Monday, April 4, 2011

The M Word



You're not going to become a mommy blogger, are you?

The above sentence was taken from one of the many lovely comments I got on my pregnancy announcement post. And I'm mentioning it here not to shame the commenter, but because it's a totally valid question, and one that I've wondered myself over the past three months:

I'm not going to become a mommy blogger, am I?

The truth is, I don't even know how to define the term "mommy blogger." Now that it's entered the popular vernacular, it's a label that gets slapped on any blogger who also happens to be a mom. But is that the sole qualification? Does a blogger who gives birth, or adopts, become a mommy blogger against her will? And does it have to be a bad thing? Am I asking too many questions? Do I sound like Carrie Bradshaw right now? I couldn't help but wonder... does mommy-blogging lead to mommy-flogging? Okay, I'll stop.

But seriously, what is a mommy blogger?

I'll start by trying to whittle it down.

On the one hand, we have moms and moms-to-be who start blogs specifically to write about parenting or to document their growing family (maybe they started the blog during pregnancy to keep friends and relatives up to date, or maybe they just needed an outlet through which to vent/coo to an audience about their chaotic, juice box-filled life).


On the other, we have women bloggers who then become mothers. For the sake of argument, lets say they've spent the better part of their twenties documenting their every PMS outburst and drunken online shopping mistake, and then--lo and behold!--they settle into a domestic routine and proceed to blog a lot about their marriage, much to the chagrin of their very patient and underrepresented spouse. After a few years of wedded bliss, they decide to further the species through intercourse, blogging all the while (well, not during the intercourse... unless they are exceptionally dextrous). Are these women no different from the women in the first category? (Keep in mind that I am not biased at all.)


Through an informal Twitter poll, I found that most people define a mommy blogger as someone who only blogs about her kids and/or being a mom, excluding all other aspects of her life. The general consensus was also that it was generally derogatory, suggesting a person who considered herself superior based solely on her ability to procreate (although one woman said she liked the label because it "means I found enough time to mom AND blog!")

But here's the question that keeps sticking with me: Is possible to be a mom who also just happens to blog? From everything I've heard, becoming a parent changes your life. And if you have a blog that's basically just a glorified diary of your life, as I do, wouldn't it naturally follow that after I give birth the blog will focus--if not exclusively, at least heavily--on my child and experience of motherhood?

Of course I'll still do posts about stupid fashion trends, petty food-related crimes, trashy TV shows, and my relationship with Jeff. But come fall I suspect this blog will be all about baby, at least for awhile.

So what do you think? Will I change? Will you care? Should I worry? Or should I just say, motherfuck it?
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75 comments :

  1. As long as you don't start blogging about all the great coupons you found, I think you're fine. :)

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  2. I don't know about others, but what gets me reading a blog regularly is not always content, but style. Motherhood is one of life's greatest absurdities and even if it's all the material you have (or simply all you find worthwhile writing about) if you continue to write with the same wit and insight, I'm sure many of us will be sticking around.

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  3. While I do dread favorite bloggers becoming "mommy bloggers" I think we're safe with you. I'm sure we'll hear plenty of baby stories but with your sense of humour and wit I'm not worried about being bored by it :)

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  4. Exactly Sassy....motherfuck it. Just do you! Whoever that is, and will be in the upcoming months. Rock on with your bad, knocked-up self.

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  5. To be honest, I don't care what you blog about. I think everything that comes out of your brain is hysterical. So even if you are blogging about your baby, it will be funny. Besides, you are blogging about your life and this baby is going to be a big addition to it. Why wouldn't you share?

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  6. SC, I read your blog because you're hilarious, whether you're talking about fashion stuff which I normally could care less about or providing flow charts for troubleshooting lady parts which I don't have, you make me laugh. That is why I keep coming back.

    So if you do turn into a mommy blogger (gasp!), I guess will just be a dude who reads a mommy blog. And I am ok with that.

    Congrats again the little one. Babies are great for bloggers because they provide Never Ending material. When you’re sinking because you’ve fallen under the spell of blogging’s version of the Swamps of Sadness, they are like little luckdragons who show up and save the day.

    You should totally name your baby Falkor.

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  7. Motherfuck it! I read your blog because your writing is hilarious. You can turn a phrase better than a hooker turns tricks. So, I will still be here, readin' right along. Your stories are always damn funny, and I can only imagine baby spew, poop and pee will add a nice hilarity spice to the mix.

