Monday, September 10, 2012

Scenes From a Marriage: It Has to do With Elmo. And Racism. And Drugs. Sigh. I Probably Shouldn't Even Publish This.

Me: I don't think I can read this book anymore.

Jeff: Why?
Me: I feel kind of... racist.
Jeff: What?
Me: My Elmo voice. I don't know, it's not on purpose, but I feel like I sound like Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany's.
Jeff: How would you even be racist to a Muppet? [pause] Hand-warmer!... Glove!... You fucking mitten!

P.S. Jeff takes young children's school portraits, so he does a great Elmo voice. It is not racist at all. But his favorite thing to say (to me, not the kids) is "Elmo loves PILLS!"


  1. You know, I didn't want to say anything, but the last time I heard your Elmo, not only did I notice the Rooney/Breakfast at Tiffany's thing, but also a hint of the Kingfish from Amos and Andy.

    For shame!

  2. When our children are driving us crazy my sister and I talk in our respective Elmo voices to each other. Things like "Guess what Elmo is thinking about today...ya ta ta dah: xanax."


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