Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Texts From My Sister: The World Is Not A Stage

This normal hipster-looking girl on the D train just broke out into opera singing. Although impressive, I think that's the most annoying subway performance choice... Opera singing is intense, yo. Especially between Pacific and Grand*. Seriously. Also it smells like I am literally inside someone's asshole right now. I can't tell if it's my seat or the whole car. I hope the smell doesn't rub off on me. I have my scarf wrapped around my face like a ninja. I hate when you step into a train and realize your car sucks (because it smells like urine, or there's a mariachi band in it) but then it's too late. Gahhhhh.
*Important footnote to non-New Yorkers: These are two subway stops divided by the East River, meaning that there are no stops in between for a duration of about 10 minutes.

This text made me laugh out loud (I refuse to say LOL, except for just now, in order to state my boycott) because it really is so true: New York City subway cars are like a minefield of horrifying urban legends. There might be a fragrant homeless person, or a rat on the loose, or a gaggle of tweens shoving each other and laughing like hyenas at the slightest provocation. Or, worse, you might be the victim of a surprise attack. Just the other week, I sat down on a civilized-seeming train and started to read my book, when the elderly gentleman next to me began pointing at me and muttering to himself. Then he farted.

I didn't get up, though. It was rush hour, and I have my priorities.
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9 comments :

  1. farting on the underground is one of my greatest pleasures

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  2. This post made me laugh so hard!!! Thanks for sharing! ;0)
    http://shesnotyouraveragemom.blogspot.com/

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  3. The San Francisco transit people just did tests on the BART and found staph strains, fecal material, blood, MRSA, and other disgusting bits of nastiness on the seats. I'll take a mariachi band (or opera singer) over that any day!

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  4. I used to have a problem with LOL as well, but then had a ridiculous, in-depth discussion with a teenager visiting from France who apparently thought it was an actual word in English that means "laughing". Try saying it with a strong French accent while almost rolling the "L"s and it's bearable. LOL (couldn't resist).
    jane

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  5. HAHA @ ninja scarf face!!! xD Brilliant as always!! Kudos to your sis!

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  6. That text is amazing and honestly sums up the MTA perfectly. The mariachi bands are the worst. Althoug I am a fan of the melodica player on the N train ;)

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  7. So god-damn funny! Any chance of subscribing to your sisters texts?!

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  8. I miss public transportation. So many off the wall experiences and smells. *haha!* Not to mention never having to drive over a bridge that's currently under construction everyday.

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