Thursday, April 28, 2011

What John Hurt Must Have Felt Like in Alien, Before His Untimely Death

I’m 18 weeks pregnant. Apparently I should be feeling this thing move any day now.

Except, how will I know what it feels like? People say it feels like popcorn popping, which would be helpful if I’d ever thought to use my uterus for snack-warming, but as it is I have a microwave, so while I know what popcorn popping sounds and smells like, I have no idea what it would feel like if it were happening inside of me. You might as well tell me my baby moving will feel like a the Jamaican guys at West 4th Street playing the steel drums, or Patrick Dempsey vigorously brushing his hair.

Some others say it’s like a flutter, akin to butterflies in your stomach, or the feeling you get going over the first big drop on a roller coaster. I’ve felt those things, but not recently.

No, either my baby is too busy watching shadows on the uterine wall (the closest it has to TV--sad!) or is really adept at doing burrito impressions. Either way, I'm kind of proud.

I’ve read that it can hear now, too, so I’ve been talking to it sometimes. Nothing major, just small talk.

"Do you like that, baby?" I'll ask while steamrolling through a plate of waffles, or rubbing lotion on my belly. It's a rhetorical question, of course. I assume the baby enjoys all of my activities--that it thrills at filling up online shopping carts with maternity clothes that will make us look like we live on a stylish prairie, and cares about whether that bitch Alexandria will get her comeuppance on America's Next Top Model.

"I love you," I'll sometimes whisper. Not when I'm around other people, who might think I'm expressing my secret adoration for a table lamp or my own reflection, but when I'm alone, lying in bed, cupping my belly with both hands.

"I love you."

And then I sit, waiting expectantly--like I have so many times in my kitchen, watching that butter-stained bag inflate as it spins on the glass plate, bathed in yellow light--for the first pop.
Share/Bookmark

32 comments :

  1. Beautiful post. I don't have any kids but most of my friends do and they all say the roller coaster feeling is it. You just get that roll-y feeling in your belly. The kicker is: you won't even know for sure that's it until you ask someone who knows and they confirm it for you! But I do hope it comes soon. And I know that Baby Curmudgeon loves you too. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hm. It DOES feel kind of like an alien's in your belly. No, wait, not kind of. EXACTLY like that. And just wait til baby gets the hiccups.

    ReplyDelete
  3. *Does a happy little weep*

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous9:23 AM

    Whatever it feels like to you, you'll know what it is the second you feel it. It's unmistakable. And amazing. And it will give you an uncontrollable urge to stroke your belly.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Awwwww! What a sweet post. You'll have to post something (which I imagine you already are planning to) when the baby does finally move and you can feel it. I'm 15 weeks along and I'm getting excited about it too. I also talk to my belly (I might sing to it too), I think it's perfectly normal!

    Tuesday I had to go for an appointment and the doctor used the doppler to listen to the heart beat and I heard the baby kick - It was awesome! Anyways, can't wait to hear about when it happens.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ugh, I came down here at 6:30 in the morning for a good giggle and you made me cry! In a nice way, though.

    With my first daughter those early kicks felt like little drops of water. Of course, with my second (whom I'm currently incubating) it felt like she was stabbing me with razor-sharp knees, so it just goes to show that every kid is different.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Imagine what bubbles rising to the surface of pond would feel like...that's what you're waiting to feel. Later on is a completely different story and can certainly mimic many, many things seen in the Alien movies. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I used to read to my daughters when they were being constructed in my wife's belly. The coolest thing would be when I would saddle up nice and close, talk, and see the baby move, presuming it was in response to hearing a familiar sound.

    You'll have that kind of wonder soon enough!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I love this post! Going through this with you is such a pleasure. Thank you so much!

    As for how the baby feels, it depends (I've done this 3 times). The first time I spent half an hour trying to brush the moth off the front of my top before I realized what it was. It's been nearly 15 years since I first felt it and i'll never forget it. That and how often he got the hiccups. Every day for hours without fail. Actually, it was kind of awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  10. My little fish were so active that one of them tied a knot in his umbilical cord. There were little flutters at first, perhaps a bit of a bit of gas, then a fishy flop and finally feet and elbows poking me in the rib cage and stepping on my bladder.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I've just read that it can also feel like gas pains. Which in my case doesn't help much as I'm always gassy. So I have to determine "Is that the baby I'm feeling, or just that sausage I ate for lunch?" (I'm almost 19 weeks pregnant with my 3rd)

    ReplyDelete
  12. psychsarah12:33 PM

    The way I described the feeling to my husband was that I felt like our Bean was using the inside of my belly button like a speed bag (this first happened about 10 weeks ago). When it happened the first time, it was quite vigorous. Ha-funny that, he just did it as I typed it. It was probably closer to 20 weeks for me though, so you might have to be a wee bit more patient :) It's totally bizarro at first, but now it's kinda nice. My friends who have grown up kids say they miss the feeling, so relish it when it comes!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Nice Post. Say I love you all the time. Say it now. Say it when you put them to bed at night. Say it when they leave the house in the morning. He/she is hearing it and it makes a great foundation to soar from.

