Friday, October 5, 2012

10 Ways to Make Presidential Debates More Awesome. You Are Welcome, America.

  1. Instead of buzzkill themes like "domestic issues" and "foreign policy," let's try something prommy, like "Enchantment Under the Sea," or "Masquerade Memories."
  2. No red or blue ties allowed. In fact, no ties at all. New debate dress code is "casual antagonism." Bust out the mom jeans, Mittens!
  3. Instead of stodgy lecterns, debaters should lie facing each other on a king-sized canopy bed, in the intimate style of an 8th grade sleepover.
  4. Moderator must dress and speak in manner of historical reenactor portraying village drunk from colonial times.
  5. As in a game of Taboo, no one is allowed to say any of the following words: "fact," "plan," "middle-income," "percent," "government." GO. (Upon utterance of any forbidden terms, bucket o' slime a la You Can't Do That on Television descends from rafters.)
  6. Two words: Dana Carvey.
  7. Two more words: Lie detectors.
  8. Two more words that form a compound word: Paintball.
  9. Adopt The Voice format, in which audience members (and also Cee-Lo, just for fun), sit in giant La-Z-Boys with their backs to the candidates and refuse to turn around until they say something awesome. Also, Cee-Lo will be wearing something feathered.
  10. Tee-shirt cannon.



  1. Anonymous12:04 PM

    YES to number 7!

    Also, I'd like to see a Truth or Dare format. Or maybe Girl Talk with the zit stickers.

    As for dress code, in keeping with the sleepover theme, I say footy pajamas.

  2. YES to number 4!!!! that would make everything all the more interesting.

  3. DANA CARVEY, YES!! I like where this is going.

  4. I agree, that was soooooo boring. I wanted to take a shot every time that someone fake smiled at what the other said.

  5. Doing ANYTHING with you would be fun.

    Your family's lucky to have you in real life.

  6. 11. Every word in the candidates response must the the exact opposite of what they mean.

  7. Every time they say, "The American people" you must put a marshmallow in your mouth without chewing.

  8. These are all fabulous ideas. I swore I would watch some of the debates this year...not sure 3 minutes counts. Maybe a drinking game for the VP one?

  9. Anonymous12:03 AM

    I want Andy Cohen and Honey Boo Boo to moderate....

  10. Anonymous9:24 AM

    Now THAT sounds like a debate I could stay awake for! Personally, I'd like to see the candidates have to complete on WipeOut. Whoever makes it past the big red balls wins.

  11. #11: Loser gets voted off the continent.


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