Today, let's look at "The Comfort Wipe," suggested by Deborah F. Imagine a cheap toilet brush/anal probe manufactured by Swiffer to hold your TP so that you don't--gasp!--have to crush or fold toilet paper, an act our poor ancestors slaved over "for 100 years" (before that, they used wool, lace, or hemp, which were much less labor-intensive unless you count the treatment of anal scratching.)
My favorite quotes:
- "It extends you reach a full 18 inches!" (Because who can reach their butt using just their arms?)
- "It's as easy to use as a shower brush!" (Because it is a shower brush, just with a weird ET head instead of bristles!)
- "Just press the release button and the tissue drops right into the toilet!" (Great for people whose arthritis prevents them from unclenching their fingers!)
- "Think about it... toilet paper is really archaic, and disgusting. The Comfort Wipe is a modern solution." (Toilet paper is not inherently archaic or disgusting, but shooting excrement out of holes in our butts is. Why not get to the root of the problem and replace our colons with awesome--and santitary--marble slides?!?)
That's probably it.
P.S. If you haven't already, visit my review blog and enter to win a $100 Spa Finder gift card courtesy of Olay!