11:48 PM

    congrats!! Pre-ordering tomorrow when I am closer to my credit card.

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  26. Anonymous11:53 PM

    I can't wait to read it myself. And I know who my first YA girl recipient is going to be already (because my girl is only 7). But there will be a copy on my bookshelf waiting for her because I know it's going to be one of those books I wish I had when I was an angst-ridden teen! Congrats!
    HeatherS

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