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  8. Write what you know--isn't that the classic writerly advice? And for those who would say that "mommy" is a narrow field, I would say, exactly, motherfuck you. Because as near as I can tell, to be a mom means having to think about: the environment, political leadership (and the astounding lack thereof, hello Tea Bag Partiers?), education, world peace (and the astonishing lack thereof, hello everyone?), fashion (see Mom 101 and padded bikini tops for 8 year olds!!!), sex, gender, television, salary and other economic inequities, and junk food
    Yeah. I can see that "mommy" is a totally narrow way of thinking. And suddenly I realize that if it's okay, I've got me a post of my own to write...
    thanks for the food for thought this AM.

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  9. It doesn't matter - you'll still be hilarious and brilliant whatever you write! You're only deemed a 'mommy (or mummy to us Brits) blogger' if your writing isn't very good. Nothing to worry about there then.

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  10. say mf it, man! Last time I checked, you don't lose your sense of humor when you have a kid. So I think you'll be fine:)

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  11. nah you'll be right... just don't get too precious - at the end of the day you blog about the things that are relevant to you, and your baby will be VERY relevant to you :-)

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  12. Mothers are brilliant beyond diapers! This is your writing about your life experiences and baby will automatically be in your arms, thoughts, and your experiences. You can't exclude part of you for a more limited scope.

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  13. I think you just have to go with it. This is a blog about your life, as you say, so it think it would be very odd if you didn't talk about pregnancy and motherhood at least to some degree. Just continue to be yourself.

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  14. I'm a mother who happens to blog. Sometimes I talk about my kid, sometimes I talk about the state of the world, sometimes I talk about my Spirituality, and sometimes I talk about beating the shit out of someone with a bat.

    I think you'll be fine : )

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  15. Definitely say, motherfuck it. Just as much crazy shi* happens when you have kids. I personally will enjoy your take on other mom's who always look like they have it together. Let's just say I am not one of those.

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  16. Don't worry about it. I am actually excited for you to blog about being a mom, as I know you will add your own flava and make it funny and entertaining. Again, you give me hope that I, too, can someday be a cool mom. Don't let me down. JK. But really.

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  17. If you blog about your child's first solid bowel movement, complete with photos, I'm outta here!

    (I have a friend who captured that "milestone" in a baby album and I was so grossed out that I never returned to her home.)

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  18. Do what comes naturally to you. Besides, what some people see as granola, i.e. parenting...is some of the greatest fodder for disgusting anecdote, embarrassing quips, and eye-popping, jaw dropping experience. At first, it's all beautiful and sweet. But, trust me...there's a point when it turns. Take the other day...when my 4 year old son explained to another child in line that his rabbit was going to squeeze babies from her vagina...yeah...you're going to be fine.

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  19. It's your blog. Do whatever you like.
    And what's wrong with being a mommy blogger? Some people are simply so self righteous. Sheesh.

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  20. I'd say you will start to blog a bit about the baby, but that's okay. You started blogging about your marriage and didn't lose the Sassy Curmudgeon-ness, so I'm sure pushing out a baby will not change it too much! Just keep doing what you do and it'll be all good!

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  21. I am a "mom who just happens to blog", but I am not a mommy blogger. In fact, probably less than a third of my posts have anything to do with my children. Could be because they're teenagers and it would get old describing the ways I want to kill them, but whatever.

    Yes, your pregnancy/baby will come up on occasion - it's natural. However, you were a blogger long before you became a mom; you already have your own voice and I don't see that changing.

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  22. It's YOUR blog. Write it to suit YOU, and it will be perfect. I write about whatever happens to be occurring in my life. Since my full time job is motherhood, there is a lot of mom stuff. That's just how it is.

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  23. As long as you keep making me laugh every single freaking day, I'll keep reading. Doesn't matter if you're blogging about baby or wine bra

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  24. I'm actually looking forward to reading about all the baby stuff!

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  25. Since you've had plenty to say before you had children, and since you are irreverent and hilarious, I think your blog will will be fine. A child viewed without a fuzzy filter could be great blog fodder. You have a billion readers; really you can afford to lose some. And congratulations; you're in for a great adventure.

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  26. Ouizee10:56 AM

    Motherfuck it! When that kid of yours pops out, you'll find that "motherfuck it" is the answer to so many things because you lose control of pretty much everything. You'll find your blogging way, just like you'll find your way with everything else...
    Rock on, Sassy!

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  27. I consider myself to be a blogger first and a mother second (when it comes to writing, that is... what kind of mother would I be if it was that way in real life?)

    I started blogging after I was married and my kids were all born. I treat them (in my blog, remember) like the latest accessory or trendy handbag. They just enhance my life. Besides, I'm crap at taking photographs so I have no artistic shots of my beautiful, perfect kids unless you count the times I've found my teenaged son sleeping and gigglingly snapped him drooling on his duvet.

