This normal hipster-looking girl on the D train just broke out into opera singing. Although impressive, I think that's the most annoying subway performance choice... Opera singing is intense, yo. Especially between Pacific and Grand*. Seriously. Also it smells like I am literally inside someone's asshole right now. I can't tell if it's my seat or the whole car. I hope the smell doesn't rub off on me. I have my scarf wrapped around my face like a ninja. I hate when you step into a train and realize your car sucks (because it smells like urine, or there's a mariachi band in it) but then it's too late. Gahhhhh.*Important footnote to non-New Yorkers: These are two subway stops divided by the East River, meaning that there are no stops in between for a duration of about 10 minutes.
This text made me laugh out loud (I refuse to say LOL, except for just now, in order to state my boycott) because it really is so true: New York City subway cars are like a minefield of horrifying urban legends. There might be a fragrant homeless person, or a rat on the loose, or a gaggle of tweens shoving each other and laughing like hyenas at the slightest provocation. Or, worse, you might be the victim of a surprise attack. Just the other week, I sat down on a civilized-seeming train and started to read my book, when the elderly gentleman next to me began pointing at me and muttering to himself. Then he farted.
I didn't get up, though. It was rush hour, and I have my priorities.