Friday, June 10, 2011

Navel-Gazing

Although I do a lot of figurative navel-gazing on this blog, I've never been much of a literal navel-gazer. Mostly because I never used to see my navel much during day-to-day activities. Now, it's front and center. In my favorite position (cross-legged on the couch with a pillow behind me and something awful like Teen Mom on TV), in my favorite beat-the-heat outfit (gym shorts and a bra), it stares up at me like a little well in a mound of bread dough.

I try to talk to the baby, when I remember to. It's not the most natural thing in the world. Mostly our conversations are awkward and one sided.

Me: "Whatcha doin' in there, buddy?"

Fetus: ...

Me: "You kickin'?"

Fetus: ... (translation: "Duh.")

Me: "Are you kicking because you liked those tacos or because they made you angry?"

Fetus: ... (possible translations: "AHHHHH!!!!! I LOVE TACOS!!!!!!!!!!!"; or "You know beans give me hiccups, you bitch!")

I've also been singing to him. My favorite so far is "Be My Baby" by the Ronnettes. I also want to learn the words to "Cry Baby," by Janis Joplin for an ironic lullaby when he screams later on. Of course, that one's kind of fucked up, if you look at the lyrics, but I don't think he'll know.

And if he doesn't like it, he can always throw up on me.

For now, though, he's my captive audience.


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13 comments :

  1. As one who sings around the house, I enjoyed getting close to my wife's expanding belly and singing to the creature growing within.

    I made up songs, and it's funny: if I sing them now, I sometimes get smiles from my girls. I wonder if they recognize the songs.

    Have fun: this is a wonderful time!

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  2. I'd like to think that your baby is swearing at you from inside the womb. I think we can all appreciate a sassy fetus.

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  3. You look beautiful!

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  4. Anonymous11:00 AM

    I always sang Can't help falling in love..

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  5. Anonymous2:29 PM

    Your blog is an enjoyable read for me, as you are a great writer, and I happen to be 25 weeks pregnant with my own son. Thanks for sharing your experiences! They are similar to my own. Candace

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  6. You are beautiful with this ever expanding baby bump. "Sassy fetus" - I love it!
    I like how your arms are below supporting baby as opposed to resting on top like your belly was bloated from too much Thanksgiving dinner. You look like a girl about to toss it to someone! Have you had many strangers come up to you yet and want to rub your body bump? Or maybe that stranger in your face will come after he is out and adorably snuggled in a bjorn and you'll be forced to back up, thinking - please, face out of my boossom please. Just sayin' from experience.
    Enjoy your private space while it lasts.
    Love your writing - thanks for sharing with us (and we don't have to be in your face!)

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  7. Love the pic!
    Pregnancy suits you.
    Try wearing the white shorts now. They may look better on you since you're preggers. ;)
    Pregnant women can get away with so much.

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  8. I thought new boobs were supposed to be part of the deal?? You look great!

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  9. You're hysterical!

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  10. Anonymous2:51 PM

    You look great! I used to talk to my unborn while driving in the car alone...I used to get really sentimental and ask him to grow up to be a sweet, sweet boy and not a serial killer, murderer or rapist. Seriously. The hormones were ON.
    HeatherS

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  11. I used to play Verdi's Requiem on headphones on my belly. The kids would jump whenever it got loud. Actually, they're a little edgy now. I wonder ....

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  12. Anonymous1:53 AM

    The first laugh from my first baby came when I had her on the changing table - I had the Dirty Dancing soundtrack on, and when it came to the "whoa oh oh oh" part of Be My Baby, I did that in her face and she cracked up. One of the most precious moments and memories of my life! Sing to your son with all your heart, and often! It's a wonderful gift! :o)

    Gina

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