Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Sister, Sister

Seeing as I am convinced that 1980 was only 20 years ago, it is somewhat perplexing to me that my little sister turns 25 today. Yes, somehow she is now 4 years older than me. I can only conclude that I have Benjamin Button disease.

Anyway, remember that episode of Sex and the City when Carrie gets stood up for her birthday party and there's this drunk girl at the restaurant who yelps, "25... fuck, I'm old!"? I used to think that. Now Zoe thinks that. I'm sure she's spending her birthday being vaguely depressed instead of doing shots of Jamo at a bar. In fact, I know this, because A) We LaMarches always cry at least once on every birthday, and B) Zoe is spending the day in the outer reaches of Brooklyn caring for a four month-old baby without a phone. My sentence structure kind of sucks there--I'm not saying that the baby doesn't have a phone, because obviously all newborns  are now equipped with built-in Bluetooth. I'm saying that Zoe doesn't have a phone, because she left it in a cab yesterday. Which means that she can't get lovey-dovey calls on her big quarter-life birthday. Hence this lovey-dovey blog ode.

(Okay, it's not lovey-dovey yet, but I'm building to that. First I have to show you her sweet Guatemalan pants from 1988.)



Anyway, my sister is brave and brilliant and beautiful and oh so much stronger and wiser and ballsier than I, and a perfect example of this is that she would probably kick my ass if I got too sappy in such a public forum. Another example is her giant neck tattoo:

Kidding! That's ink. She modeled for a friend's photo project. But seriously, doesn't she look bad-fuckin'-ass? And gorgeous? Like one of those Vogue models pretending to be all ethnic and Maori? Except even better because her eyes aren't blank and glassy and she's not jumping for no reason while wearing a silk romper and a fright wig?

OK, so clearly I didn't map this post out before I started. And I apologize, because my sister deserves better. But I just love her so much it makes me kind of frazzled. She's like my Fight Club power animal. She's inspires and amazes me. When she was little, she wanted to be like me (she even used to put tin foil on her teeth to approximate my adolescent braces). Now, all I want is to be more like her. (Yes, this means I'm going blonde. Look out, world!)

But seriously, please help me show her some love and join me (and The New Kids On The Block) in wishing her a very happy birthday.

I LOVE YOU, BOO. I hope that kid is doing a baby samba dance in celebration of your awesomeness.


  1. Wow, those LaMarche girls have the looks!

    Happy Birthday to your sister.

  2. ^__^ I was in grade school when they actually came out and became popular.. We use to dance along their tunes. Wish they stayed till now :)

  3. isn't there another chapter to that inked on story in the photo? Can't we see the rest - i need to know how it ends.

    p.s. There is a small possibility that I may sound vaguely pervy.

    p.p.s. ah well - if the cap fits...

  4. p/p/p/s. Happy Birthday to your Sis.

  5. Very adorable.

    Also, on the subject of Bluetooth Babies... make sure to keep the umbilical cord, because it has a USB plug on one side and it's the only way to recharge your Bluetooth Baby.

    I was originally going to try and combine BlackBerry and Baby, but it seemed wrong, and hopefully inaccurate (for your husband's sake) to say 'recharge your BlackBaby'.

  6. This is a cutie post. And your sister is gorgeous.

  7. I don't know if my 72 year old heart could take it if I met up with someone as sexy and exotic looking as your little sis. She really should do more modeling. Pass on a Happy Birthday from me.

  8. Happy Birthday to your sister! She is gorgeous! Looks like her dreams of being just like you, came true!

    Ahh the NKOTB... I remember that song.

    BTW, that pic of the two of you is precious. :)

  9. Lovely post to your sister, Una. She has kickass eyebrows, we should all go where she goes to have them done.
    Happy Birthday, Zoe! I've always enjoyed your rapier sharp wit when you've posted here or when your sister has posted your sisterly ramblings to her for all of us to see(nice,eh?). Enjoy your day and the second half of your 20s. Balls to the wall.

  10. Anonymous11:04 PM

    If I had a sister at all, I would want it to be Zoe. I know she is a fantastic little sister. Even though she is actually older than me by like 6 months!

    143 forever babe. 143, & feliz cumpleanos!

    Oh, and Una? Seriously, we ALL wanted to be like you.

  11. Your Vogue description was spot-on and hilarious. Your sister is beautiful and I hope she had a splendid birthday. I'm sure losing her phone didn't matter too much, as most people these days think an FB wall post is sufficient.

  12. Sister Zoe6:36 PM

    You guys!! You're too sweet.
    @Glen: It ends with half a bottle of Jim beam, me pantsless, and my hair molded into a giant crazy ass shape.It sounds sort of hotter than it was. It actually looked more like lindsey lohan on a bad night.
    @ Risandshine:Thank you! I actually have NEVER had them done... I do them myself, so double thanks:)


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