Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Baby K-Hole

So... I've never actually done ketamine. I feel I should state this up front. But from what I've read (which is, admittedly, limited to the James St. James memoir Disco Bloodbath, later made into a movie called Party Monster starring Seth Green, who I can't really imagine as a glittery club kid because he will always--ALWAYS--be Kenny Fisher...


... HI. Welcome to the other side of that embedded video. I didn't really have anything else to say, but it's hard to enclose a YouTube clip in parentheses.) Anyway, from what I've read, sometimes if you do a lot of it, you fall into what is called a "K-hole," a sort of memory blackout that leaves you unaware of anything you did (St. James recalls emerging from one and finding a note to himself that read only, "Evil must be baked at 650 degrees.")

Before Jeff and I got married, I feel into a few wedding K-holes. But those were no match for the baby K-hole I fell into last week. (Picture a pot-bellied Alice in Wonderland tumbling down the rabbit hole, only instead of chasing a rabbit she's chasing a Pop Tart, and instead of a cat she's got a "Slumber Party" double DVD of My Girl and My Girl 2 that may or may not have been purchased at a truck stop.)

It all started innocently enough. I was comparison shopping for rocking chair cushions (yeah, and I'm pretty sure it was a Friday night--this is how I do it, Montell Jordan). Then somehow I was looking at crib bedding, and then rectal thermometers, and then, through a chain of associations I an unable or unwilling to reconstruct, I became obsessed with finding a Monchhichi onesie.

Monchhichi, for the uninitiated, are a line of Japanese stuffed toy monkey dolls that became popular in the early 1980s and were marketed by Mattel. They look kind of like if Rolf from the Muppets had knocked up a Cabbage Patch Kid:


Jeff's nickname as a baby was Monchhichi, because at one day old he already had more hair than most full-grown Wookies:


I myself went for more of a Joan Jett vibe coupled with a look of thinly-veiled alarm:


Point is, there's no way around it: this kid is going to be hairy. So a tongue-in-cheek onesie seemed apt.

And yet, that doesn't explain how I quickly found myself on eBay, bidding on tiny PVC figurines made in the 1970s that feature Monchhichi characters in a variety of sports poses (one of them is just holding a baguette and wearing overalls, which is more my speed, really).

Did I mention that, at two inches tall, these are choking hazards? And that they're made from the same material responsible for sewage pipes and pleather? But they're so cute. (You should see the tugboat captain.)

Sigh. Rocking chair cushions: totally a gateway drug.
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11 comments :

  1. I was thrown by the title of this post but I know what ya mean. I too am pregnant and I find that I have severe memory lapses and definitely jump from random thought to random thought. Kind of scary!

    I totally remember Monchhichis! Ha ha. I want to resurrect all of my old toys that my mom has vacuum sealed in her basement, they've gotta be good 30 years later right lol..

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  2. I loved Seth Green in that movie. LOVED! Man now I really feel like watching it but too lazy to go to Blockbuster.

    I can't wait for your baby! I know it sounds weird but it's been nice following the pregnancy and stuff. Kinda like that Shiloh kid but in the blog world :)

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  3. My child also=hairy. My sister recently told me that he had very dry skin on his back. . . .I told her to look again, as I was sure it was just the hair on his 2 YEAR-OLD back. Turns out, I was right.

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  4. I'm pretty sure when I get my Silhouette machine that I can make a Monchhichi onesie...

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  5. You are too funny! I haven't stopped smiling since I started reading your posts...

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  6. Hairy babies are right up there with fat babies. Chubby and excessively hairy? Baby Monchhichi gold. I will keep my finger crossed for you in this regard and will cross my toes in hopes that both the hair and chubbiness are grown out of prior to adolescence, for his sake and yours.

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  7. I worked in a pediatrician's office and a youngish Brazilian mom came up to me with an abandoned Mondchichi doll she found in the waiting room asking me with her sexy accent what it was called in America because she had the same toys as a kid and nostalgia does as nostalgia is want to do and she wanted to get one for her little baby. I knew what it was called too. Because we are of an age. And that's how we do. They also had a cartoon, the monchichis. I had both a boy and girl monchichi toy, they were totally like 6 inches or so tall though, as was the abandoned one in the office. 7 inch monchichi dolls are going for about 20 bucks (NEW ones, don't know how you feel about keeping it real or not, but at least they didn't make the toys skinny [they made care bares skinny now and bratz-ized strawberry shortcake]) on amazon. I'm just sayin'.

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  8. I have a lamb with the same face!

    My babies were all near bald till they hit a year or so. Hair good!

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  9. You'd love Party Monster! Seth Green gives an unbelievably good performance, too.

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  10. If you can't find a Monchhichi onesie you can always make one. Try Cafe Press.

    Were any of the figures playing Atari (Am I the only one who remembers the recess chant, "Monchhichi monchhichi, they can play Atari. Monchhichi monchhichi they can do karate....")?

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  11. I saw one in Toys R us about 6 months ago. I thought it was so weird seeing one

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