Wednesday, October 26, 2011

People Who Have Seen My Boobs: A Comparative List

April 13, 1980 - September 24, 2011
  • Tulpehocken bunkmates, Camp Onas (unavoidable communal showers)
  • 8th grade gym teacher (traumatic accident during swim class)
  • College boyfriend
  • Gynecologist
  • Jeff
September 24, 2011 - October 26, 2011
  • My father
  • My mother-in-law
  • My brothers-in-law
  • My grandmother
  • My aunt
  • My uncle
  • My 21 year-old male cousin
  • My mother's book group
  • Jeff's best man  
  • Our landlord
  • The pediatrician
  • The cable guy
  • Waiter, busboy, and approximately 10 other diners at Cafe Luluc on Smith Street
  • Anyone walking past our building after dark who may glance up to see a weary, half-naked woman frantically wiping poop off of her screaming child's genitalia under harsh overhead lighting
 If only I could blame any of the second group on an ill-fitting bathing suit....


  1. Yep. Giving birth and breast feeding will kill any bit of modesty a woman once had.

  2. Anonymous10:45 PM

    I love this list. This radical change in social behavior - courtesy of childbirth - is totally underresearched... what is your official take on breastfeeding in public (i.e. fancy restaurants etc)? Am myself not totally certain - breastfeeding yes, but a stranger's boob next to my appetizer, not so much. which gives me plenty of vile from my (mother) friends....
    PS: will I get an answer to my circumcision question? am so curious (am European, so the whole topic is still excitingly different to me...)

  3. The few, the proud, the militant nursers (that's what my husband called me for doing the same). Welcome!

    I nursed in fancy Chicago restaurants, on the couch next to in-laws, even at a staff meeting one time. That's why blankets were invented (luckily my kids weren't the reach-and-snag variety who refused to be covered up). And my pump went with me to many meetings, where I would slip out to my car and pump in the front seat. Ah, the glamorous life of a nursing mother...

  4. loll know what my husband used to get all weird on me when in the middle of the day on a HOT summer day I'd go around the house shirt and braless because I was on call with a newborn every 2-3 hours. The shade was up, I was hot, the baby wanted to eat and really I didn't care. So I'm MORE than sure MANY passerby's saw my boobs and again did I mention I didn't care?!

  5. I can't wait till I can show my boobs to total strangers.

    I also can't wait to get boobs.

  6. Darn kids start changing things at such a young age! CONGRATULATIONS Una! I haven't been here for quite a while! Obviously, a long quite a while! Truly though, congrats to you and your husband...
    Great post!

  7. That's a new twist on the 'What's Your Number' concept.

    Oh. My. God. I remembered when I lost my bikini top at the beach!

    Anyway, in my opinion, breastfeeding is a perfectly nice activity, and could be done in public if the prson doing so wishes. Even in restaurants. [I'm single, by the way; so this is not an issue for me yet.]

  8. I always try and extra smile at women breastfeeding in public... then I probably look creepy. Fortunately, I'm female.

  9. Come to Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Where you will be encouraged to show those girls to hundreds of total strangers and collect some tacky plastic beads This may or may not be a liberating experience.

  10. Life gets a lot easier once you lose your sense of shame.

  11. Heather2:07 PM

    It will be awhile before they (your boobs) belong solely to you (and occasionally your husband) again. And don't be totally freaked out when your hair starts falling out in a couple of months. It will grow back. Keep nursing! It does get so much easier when it becomes a little more predictable. Then you will be glad you aren't warming and washing bottles everyday.

  12. Anonymous3:49 PM

    Go, Una! I added to my list, post-first baby, my dad (who got to see my sister-in-law and my cousin with me, all of us nursing babes), a law school professor (during a conference), and part of my law school class (in the lounge).

  13. I love this post! Rock those bad boys everywhere; breast feeding's worth it!

  14. your mother's book group? lol. it is funny how modesty goes out the window when you are trying to feed your baby. good for you!

  15. I have a bizarre feminist fantasy in which I make business card-sized notes that I carry with my everywhere and hand out that say something like "Thank you for breastfeeding in public and helping to normalize the cultural view of women's bodies." And then I realize that is maybe creepier than people who are bothered by public nursing.

    Anyway - LOVE the drawn on shorts.

  16. "Our landlord" is my favorite.

  17. I'm a new follower and just want to share that your posts make me laugh out loud - especially because I'm a new mom to a baby boy as well and I agree with everything you post...the baby scrotums, boob sharing, mastitis...! Misery loves company, I guess :)

  18. Whether for breastfeeding or on a whim, most people are likely to be supportive of you. I enjoy your wit and observations.

  19. I have 8 weeks to go till my twins arrive (if they can wait that long). I feel like reading your posts is a preview, in a horrifying, yet comforting way that will help me feel not alone as I struggled to shower, breastfeed, and remember which end of the babies gets diapered.

    And for this, I thank you.

  20. Anonymous11:39 PM

    @ as gretta grows:

    Those cards exist! I picked up a parenting magazine at my midwife's office, and there was a whole page of rip-off cards saying thank you for nursing in public--it helps normalize it for everyone.

    I never handed them out, but I nursed like mad anywhere I needed to.

  21. I was just thinking of you this morning and hoping hoping hoping the pain has lessened. And this post so made me laugh. I definitely became much less prudish after I started breastfeeding.

  22. Hey, congrats on the new baby! he looks adorable :) and, i totally understand that list...sounds like my life.

  23. oh my. Sorry about the landlord. I remember you asked the other tenants not to tell him about the home birth, so I'm guesing you wouldn't normally want him looking at your boobs either.

  24. They're not actually breast anymore but mastictic lactationary modules which will forevermore be numb to the caresses of man; including but not limited to Michael Fassbender in Jane Eyre.

    On the upside you're less likely to have a mid-life crisis affair.


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