Monday, May 23, 2011

Inner Monologue, With Attractively Clogged Sinuses

Well, the Rapture didn't happen, which is good, mostly, except that I'm still sick so I really could have used an excuse not to blog.

Because all I've been doing for the last 72 hours is blowing my nose, drifting in and out of sleep while watching craniotomies and heartbreak on Grey's Anatomy* (I'm still only at the beginning of season 7, but have watched so much of this fucking show in the past few months that my kid is probably going to turn out to be a really needy doctor, through osmosis) and adding twee baby outfits to my online registries without consulting Jeff.

*Also, can we talk about the Frito-Lay commercial that runs every ten seconds on my Hulu? There is no way that blonde makes potato chips from scratch for her family using actual tomatoes. Plus, those corkscrew curls would not hold up leaning over a deep fryer.  

What else? Hmmm. I've been researching diaper pails, which is only slightly more demoralizing than receiving giant sanitary pads in the mail. Also I had a really good muffin today. Like, really good.

I would have made this a video blog to mask its inadequacy except I haven't washed my hair in days and the sides of my nostrils are flaking off faster than Charlie Sheen's septum.

Hey-oh! Still got it.

Hack, hack. Sneeze.



  1. Your baby will only benefit from that level of drama in the emergency room, operating room and that bar they go too. He will know the perils of angsty doctoring and perhaps will choose a different profession. Maybe a writer like his mommy. I recently suffered the same fate of the snot factory invading my nose and also lost a whole layer of skin off of my nose. So pretty. So flaky. So feminine.

  2. Charlie Sheen's septum is in danger? Maybe the Rapture happened after all!

  3. Anonymous1:03 PM

    Do not get a diaper pail! They start to smell worse than the diapers within the month, and you cannot get the stink out of the plastic. Just take out the trash every day, which in a NYC apt. you probably do anyway.

    -Faithful reader and mother of four(!)

    P.S. I'm not sure if I can brave this summer's PR without you. Aren't you the last bit tempted to give it another shot?

  4. i would say skip the diaper pail thingys. Just toss them in the trash with your regular garbage and you wont have to deal with an entire trash bag of feces.

  5. I agree with Anonymous! No diaper pail. They don't work at containing the smell at all. Best thing to do is use small plastic sacks and take out the diapers daily. (or right away if it's a really bad one)

  6. Thanks ladies! Diaper pails look like unnecessarily complicated mini garbage cans anyway. ALSO: Amazon sells disposable diaper bags called "Sassy." Coincidence? I think not.

  7. Yep, agree with the ladies, no diaper pail. You'll become adept at wrapping them up around themselves and throwing them in the kitchen garbage, then taking that out.
    Don't know what people who use cloth diapers do, so can't help you there. I'd have been at the washing machine all day, so it would have cancelled out any "green" savings I would have made by using them.
    I've recycled paper, cardboard, plastic, glass, and cans for years now, like it was my job, to make up for the mega pile of disposable diapers I sent to the dump on behalf of my three children. It makes me feel less guilty about it.
    Feel better. Poor you, you are the queen of head colds.

  8. I don't know what diaper pails other people are using, but my sisters have them for their kids and they are excellent at containing the smell. Maybe you just need to be careful which brand to buy. Good luck!

    I've also heard that sometimes during pregnancy you can have a perpetual runny nose for weeks on end. My sister had that for about the last three months; she felt fine otherwise (except for the whole hugely pregnant issue and all the other lovely side effects of pregnancy).

  9. I completely agree on the no diaper pail stance... it just wasn't very useful at all. Sort of like when someone sprays air-freshener after going #2 and it just smells like air-freshened shit? It smelled like diaper pail poo. Besides, who wants excrement hanging around anyway, regardless of the container it's in? You should totally go with the Sassy bags. It's obviously meant to be. Feel better!! :)

  10. Was it a cappuccino muffin? Those were my favorites in NY.

  11. Kristin6:30 PM

    If the blonde really could make potato chips from tomatoes.. now that would be something!! ;)

  12. Ah my last blog is about the joys of annoying adverts. Put it this way: have adverts ever made your day better? No, no they haven't.


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