Begrudgingly, but still. I had to be physically removed from an Adirondack chair, and not only because I didn't want vacation to end, but also because I seriously could not get up by myself. I waddled around for days thinking that the baby had dropped, but actually I'm an asshole and it turns out you probably shouldn't balance one-legged on a piece of driftwood while eight months pregnant.
In 2007, Jeff took this photo of me:
That's still how I picture myself, but it turns out this is what I actually look like:
(I had to approximate, since Jeff used a film camera. I was so confused, and kept looking for the photos in the viewfinder, like the time my friend's daughter couldn't understand why it was impossible to fast-forward through live television.)
Luckily, large amounts of cheese seemed to assuage my poor pulled pelvis. And Jeff gave me loads of butt massages, regardless of where the pain actually was.
|This man kneads a mean glute.|
|What's more frightening: my deathly pallor, my freakishly short legs, or the fact that Old Navy cannot be bothered to line up its seams correctly?|
Also: While I was away I had two new posts at Aiming Low, one on how to (possibly illegally) watch TV on your computer and one about the glory of the adolescent awkward phase (I'll take any excuse to post unibrow photos in a public forum.) And I've been posting Onion-esque satire at Insert Eyeroll; you can find my first few posts here, here, and here.