    For me, the first movements felt like gas bubbles that didn't hurt. I'd eat lunch, and then there would be these odd gas bubble feelings. Not unlike the first sign of cramps/period.

    I can't wait to read your posts about how tired you are of getting kicked in the lungs/side/crotch from the inside in a few short months! Fun times.

    ReplyDelete
  14. You'll know it when it happens. I was afraid I'd not recognize it for what it was the first time too, but I did. It's a fluttering at first, then it gets more defined, heavier, flop flipping and flip flopping, and always the second you lay down.
    Funny thing is that you feel it sooner in subsequent pregnancies, but you also pop a belly sooner too, so that must be it, a greater arena for the little acrobat.
    When we were alone I used to always ask "You ok in there? You got everything you need?"
    If that bitch Alexandria doesn't trip herself up soon, I'll scream! I've been away so don't say anything, I gotta watch what I have recorded.

    ReplyDelete
  15. You'll know.
    No question.
    You'll know.

    ReplyDelete
  16. This was poetic in a way. I'm impressed!
    You should play the baby some music too, that way s/he will have an appreciation for awesome tunes!
    My Mama says she read to me in-utero and I love to read. She says she's the reason why. lol..

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous2:49 PM

    I totally just teared up! Bottom line: Pregnancy is a trip (amazing and flabbergasting and surreal all mixed up for 40 weeks) and Motherhood is simply pretty damn cool. Congratulations!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Sweet! You're going to be a great mom! I always thought it felt like a major fart brewing when my babies were kicking. In fact, I think my first child was kicking me for a long time before I noticed that there were no enormous farts following the inner-bubbling. And there were also a lot of major farts, so maybe I never actually felt my babies moving, but I'm pretty sure I did. Especially later when they get sick of being so confined and stretch their little bodies out into a full standing position so that both of their feet can be clearly seen outlined on your stomach skin. You can definitely feel that.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Holly3:44 PM

    Alexandria totally deserves the axe. Why is she still even there?
    Oh... and the baby stuff is cool as well I guess.

    For real though, so happy for you and Jeff, and I hope that you enjoy the rest of the pregnancy... from what you've written on Aiming Low, it might turn out to be a real bitch. Let's hope it doesn't (and that there's no birth poop involved. No-one wants to see that.)

    ReplyDelete
  20. deborah5:25 PM

    Lovely post.... I'm a bit broody now!

    It will most likely happen when you are lying down, having a relax in the evening with your feet up. That's when the little flipper tends to get more active.

    Enjoy.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Thanks for the sweet flashback to the pregnancy days (happy tears)...so excited for you and for the joy and fun you are having and will have with this!!!

    Kind of felt like a rogue supersonic gas bubble. Then I remember one wave my husband and I got to watch (when I was appropriately more Orca sized). Always felt so helpless (and slightly freaked out) when our second would get the hiccups in utero!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I think it feels like you ate something bad...as the months progress, the feeling increasingly moves toward like you just caught cholera.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I didn't even realize that the thing I was feeling was my son moving until weeks later. I'm so happy for you.

    ReplyDelete
  24. To me, it felt less like a "flutter" or "bubbles" and more like caterpillars crawling around in my abdomen. It also felt a bit like gas, but without the pain and the cramping. I think I first felt her around 20 weeks, at least, that was the first time I knew for sure that what I was feeling was her.

    And I love talking to the baby when I'm by myself because I'm finally not actually talking to myself anymore!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I'm so happy for you! Congrats!!! =D I can't offer any advice, as I've yet to have a child. But I can tell you that in between wedding planning, I often find myself wondering if our future children will inherit my eyebrow, which I inherited from my very Italian father... so if you ever need to worry with someone on that topic, I'm your girl!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Yeah, I had to constantly ask myself if I needed to toot. If the answer was no, then I could then assume it was baby and not a gas bubble.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Aww that is so sweet! And FYI, it doesn't feel like popcorn popping, a roller coaster ride, or butterflies. It feels like a tiny little person moving inside your belly! So just wait for that, trust me, you'll know! :)

    ReplyDelete
  28. Anonymous6:17 AM

    I had my last child almost 24 years ago, but the best memories of both my pregnancies was feeling them move (except, of course, during those last couple of months, when they kicked the shit outta me when I was trying to store up some sleep). I remember just watching the movement while laying on the couch and seeing a foot here or there. Amazing memories. Savor them.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Tracey3:40 PM

    There was an episode of "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" where the chick said she had the "bubble guts" from drinking "too much soda". Turns out that was her baby moving around. So take that for what it is worth. Otherwise, I have no idea as I have never been knocked up.

    ReplyDelete
  30. A very sweet, still hilarious post! I think it feels more like muscle spasms in your uterus until it grows some strong legs around 30 weeks..then it feels like a person kicking you inside your guts :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...