Friday, October 19, 2012

I Wood Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)

Today is the fifth anniversary of the day Jeff and I got married.

Jeff made that face pretty much the whole time
The traditional fifth anniversary gift is... wood.

When I told Jeff this, he giggled like an 8th grader, which is why I married him.

Here are some additional reasons:

He makes me feel like this all the time.

Also like this:

Except if you pulled back the camera, you'd see fifteen empty wine bottles, a precarious tower of un-broken-down Amazon boxes, and a Hoarders-level pile of laundry with a baby buried somewhere inside, happily eating toilet paper straight off the roll.

If you want to read the ultra-romantic story of how we got together, which involves tango (but not Cash), a bridge, a wife beater, a daffodil, and some late-night cheeseburgers, it's here.

If you want to see us pretend to be Arnold Schwarzenegger and Tia Carere in True Lies during our first dance as married people, it's here.

If you want to see some truly amazing photo outtakes, in which I resemble Lucille Bluth having a rage stroke and which I made into a Christmas present for Jeff, they're here.

If you want to read about our 1,000th day of marriage, and how it made us fight (despite the edited version of our lives that appears on the blog, yes, we do fight, and sometimes we're total dickheads to each other. Remind me to tell you about, oh, basically the entire first year of S.'s life later on when hindsight makes it funny...), but then I figured out a Super Touching Life Lesson that references Milli Vanilli, it's here.

In the meantime, here are five things made of wood that express my deep and abiding love for Jeff:

He loves meat, but doesn't get enough fiber.
TRUE. Also, you can buy this for $11.
Jeff loves ties. He might divorce me if I got him this one, though. Fucking hipsters.
We are always on the lookout for comfortable seating options for our living room.
Get it? GET IT? It's Elijah WOOD.  (Jeff is shaking his head in shame right now. I love you, too, honey. High five*.)
*That's also a pun. You love me. Don't fight it.


  1. Congratulations to the both of you.

  2. Seating option. It's the best. The first year of my kids life I kind of hated ever fiber of my husband. Except when I didn't. Things were touch and go :) We still don't laugh about it... not funny yet.

    1. Anonymous11:49 AM

      Yes, why don't they tell you this? I thought it was just me for a while. Someone we know just got married to the father of her just-about-one-year-old and all I could think was "You still wanted to marry him AFTER you had that baby?" I said this to my husband and he was all like "What do you mean?" And I just said, "Oh, nothing."

  3. Congratulations! Hope you have a wonderful anniversary!

  4. FYI: I'm at work and I still managed to click on each and every "here". Loved the tango and I'll admit it made me cry a little. Happy Anniversary!

  5. Happy Anniversary. May you have many more! :)

  6. Happy anniversary! Something magical happens when your child is roughly 18 months old--you even start to like them again. It's a good thing that they still love us after that year of hating. . .

  7. You're a beautiful bride and I love the pictures you chose.

    It's true: a picture is worth a thousand words.
    Happy anniversary, and I"m so happy he makes you feel like a GIF.


  8. Congratulations! Love those wedding outtakes (and Carlton) xx

  9. You know what this post needed? More links.

    Happy Anniversary!!!

  10. Very nice, thanks for the information.

  11. Great, great, great and – did I forget something? Oh, yeah: Great! thanks for sharing that with us.


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