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  28. Anonymous11:21 AM

    I am one of those who are a little worried, simply because I personally have no interest in parenting. But I know that it will come up because it will be a part of your life & I have faith that you will still be funny & charming & everything you've always been. After all, I have no interest in fashion or celebrity gossip either, but I do when YOU write about it!

    Just...please, for the love of god..don't give us a graphic play-by-play of your birthing process like so many other blogs I've stopped reading. I unsubscribe at the term "mucous plug".

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  29. I can't think of a better comedic monologue than "BIll Cosby, Himself". I must have watched it at least 50 times and I know it ALL by heart. My parents have been playing that BETA-Then VHS-then DVD for years and years and we still laugh out loud every thime we see it.
    .
    If you haven't seen it, please watch it with Jeff, you will not regret it. It's 90% "having children" and not one boring minute.

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  30. Anonymous11:35 AM

    Irony is everything. You already blog hilariously about your own childhood, so why should your child's ridiculous antics and relationship to pop culture be any less funny?

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  31. Just do what comes natural to you! One of my favorite blogs - Cup of Jo - is still the same despite her having a baby, just with a few more baby pictures! I will be a little disappointed if you start using the f-bomb less, but otherwise I don't think you could let me down :)

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  32. As Popeye would say I ams What I ams, I is what I is, or don't fuck with me till I has me morning Spinach. I agree with all the above.. I follow you because your smart, write well, and despite of being born with a Una-Brow, have a really good take on stuff. Don't fret Una..we read you because of who you are, not so much as to what is happening..but a baby with Jeff IS like putting melted Chocolate on Ice Cream.

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  33. Anonymous11:48 AM

    My biggest fear, as a huge fan of your blog for over a year now, is that you wont have the time to blog for us once you become a mommy. Like a few of my friends who had children later in life (I had mine earlier in life), they became parents and no longer have time for our friendship like they used to. That makes me sad, but I do understand it - their family has to come first, as mine did when my kids were younger. And Jeff, the other half of the foundation called marriage, will also need time with you. Nuture that foundation or the whole house structure is compromised.
    What I am trying to say is be realistic with mommy-hood and spend your time where it is needed the most. We will survive if you check in and grace us with your amazing writing only from time to time. Ill keep following you, Sassy!

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  34. First of all congrats again! Write whatever you want but I have the same thoughts about women overall sometimes, why is it that we suddenly have to define ourselves as mom. Do you hear men first identify themselves as a dad? And I don't mean this to be mean in any way, just that women are always the ones that have to immediately drop it all as soon as they are a "mom." What happens to the rest of us?

    I will continue to read you no matter what because you are a great writer, and you are doing what I had wanted to do in my younger years, actually get paid to write (outside of your blog).

    Keep up the good work. I do want to hear about the family stuff going forward, that's my vote, not that it matters :)

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  35. I heart your blog! I'd actually love to read about your pregnancy and related experiences and I don't have kids. Is that creepy?

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  36. Don't let the blog title fool you, while I do blog about my kids...it isn't just that. There is more to life than what I wiped my kids' butts with...seriously. Blog as you do or as you want, you are so freaking funny I'll read it regardless! ;D
    http://shesnotyouraveragemom.blogspot.com/

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  37. I don't get why people (anonymously) are expressing their "worry" over the content of your blog. It's *your* blog, that you generously use to entertain us out of the goodness of your heart. Do what feels natural for you!

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  38. I'm a mom and I blog. I also live in France, which helps to find things to blog about besides being a mom. But even if I didn't, I would still keep it to just a part of what my blog was about. I think the trick is writing about things other people would be interested in reading (regarding kids), especially those who don't have kids. There is actually not much content left, ha ha.

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  39. I am a mom, but blogging wasn't invented until after my kids could drive. At the time, they asked me to leave them the hell out of it, so I did. My blog is funnier without them.

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  40. You're not going to lose your Sassy just because you have a baby. I personally can. not. WAIT to read your thoughts on the new experiences coming your way.

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  41. Thanks for being awesome and supportive as always, guys. And seriously, if I ever post a photo of my kid's poop, you not only have me blessing, but my INSISTANCE that you stop following this blog and forget you ever knew me.

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  42. INSISTENCE, sorry. Apparently I can't spell when I get ALL CAPS EXCITED.

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  43. You will just be an awesome blogger, who happens to be a mommy. And if you write about poopy diapers, you will find a way to make it funny to everyone.

    But, honestly, you're not going to become a mommy blogger are you?

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  44. Mommyblogger, schmommyblogger. No one stays the same forever. People's lives change, and you're no exception. People read your blog because of your sense of humor, not necessarily because of the content. Lots of us are excited for you and want to read about your experiences during this new adventure.

