Tuesday, June 26, 2012

3 Things I've Been Doing Lately Instead of Using My Shake Weight or Eating Anything That's Not Beige

1. Watching my baby crawl. Soooo, I whined for months to family and friends about how he wasn't moving and just liked to sit and put things in his mouth (Jeff was all, um, does that sound like anyone you know?), and now he's finally doing it and I'm like, shit. Now I have to stop sitting and putting things in my mouth (touch√©, Jeff) and chase after this little adorable creature who moves like Gollum from Lord of the Rings crossed with a three-legged Corgi. It is super cute, but exhausting. Also, whenever I take a video of S. my voice automatically goes up like three octaves. The end verges on Mariah Carey territory. Consider yourselves warned.

Here is a bonus video, because, seriously, I do this all day. What else am I supposed to do with them? The Smithsonian already said no.

2. Whipping my hair. I needed a new headshot, so I asked my professional photographer husband to do it (btw, he just started his own business, so please HIRE HIM and keep me in Whatchamacallits and Sauvignon Blancs) and while I was trying to get my hair to stop looking so much like I was 65 and living at high altitudes, he snapped away, and well, MAGIC.

For some reason, the sensible shirtdress and gray background make me think of that scene in Romy & Michele's High School Reunion where they stop at a rural diner and ask if there is a business women lunch special. Incidentally, I'll tell you what my daily mom lunch special is: Three tugs on a squeeze packet of apricot and sweet potato mush and about seventeen carpet fuzz-covered Cheerios.

3. STILL trying to decide what infomercial product to buy. No, I haven't forgotten about that promise (OR the promise to eventually devote an entire post to the sweet red jean jacket Jeff got me for my birthday, shut up, you will love it). Judging from the picture above I think I might need to invest in a Flowbee, but I also covet Pajama Jeans and am intrigued and terrified by Sauna Pants. Also, seriously, does anyone want my Shake Weight? I will dust it off, autograph it in sparkle pen (if you don't want MY autograph, which is totally valid, I am happy to sign it as Queen Latifah, or maybe Ross Perot) and ship it to you. You can also have all of my exercise DVDs except, obviously, for the Girls Next Door Workout. If you want an embarrassing list of all of the fat-burning routines I have half-assed for about ten minutes in 2008 before abandoning them forever, email me.


  1. OMG. SAM MOVES. I swear that kid is like sunshine. He is so freaking cute. Is it weird that I was fully expecting there to be tootsie rolls on the floor?

  2. I love his crawl! How original. When I first read your description, I couldn't imagine what that would look like, but you are dead on. Also, I love the head shot. I think your husband should get a bunch of school kids to do it and make them all their year book photos. Elementary kids would be cute, but can you imagine how cool it would be to have a whole page of seniors with their hair standing up?

  3. The crab crawl is AWESOME! My daughter employed that method of locomotion as well, and somebody told me that it's a sign of high intelligence... or I may have made that up... whatever - it's totally true.

  4. He's pretty darn adorable! I love how he looks back at you at the end of the second video. Precious!

  5. Anonymous3:48 PM

    kid is gonna be walking upright in no time... that left foot is just DYING to launch him off the floor!

  6. 1) I know another baby who crawls just like that. It cracks me up.

    2) Love S's moobs. My daughter is a chunker all-star, but my son is quite skinny, so no moobs there.

    3) Pajamajeans. That is all.

  7. I LOVE my pajama jeans! Seriously, totally go with those, but what is this Sauna Pant business? Must go check this out...

  8. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9_amg-Aos4

    Please. I beg you. On knees and everything.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...