Friday, June 3, 2011

TGI...WTF? Fetus In A Fright Wig

I should really be keeping a week by week diary of what I read in my pregnancy books, because there is some jacked up shit going on in my belly right now. Take, for example, this passage from Week 24 of What to Expect When You're Expecting:
Is your baby a brunette, a blonde, or a redhead? Actually, right now his locks are white since there's no pigment yet.
Say what? In all of the instances I've imagined what the little guy looks like floating around in there, Don King has never come into play. Until now...

Photo of Jeff at 2 mos. used for likeness. P.S. He's not jaundiced, this photo is just 31 years old.
Or--worse!--what if his coif looks more like Jay Manuel's (aka "Mr. Jay" from ANTM)?

Photo of yours truly used for likeness. P.S. In this one, instead of Photoshop I used Microsoft Paint. Can you tell? Also, yes, that is a romper. Shut up.
I only know one thing for sure, and that's that this is not the last time I doctor photos of Jeff and me as babies to make us look like we have grown-up hair, because damn, that is precious.

ALSO: I have a new post up at Aiming Low about test-driving kegel balls. I really hope the Internet implodes before my son is old enough to read it.


  1. You guys were both such cute babies! Your son is going to be adorable!

  2. psychsarah10:50 AM

    Isn't What to Expect a bit bizarro sometimes? If you haven't got it yet, check out the app-it gives you daily advice throughout the pregnancy, some of which seems totally random (today was how to style your hair to accomodate a fuller face-WTF?) and each week gives you a type of food to analogize the size of your spawn at that point. It's hilarious to me to think of my little guy as a cantaloupe for some reason.

  3. I was not a fan of What to Expect. Those bitches always struck me as Stepford Wives with attitude. I concur with the other commenter though-your baby is going to be adorable, Einstein-haired or not.

  4. Anonymous11:21 AM

    I hate What to Expect. Any book that refers to sperm as "the swim team" is not mature enough for the serious task of making a baby. Any book women look to for actual advice ought not give old wives' tales, and apocryphal bullshit about which positions make having a boy more likely.

    All the same, I enjoy the fruit-based analogies to the developing fetus. I enjoy the concept of gestating a pair of olives or plums.

  5. Your pictures are hysterical. I think you should do it more often too.
    Each of my babies received the nickname "frosty" by the hospital nursery staff because each was born with hair that looked like it had been frosted - the tips of each hair was platinum. I had a brown-haired son, then a redheaded daughter, and then a blonde son, and all three had the frosting. I guess it was vestiges of that white hair.
    Whaddya know? I do learn something new every day.

  6. Surely you've seen this:

    It's really one of the most amazing baby products I've ever come across. And by amazing, I mean fucking insane.


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