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  45. ha ha Erin stole my opening line. It doesn't matter what you write about, as long as your humour and sassyness sticks around.
    I think that your adventures thru pregnancy & mommyhood are going to be full of great stories to share, and I can't wait to hear them.

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  46. Anonymous4:11 PM

    I have to admit, I'm a little worried too that your post will become more and more focused on your pregnancy and your child. Not because I think it will make your blog worse somehow, but because I don't have kids and don't plan to any time soon so I won't identify as much - completely selfish reason! But, on the other hand, I love your perspective on things so I'm sure the blog will continue to rock. Besides, its YOUR blog. Motherfuck it!

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  47. Kristin5:23 PM

    Because of my business, I am pretty much forced to interact with mommy bloggers. If you're looking for a definition of the phrase 'mommy blogger', these women are it (I'd link to their sites, but I fear they'd find me. Theyz cray cray).

    That said, I CAN NOT STAND mommy bloggers.

    That said, you are not and will never be a 'mommy blogger'. Just because you will be a mom (YAY!) does NOT rank you with the likes of these women.

    You, my friend, are different. And by different I mean better. Much better.

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  48. who gives a flying fart that mom bloggers blog about being moms. the critics usually are women who have yet to reproduce (i'm guilty of this...not getting knocked up but poking fun of moms who blog). point being, we make fun because secretly we're still that jealous 13 year old girl who just found out that their best friend got their period before you did. don't let anyone stop you!

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  49. Anonymous5:51 PM

    To be honest, I kind of sighed with relief when you acknowledged this potential. Mostly because I'm a cranky law student, who is in her mid-twenties and who may or may not want a baby of her own, while all her friends are having babies....(endless selfish rant). Regardless, dear Una, I will remain faithful to your blog because you're wonderful and yours is the only blog I read. lol You were my first blog, and whenever I venture out into the blog universe, I'm always clucking "well this blog is not like Una's" like some weird version of a creepy ex. So, Preggo Waffle, do your thang. - Dalia

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  50. "I don't get why people (anonymously) are expressing their "worry" over the content of your blog. It's *your* blog, that you generously use to entertain us out of the goodness of your heart. Do what feels natural for you!"

    @EllenQ, I commented anonymously because my work computer would not allow me to post a comment any other way. She asked for our opinions; I gave mine. I'm not sorry that it doesn't 100% agree with yours.

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  51. It's OK, Erin and Ellen, I welcome all comments. And for the record I totally understand why some of you might worry, especially if you have no interest in pregnancy and babies/kids. But if a few of you end up outgrowing the blog, that's OK. It happens! And the rest of you can hear what I have to say about kegels and my fear of pelvic prolapse, so EVERYONE WINS!!!

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  52. Congratulations.
    I still think you'd make one sassy blog regardless of being a mommy or not.

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  53. Your pregnancy announcement post was hilarious and did not exactly fit the stereotype. Congrats, and I am not at all worried about the future of your blog!

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  54. Listen, I think you should do whatever you want when the time comes. You might not want to blog at all or you might want to shout each detail from the keyboard.
    You really are on your way to a big change. I wouldn't spend too much time wondering what you'll do when it happens because you can't really know until you're on the other side. Whatever you decide then will be fine.
    If you end up being an obnoxious mommy blogger, we'll let you know, ok?

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  55. You could always have a second blog for Mommy posts... if you start to feel the need.

    I blog, I am a Mom, I am NOT a MOMMY BLOGGER. I believe if the topic content varies enough you will not be labeled... BUT what the heck do I know? I could be living a delusion over my blogger status...

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  56. Anonymous7:04 PM

    I don't know how to post un-anonymously. virgin blogger/ reader here. keep the bliss in this post @erin. no drama. We know it's Una's blog, but we follow it and love her posts enough that we feel comfortable enough to post our thoughts. Isn't that the point of a blog/comment area? - Dalia

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  57. It's like you're living my life, just a month-ish behind me. I just pondered the question of whether or not I would become a *gasp* Mommy blogger, but after much thought, I also came to the conclusion that a typical "mommy blogger" is one who either a) created a blog for the sole purpose of writing about her kids or b) only writes about her kids. After further consideration, I concluded that I am a very aware individual who understands that most of the world could really give a shit about any kids I have, and therefore I will never ever be a true mommy blogger because that's just not me. I don't foresee myself becoming the over sharing, look-how-cute-my-kids-are kind of mommy, because, quite frankly, I can't stand those people. But ask me again in five or six months and I might answer by showing you the-most-adorable-pictures-that-you-will-ever-see-in-your-life-of-my-new-baby-girl.

