Thursday, November 22, 2012

30 Days of Thanks in 30 Seconds

On Facebook this month, my news feed has been full of people doing 30 Days of Thanks, where they express gratitude for something different approximately every 24 hours. Naturally I do not have time for this, as I am too busy trying to entertain a toddler with a shoebox, or listening to Jeff make inappropriate Elmo jokes--thanks to the recent controversy, it's really his moment to shine--and other extremely important things.

But being that today is Thanksgiving, I wanted to jump on the bandwagon in a half-assed way, as is my general wont. And instead of 30, I'm doing 13. Not because of that Jennifer Garner movie. Because 30 is a lot and I tire easily.

(And, side note, I hope it goes without saying that there are a lot more serious things that I'm thankful for. Like, if I had to choose between Hurricane Sandy relief efforts and gifs of Will Smith doing the Running Man, I would OF COURSE pick the first one. However, no matter what the New York Times says, I don't generally buy into the importance of being earnest, at least not on a blog that's mostly about watching Bravo and eating Girl Scout cookies out of the trash.)

So here's what I'm irreverently thankful for this year:

1. That human hands make turkeys so easy to draw.

I cannot take credit for this. I stole some kid's drawing off the internet. I picked this one because it looks like jazz hands AND testicles simultaneously.

2. That I finally learned how to save gif files and can therefore gift your eyeballs with these moveable feasts:

3. Children's toys on Amazon that sound, on paper, like S&M gear: Double Pounding Bench; Ring and Trap Combo; Deluxe Monkey Bouncer; Hammer Balls; Whipslammer;  Glow-in-the-dark Gimp.

4. The increasing ubiquity of places you can use a debit card, and for the kind vendors who refrain from judging me, at least to my face, for charging a bottle of water.

5. That my BFF Beth's husband Michael came up with the perfect way to describe Honey Boo Boo's mother, June: "She looks like a thumb."

Mean, but true.
6. Honest Toddler (which I suspect is written by Sam*).

*I know his name. You know his name. You know I know you know his name. I'm tired of worrying I'll forget and slip up with the initial. And writing "S." always makes me think about S. Epatha Merkerson. Not that she's not lovely; I'm sure she is. But she's not my baby--not in the biological sense, anyway. Not in the romantic way, either, I should clarify. Although I'm sure she'd be a wonderful partner. 

7. Digressions. Also, incomplete sentences.

8. Ira Glass, whose sweet, reedy voice on my This American Life podcast gets me through protracted bedtime sessions.

9. Louis C.K., Chris Messina, and (DO NOT JUDGE ME) Luis from 1980s-era Sesame Street, who are my current celebrity crushes.

10. Speaking of which, everything about 1980s-era Sesame Street. (But especially Luis... in tight bell bottoms and a muscle tee... singing about the letter U. Side note, he's 72 years old now, and I am gross.)

11. Banh Mi. I know I'm late to the party, but damn.

12. Fran Lebowitz, Nora Ephron, Tina Fey, Lena Dunham, and all of the other funny and brilliant women writers who inspire me on a daily basis. See? I can be kind of earnest.

13. Okay, fine, I'm too lucky to finish this list without gushing like George Bailey at the end of It's a Wonderful Life. I'm thankful for my husband, who is endlessly patient and even-tempered and silly and wise and warm and talented and devastatingly handsome, and who loves me for who I am, even when who I am is a histrionic Muppet who can't get a grip and see her life for the charmed wonder that it is. I'm thankful for my baby boy, who is sweet and hilarious and deliciously adorable, and who fills me with a joy that more than makes up for the (continued) sleep deprivation. I am thankful for all of my families, whose support and love I could not live without, and whose mild dysfunctions I would not trade for all the wine in Spain. I am thankful for my friends, whose support and love I also could not live without, and who help me to support the Spanish wine industry as we blame our families for our mild dysfunctions. I'm thankful that I get to do something I love for money, and that the next year will bring exciting new career milestones. And I'm so, so thankful for you guys, who take the time to read my writing here even though I don't have time to blog much anymore, and for encouraging me and boosting my ego with your kind, thoughtful, and funny comments--even though, like an asshole, I don't often respond.

Shit. "Like an asshole" isn't a very good way to end a surprisingly heartwarming ending to my Thanksgiving post.

There, that's better. Now go get your stuffing on.


  1. I've been devouring Nora Ephron books as of late, and I am also thankful for her. She was so funny and honest and imperfectly perfect. I wish she'd written more.

    Happy Thanksgiving, Una!

  2. Happy Thanksgiving, Una, Jeff, and!!
    Thanks for keeping me laughing, three years and counting!

  3. omg a thumb, that is hilarious!

  4. I am thankful that you are still blogging, albeit sporadically.
    Fran tends to be too "New Yorky" for me--yes to Nora and Tina and Lena....but where's Erma?

  5. I want to do gifs because they always make me as happy as Psy. ("Is he yelling at a woman's butt? WHO CARES??!! We're gonna live forever!!:)

    Happy thanksgiving, wonderful curmudegeon.


  6. Oh, speaking of funny, brilliant comedic gold women: this post that went viral by pam ribon made me laugh out loud, along with snorting:

  7. Had a crush luv thing for Chris Messina on Six Feet Under and he just keeps getting crushier! Your friend accurately said June Boo Boo looked like a thumb but you brought it home with the pic...hilarious. Looking forward to your 2013 career announcements...will they be done by celebs ala the Golden Globes, Oscars, etc??? They SHOULD be! Hey maybe can do the honors by then! My hubby and I do 'grateful' every night before we eat dinner. Calms us and it's just a nice thing to do. Even though his 'grateful's' are always greater than mine :) Happy Post Thanksgiving Sassy Una and family. I may not know ya, but I love ya!

  8. Michael4:06 PM

    Alas, I can't take credit for the Thumb description. I'm sure The Soup had it first.


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