How to Be the Object of Chris de Burgh's and/or a Bloodhound's Unbridled Lust

Today I saw this link online:

Psssssht, I don't need to click that. What do you think I am, stupid? Common sense steps to achieve this look:

1. Go to a farm or a ranch somewhere, or to the Arctic if you want a musk ox and not just a regular ox. I don't know if their blood is different. Maybe ask Dr. Oz?
2. Slaughter ox. Strap to roof of car. (Maybe cover it with an old blanket or something to avoid suspicion/permanent stains.)
3. Shrink-wrap your whole apartment, Dexter-style.
4. Drain blood from ox. I don't know how to do this. Maybe ask Sarah Palin/Survivor Man?
5. Dispose of ox (if it won't fit through your window, you will have to taxidermy and incorporate into your existing home decor.) 
6. Drench self in ox blood.
7. Mingle.

Shit, I forgot the most important step: Make sure it is fall.

"Oh no. It's May. I am so embarrassed."

Otherwise you'll look like an asshole.

How to Be the Object of Chris de Burgh's and/or a Bloodhound's Unbridled Lust