Friday, April 8, 2011

TGI...WTF? Creepy Baby Products, Part 1

The first in what I'm sure will be a series, otherwise known as "my registry," I give you...

...the Zaky Infant Pillow.

It's like Anne Geddes hacked off Guy Smiley's forearms. Or if Thing from The Addams Family and his identical twin became wet nurses.


Now, I should mention that these were developed to comfort preemies when their parents couldn't hold them, and I am not heartless; I want those preemies to feel the dismembered love and heal. But... these still look fucking creepy. There is just no way around it.


There, there, child. Just relax and let Papa Smurf push your soft little head into the carpet.

Unrelated: I totally forgot to tell you guys my most shameful and hilarious fate trick in yesterday's post. In elementary school, when I would play Oregon Trail, I would name all of the people in my wagon after boys I had crushes on. He who did NOT die of dystentery by the time we reached the Willamette Valley was deemed The One.
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16 comments :

  1. Papa smurf....L M B O.

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  2. HAHAHA! I love Oregon Trail

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  3. Rebecca9:50 AM

    Hey - I've been reading your blog for a while but don't comment - until you mentioned the Oregon Trail. Did you know that you can now download it off the internet? You can still pick the names, say, of coworkers you don't like -

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  4. hahahahaha! I did the same thing with oregon trail. I remember the boys would name them bad words. my husband has the oregon trail app on his ipod & still names them bad words. Just last week skank got a broken leg & boner got lost.

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  5. My friend had those creepy hands for her baby, and we made fun of her. A lot.

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  6. Now who doesn't love some Papa Smurf?

    Ya, those are creepy.

    I did the same thing with Oregon Trail.

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  7. I am a nurse of preemies... and a mother brought those creepy things in one day. We all refused to put them in with her twins... something about a man-sized bean bag arm just gave us all the willies. Blankets work just as well!

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  8. you are even funnier now that you are baking a bubby.

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  9. i read an article of a woman who came up with these and she said she would carry one around so it would smell like her and left it with her child to be soothed. I was all for it until I thought why not carry a blanket to catch your smell and cover your baby with it? Seems more practical than a weird amputeed arm or hand.

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  10. ah. creepy, sure. but when you haven't had more than 20 minutes of consecutive sleep because of your crying infant who won't be put down even for a second, well, I have a feeling you will be breaking out the papa smurf arm too. or a rainbow bright fibula or anything else that will make your child sleep. that said, i definitely do not own a papa smurf arm.

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  11. Guy Smiley! America's favorite game show host!
    His segments were always hysterical.
    I went to the website and looked around. They referred to old timey swaddling as "straight jackets". Big sigh....more build a better baby arrogance.

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  12. The things people come up with. *shudder*
    It probably was a better idea on paper than in actuality.

    I have a feeling tons of girls did the same thing with Oregon Trail. Except mine actually came true in a round about, cryptic, kind of way. I wonder how many had the same happen to them.

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  13. LMAO! Oh Papa Smurf... Such a thoughtful fella. Thanks for making my day... again.

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  14. Back in 1968, my newborn had my childhood teddy bear placed on his back and behind. So, I was on the right track?

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  15. You had me rolling at the Guy Smiley reference. Awesome!

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