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  58. Sassy - I love your blog when it makes me laugh, I love your blog when you're being serious, I love your blog even when you write about something I don't know anything about.

    It's your writing and your personality that make TSC. I can't wait for your take on pregnancy and motherhood. I get the feeling you'll tell it like it is, and you'll do it with some sass. Doesn't get much better than that!

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  59. I think your blog will be hilarious, no matter what. Also, I super love babies, so I'm looking forward to cute baby picture in addition to funny blog posts.

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  60. Just as long as you don't change your background for fear that your child's first word might be F*ck. (although that would make for an awesome sorry)

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  61. Sorry Una it should have said Story - not sorry. Evidently I can't spell when it comes to thinking about your unborn child saying the F word.

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  62. I would def continue reading, I think you have a funny way of sharing your life experiences and would love to see some funny posts about your experiences in motherhood. My yoga instructor once said "Yoga is about holiness, and part of being holy, is being funny. You must be balanced, and if you are serious all the time, you can't be balanced. So laugh!" I personally look forward to you're pilgrimage into the world of mom... good luck!

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  63. I love reading your blog! You are thefirst blog I actually subscribed to last year when I began my blogging journey and your sense of humor and how you spin everyday events keeps me coming back. I can't wait for your take on mommyhood! I'll keep reading... unless like previously mentioned, you start blogging about all those coupons and how $300 in groceries only cost you five bucks.

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  64. I think you could write about cream cheese and still be hilarious-considering the things all my friends' kids do/say/get into, I can only imagine how fantastic all the new blog fodder will be!

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  65. No matter how many times you think 'I won't be one of those mothers'... you will. Your child will constantly entertain and educate you, and you will be bound to share it with anyone and everyone. You are incubating your new obsession.

    Personally, I can't wait to hear your una-ique take on everything you're embarking on.

    And if you feel compelled to blog about all things mommy.... start a blog just for your tyke. We did.... and I'm sure he'll be thrilled to take it over when he's in his teens. And it keeps our family, all of whom are overseas, happy to watch him grow from afar.

    Cheers!

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  66. The Carrie Bradshaw comment is a total win.
    You're my hero.

    Also, the photo of whatshisface Sci-Fi guy from Party Down below, added to my worship of your blog.

    You'll probably be like Amy Poehler in Mean Girls.
    "I'm not like a regular mom. I'm a cool mom."

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  67. Will you become a mommy blogger? I doubt it. You have a rich life full of content and parenthood will just add to that.

    After all, I didn't start blogging until 2003 --- my kid was already 19 years old and living 1500 miles away.

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  68. I for one can't wait! Bring on the mommy blog!

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  69. I was a mom already when I started blogging years ago - and while the kids do sometimes make it in - as I rant about being a youth athletic team manager and other assorted trials & tribulations - I started the blogs primarily for my hobby (needlework) - which I really got into when my kids were of a more self-sufficient age :)

    I'm still a mom, still a needleworker, NO LONGER a YAT manager, thank god, and still blogging - kids, animals, weather, shopping cart vigilantism all make it in, with a side of sarcasm that some folk just refuse to pick up on :) Look at it this way - you'll just have way more material to work with soon :)

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  70. Just say 'fuck it'. You're funny, you'll always be funny, bundle of joy or not.

    --Kim

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  71. I like to think I'm a mom who blogs. I'm also a Realtor who blogs. I'm also a reticent exerciser, a drama queen, a cook and a wife... who blogs. I am not defined by my ability to procreate and neither is my blog. Eff those who want to put us in a box.

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  72. Tracey10:44 PM

    i think this is what some of us non-moms think of when they hear their favorite blogger is knocked up... (link to Garfunkel and Oates' "Pregnant Women are Smug" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJRzBpFjJS8)

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  73. I'm with the general consensus, especially Elizabeth Newlin.
    Besides, I can't wait to read your spin on funky edibles and the side effects of long periods without sleep.

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  74. I will not care. You will carry your fantastic story telling into a new time of your life. I started following Dooce on Dooce.com in 1999. BEFORE she became a "mommy blogger." Nothing changed just more material for her to write about. :)

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  75. Furrilla. Mudderfuckit. I happen to be a mommy who blogs and not just about the providential progeny. Motherhood just provides that much more inspiration. Bloating, 3 hour nights, cavernous eye bags, eating chocolate dipped pickles 'cause the midget made 'em, fascist breastfeeding literature from LLL, exploding soggy diapers, milk pumps, gramma panties, elastic waistbands, giant boob slings with access flaps for the hungry, stroller politics... oh! the written possibilities are endless!

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