Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Scenes From a Marriage: Breaking Up Baby

Me: It’s weird, when I used to think about having a baby, I never thought about sharing it with someone else.

Jeff: (immediately) I get the top half.

Me: No, that’s not what I meant. I just never imagined being able to relinquish control to another—

Jeff: OK, I get the front half.

Me: Stop it, we are not dividing the baby. I’m talking conceptually.

Jeff: Fine, I get the head and extremities. You can have the torso.


  1. i'm guessing jeff's baby division approach was to avoid the explosive ass of the baby. because i've changed diapers. and i never want to again.

  2. He should read King Solomon then he'll know who's baby it really is. Do you know the reference? 1 Kings 3:16-27 That oughta be a weapon in your arsenal.

  3. your husband in hilarious!

  4. That Jeff is a funny guy.
    I hear you. The female mind is a funny place to rattle around in. In my mind it was the same. I wonder if it's part of the maturational process, thoughts that surface to prepare us. Kinda like horny is to boys :).

  5. Give him the part that makes the poo. Take my word on this.

  6. To be serious, it is hard to share them. And really, they are ours. If you enter the world via my vagina-you belong to me. I will acknowledge half of the DNA is not in fact mine but I still am the supreme ruler.

    My vagina and I say so.

  7. I'd take the part that supports me in my old age. In the meantime, Penny Lane nailed to speak!


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