Tuesday, May 31, 2011

You Know What Sucks About Working On Memorial Day? A Lot Of Things.

One, people will not believe you. "You're working?" they will ask incredulously. "On Monday?" And then, after a pause: "You know that's Memorial Day, right?" Salt in the wound.

Two, your favorite sandwich place will be closed. Worse, it will have a cute sign in the window reminding you once again that it is a holiday, dumbass, and you will have to get your lunch from the corner deli, the one with the stock boy who hits on you even though you are five months pregnant. "Hello, beautiful," you will hear him coo as you attempt to balance a package of mini donuts on your belly so that you can reach inside the fridge for a root beer, and you will wish for a moment that his fetish was just for helping sweaty women shop.

Three, the trains will still be running on a weekend schedule, which is to say, as slowly and irregularly as an obstructed bowel, and it will be hot, too--hot and fetid enough that for a moment you will look up from your magazine and wonder if you could, possibly, actually be inside someone's ass.

Four, someone on Facebook will soberly remind you why Memorial Day is called Memorial Day (Cliffs Note version: dead soldiers), and then you will feel like an asshole for being so self-righteously cranky about putting in eight relatively easy hours at the office (it's not like you're working in a coal mine, honey) and having to eat your sandwich on a regular roll instead of ciabatta.

That won't stop you from devoting an entire blog post to it later, though.

(Imagine Kevin Kline in A Fish Called Wanda: "Asshooooooooooole!")
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12 comments :

  1. I knew there was a reason I stayed home yesterday.

    (Unfortunately, it required work: I had to repair a fence.)

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  2. A Fish Called Wanda is a classic....
    Sorry you had to work yesterday, what a bummer!

    ReplyDelete
  3. S**t happens, unfortunately, but it was good that you counted those blessings at the end. It's easy to overlook them sometimes

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  4. Sister Zoe10:08 AM

    You can tell we're related because we both describe the subway as being like the inside of someones ass ;)


    p.s. you're hilarious, boo.

    ReplyDelete
  5. ladiesbane10:36 AM

    I'm only posting because I enjoy your blog and don't think you get enough comments; also, because I wish there were more funny FB posts and fewer sober ones (take that either way.)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I had to "work" all long-weekend too, since I only get "days off" from my job as a stay-at-home-mom when The Hubby is off...and he had to work. The part where our electricity went out for six hours especially sucked.

    I like this blog post because misery loves company. :)

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  7. Tell those assholes that nurse's work on that day to prevent those soldiers from dying, so you should too!

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  8. As a registered nusre it seemed like I worked almost every holiday and too many weekends. But oh how I loved being off on the days when everyone else had to go to work and I didn't have to fight the rush hour or crowds to do things.
    Great post!

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  9. Only four more months until maternity leave...and then people will hopefully be doing some serious doting on your days off!

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  10. I like you. The description of the subway is my favourite part.

    Um, that's all I have say. Except that having already born four children and never wanting more, I am slightly jealous of the freedom food pass that accompanies such a condition.

    Enjoy!

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  11. Well, that sucks. I was thinking your break included a three day weekend getaway.
    I'm a teacher, in a 12-month program. I know.
    Around now each year EVERYONE, including people who've known me for years, asks "So, when does your school end?", and I have to deadpan "Never, remember?" I practically growl it.

    ReplyDelete
  12. As a now-ex-friend always said to me, "Could be worse...it could be raining."

    ReplyDelete

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