Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Nightpeeing


With apologies to R.E.M...

[Super serious instrumental intro]

Nightpeeing deserves a quiet night
The dripping faucet in the bathtub, broken years ago
Keep the lights off and keep your eyes half closed
Feeling around blindly reveals the toilet seat is up
Suddenly I realize
I forgot to buy TP at the grocery store
But I’m already sitting down

Nightpeeing deserves a quiet night
I'm not sure all these people understand
My bladder’s like a peanut,
The fear of waking up,
Stuck inside the toilet
I need some fucking paper
These things would be okay
In the light of day

Nightpeeing, I’m up five times a night
September's coming soon
This brick will leave my womb
But what if then it’s worse?
My girl parts will be... bigger
I might need some Depends
White noise rainforest machines
Could not describe nightpeeing

[More cowbell]

P.S. Tomorrow I'll be talking even more about peeing on Aiming Low. I know, you don't have to tell me: I make you so proud.
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7 comments :

  1. This is familiar.... I could go without drinking anything for three days and still wake up to pee in the middle of the night.

    I'm starting to wonder if my nightpeeing is being brought on by some sleep-boozing.

    SD
    TheSimpleDude.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh girl... you are so almost THERE! I remember the night peeing.... laying awake / praying I would just fall back asleep / or maybe just succumb and wet myself... because the effort it took just to get to the bathroom was so much... and by the time you get back - you have to go again. Big props. You are almost there.

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  3. People who know (aka The Experienced Mothers) keep telling me that night peeing is our body's way of preparing us to get up during the night with the baby. Personally, I think forcing me to get up every three hours to urinate is Mother Nature's idea of a cruel joke. She's laughing away while I'm trying to navigate my way through our mess of a bedroom to get to the f*ing bathroom. I'm clumsy enough in the daytime. Nighttime is when I should be the safest, all tucked away in bed. And holding it isn't an option, because then you get those awful dreams about having to pee AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE LET ME GET TO THE BATHROOM!?!. One of these nights I'm going to wake up in a puddle.

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  4. Try going through that - with a waterbed! Wow, so glad I am too old for that crap now :)

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  5. More like "You're welcome, REM!" Amazing.

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  6. i keep hearing 'nightpeeing' to the sounds of iggy pop's 'nightclubbing'...depending on how you view it, way worse, or WAAAAYYY better. :)

    i hope you get something awesome out of this exercise in frustration. say, awesome muscles in your ladybits perhaps? (or maybe just the ability to not pee every time you laugh, once you've given birth?)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I nightpee and I am not pregnant but kinda chubby and old. sigh. I feel your pain.

    ReplyDelete

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