Friday, April 22, 2011

TGI...WTF? When Charmin Loses Its Charm

I have been inundated lately with genius suggestions for TGI...WTF?, which I love not only because it lets me interact with you, dear reader, but also because it means I have to do less work, which is my general goal in life.

Today, let's look at "The Comfort Wipe," suggested by Deborah F. Imagine a cheap toilet brush/anal probe manufactured by Swiffer to hold your TP so that you don't--gasp!--have to crush or fold toilet paper, an act our poor ancestors slaved over "for 100 years" (before that, they used wool, lace, or hemp, which were much less labor-intensive unless you count the treatment of anal scratching.)


My favorite quotes:
  • "It extends you reach a full 18 inches!" (Because who can reach their butt using just their arms?)
  • "It's as easy to use as a shower brush!" (Because it is a shower brush, just with a weird ET head instead of bristles!)
  • "Just press the release button and the tissue drops right into the toilet!" (Great for people whose arthritis prevents them from unclenching their fingers!)
  • "Think about it... toilet paper is really archaic, and disgusting. The Comfort Wipe is a modern solution." (Toilet paper is not inherently archaic or disgusting, but shooting excrement out of holes in our butts is. Why not get to the root of the problem and replace our colons with awesome--and santitary--marble slides?!?)
Then again, maybe I'm just jealous because I wasn't the first person to think of taking an ergonomic dildo and using it for human waste disposal.

That's probably it.

P.S. If you haven't already, visit my review blog and enter to win a $100 Spa Finder gift card courtesy of Olay!
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19 comments :

  1. I regret that it's too late to order three for my children and wrap them up in bunny cellophane as an Easter basket.
    The first time my eldest got the tiniest amount of poo on his hand while wiping heralded YEARS of me wiping for him, then his sister, then his little brother. Oh, the creative calls they came up with to signal me to my task, you have no idea. All because one once got grossed out, a comedy routine of epic proportions was born.
    Someone should make a shorter version for children.

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  2. I wouldn't let that thing near my butt. How do people think of these things.

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  3. oh dear god that's disgusting

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  4. I...what the...I mean...there are no words.

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  5. How can the "spokeswomen" deliver that pitch with a straight face?
    Give that woman an ACADEMY AWARD.

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  6. This reminds me of one of my favorite Simpsons quote and episode when Bart fantasized about getting really fat- "I wash myself with a rag on a stick." Seems he could have used this device as well.

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  7. I love the lady with the slight Joan Rivers accent.


    Also, @RiseandShine....I was like that as a child as well. Oh, memories.

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  8. They'll probably sell like hotcakes...just like the Slanket!

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  9. We sell something similar, but we call it the "Toilet Tissue Aid"! http://www.mvmsinc.com/toilettissueaid.aspx

    There is a real purpose for these, other than those that have phobias of getting poo on their fingers:
    1) People who have had spine or hip surgery that cannot twist or bend.
    2) Morbidly obese people who simply cannot reach.

    I might just have to add "great for mothers with children who have a phobia of getting poo on their fingers"!

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  10. These are also great for little people or others whose arms aren't long enough to reach.
    For the average person, however, it's ridiculous.

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  11. My friend had to use salad tongs to hold her TP after back surgery last year because she couldn't reach to wipe. If only we had known this existed!

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  12. Anonymous6:20 PM

    As funny as it may seem people use these! I am an occupational therapist and have met with many clients, particularly older people, who can't reach and this solves their problem easily.

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  13. As a nurse I can say there really are people out there who can't reach their butts, and that ad is hilarious!


    mywarpedworld.blogspot.com

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  14. Just for the record, I think it's great that this product helps the infirm and physically challenged. But this commercial is obviously not targeted towards those people, which is why it is dumb.

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  15. I just feel bad for the actors in this commercial.

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  16. Oh holy jesus. But hey, if it helps people who can't reach their butt stay clean and not stink up the world for the rest of us, I'm all for it. But I don't want to hear about it. Or see it. Or think about it.

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  17. I just found what I'm getting everyone for Christmas!!

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  18. Nice article, thanks for the information.

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  19. Ah...ahem, cough cough, I'll just go ahead and be honest that you might see it in a new light when you are 9 months pregnant. You laugh now. Wait till you discover it ain't so simple to reach your funky parts by then.

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