This is what I've been doing for the past few days (and bless you, YouTube nation, for taking the time to upload a video of this clip repeating and repeating):
So now you need to tell me what crazy infomercial product I should buy with my winnings. Here are the rules:
- It must be relatively cheap. Momma may want a bra she can surreptitiously drink out of, but baby also needs diapers. Allegedly. (I'm giving S. the side-eye right now, because I've seen him poop on command, and by "on command" I mean "as soon as I remove his diaper." I thought it would shoot out like silly string, but actually it's kind of like a finicky soft-serve machine that stops and starts. This is what science class looks like in the School of Life.)
- It must be at least sort of dumb. If I wanted something practical, I'd get drunk and order a monogrammed whiskey decanter from Pottery Barn, okay?
- I must be able to purchase it online. I don't like talking to customer service representatives. And it's worse if they're automated. It is a true story that I once called "Julie" from Amtrak a stupid whore.
And if you want this to be a monthly thing, please please go click up my links again:
I Wish I Could Be Like: Mrs. Robinson
Paltrow-Martins Seek Babysitter
Top 9 Reasons Sleep is Overrated
Top 9 Rejected Sitcoms With 'Bitch' in the Title
Me, Jeff, S. and our future Super Bass-O-Matic thank you!