Thursday, April 21, 2011

Fingerpainting My Morning Commute

Without fail, I am waiting for the train, standing too close to the yellow lines and listening to a motivational 80s movie theme on my iPod when...


Some bitch runs up just as the train comes in so that she can get in the door first.


I glare at her all the way to Times Square while she struggles with her Sudoku.


It's my version of eating my Wheaties.

This was going to be a longer post, illustrating the many offenses against subway etiquette that I record each day--I'm an amateur transit cop out of the Dwight Schrute School of Superiority--but I got tired after three drawings. To be continued...

Also! Today is my first post over at Aiming Low, in which I introduce myself by worrying about vaginal prolapse. I hope I make you proud.
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13 comments :

  1. I feel your pain. I have a chick who is on my bus home more nights than not. She lives in my building, so of course she gets off at the same stop as me. But she has to race me to the bus exit, then start walking really slowly at first in the direction of our building. When I try to get around her, she starts walking faster and cuts me off. She does this so she can get to the mailboxes first (when one person is at the mailbox, you have to wait, lookin' like a jackass). As a result, I just mentally call her a douche and get my mail after dropping my bag off upstairs.

    Last night, my husband and I were both on the bus and she was sitting in front of us. Our bus had been about 5 minutes early, so we decided to get off at the terminal and make the 10 minute walk home instead of waiting. I know it sounds crazy and paranoid, but I swear she heard us talking about it and decided to get off there, too. My husband has heard me rant about her before, but had never seen her. We were the walking version of cockblocked by her for a full block before we broke off in a separate direction. Husband said, "Ugggh! That girl was so SLOW and she just kept getting in the way!!" I was like, "THAT WAS THE PAIN IN THE ASS GIRL WHO GETS OFF AT MY STOP ALL THE TIME AND GETS TO THE MAILBOX FIRST, THAT WAS HERRRRRRRRRRRR!"

    Ahem. In sum: I understand.

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  2. And I thought flashers were the height of subway misconduct lol



    mywarpedworld.blogspot.com

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  3. UGH. I hate that woman with a passion. However...I do love 9-to-5...

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  4. That must be the same woman who comes to my kickboxing class and manages to move from her original spot and crowd me out of my spot. I hate that bitch!

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  5. I always got irritated by that woman when I took the train to work... really? You need to be so late that you have to sprint through the parking lot to not miss the train, but then shove your way through the crowd of 10 or 15 people to be the first through the door? REALLY??

    Those are really cute drawings! How did you do them? Some fancy iPhone app?

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  6. yep...made me proud...you may be the reason i prolong my unemployment-stint...

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  7. Is etiquette completely dead, or will people start giving up their seats for you when you start to show a little more?

    Don't forget to rub your belly to point it out to the jerks who take your seat. They may not give it up, but they'll at least realize what big ass-hats they are.

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  8. I've forgotten everything you said except vaginal prolapse. I need to head over there and be summarily and exquisitely filled with pride.

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  9. You might have sucked at gym, but I've noticed you didn't suck at art.
    Enjoyed your post over at the other place. Those are very good introductory stories as they relate the essence of Una well.
    Kegels are something they tell you to do just so that they can laugh at you when you blame yourself for not doing them well enough or often enough while wetting yourself when sneezing. Pay no attention, it will happen anyway.

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  10. Apparently you need to start acting a lot more miserably pregnant. People should be throwing awesome seats at you at this point. Or, you could knock the bitch out and blame it on hormones.

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  11. I love those drawings, what dud you make them with?

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  12. Heh. My mother had a bladder prolapse, and when she told me what the doctor had told her that meant I didn't believe her -- at which time I learned about the many, many body parts which can suddenly fall out of your coochie. Moral of the story: If something starts tapping you on the back of the knee and there's nobody else around who could be doing it, be afraid. Be very afraid.

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  13. I totally yelled at random Wal-Mart employees today. You could probably get away with yelling at random fellow train passengers.

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