Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Blame Game

First of all, I have to thank you all so much for the incredible outpouring of excitement and support. Jeff and I feel so loved, and so does The Bean/Baby Z/Fetus Kahlo/Beh Beh LaZor (my sister came up with that last moniker, based on Zsa Zsa Gabor).

Secondly, I meant to blog last night, but falling asleep before 10 kind of cramps my productivity. In fact, I fell asleep on top of Jeff on our couch, and when he attempted to move me I actually kicked and wailed. He then tried to pick me up, and I whined, "I'm not a baaaaaaaaaaaaby."

"Could have fooled me," he replied. I sat up.

"Well, actually," I said, pointing at my stomach, "I am part baby."

That is the biggest perk of pregnancy so far: blaming the baby for everything.

I can blame it for inexplicably crying while doing dishes... and then abandoning said dishes until they begin to form the same slick, cheesy coating that is currently protecting The Bean from being pickled by amniotic fluid.

I can blame it for the state of my digestive tract at any given moment, and any effect it may or may not have on the air around me.

I can blame it for weight gain, regardless of how many entire pizzas I may have consumed that week.

I can blame it for forgetting to do things like return emails, brush my teeth, or pay my taxes (right, IRS?)

I can blame it for my constant fatigue, since it makes me get up twice a night to pee (and is, in fact, peeing inside of me as I type this. So, double pee.)

I can blame it for not being able to wear pants, and thus favoring a fetching evening ensemble of my oversize Tim Gunn t-shirt and sweat socks.

I can only imagine all of the future things I can blame it for: missed work days due to "child illness," financial ruin, loss of bladder control...

This baby is going to be born such a sucker.
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15 comments :

  1. I am super excited for you, by the way! I meant to leave a "congratulations" comment on your last post, but I didn't. And guess what? I'm blaming my kids for it. HA! It totally works.

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  2. Fetus L-Z (Lazy?) can also get you out of jury duty! I know, because I TRIED to serve jury duty when I was very visibly pregnant, and they didn't want me...I think it had to do with the fact that I burst into tears when they started asking me qualifying questions.

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  3. Congratulations on the pregnancy! Yay y'all! My sister is pregnant with her third!! (No they were not planning to have a third, but her Paragard IUD didn't work... so don't get one!) Looks like this year is the year to have some babies! LOL. I'm so happy for y'all! Let us know when the poll is up for baby name suggestions. haha. kidding... but not really.

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  4. mommy brain is my favorite thing to blame on fetus scapegoat!

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  5. oh the list of things you can blame a baby for is infinite and wonderful while at the same time scarily depressing.

    wonderful things babies, as long as you can give them back to their owner when they smell a bit iffy

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  6. I am also pregnant - about a month ago my boyfriend told me I was entering the free pass zone - where from now until the next couple of years passed I could get away with anything by simply blaming the baby. He says you have to announce it as though the baby is actually speaking though, for the full effect. For example - baby says its time to eat or baby wants to leave now. I've used it a couple of times and it works pretty well. I mean, the baby is a whole other person and obviously we are no longer in control - we are just the fetal containment unit.

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  7. Mommy brain is real. My friend is pregnant and she forgets EVERYTHING.

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  8. Blame all you can on the babe now, because in thirteen years it will all be YOUR fault (and I assure you, it will still be hilarious most of the time!)

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  9. One can do the same thing with a teenager.

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  10. I know I'm behind, but ahhhhh! I'm so excited for you! I'm also excited to see the baby hilarity that ensues on your blog. Congrats!

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  11. Kristin3:39 PM

    OH NO.. Not The Bean!! (unless you've already commited to that name, in which case, ignore this comment) Every pregnant lady I've ever known has called their fetus the bean. And you are a beautiful and unique snowflake so I vote for your sis's name. OR baby Z.

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  12. This is one of my favorite parts about being pregnant...

    ME (while sitting on the couch doing next-to-nothing): No, I can't [insert ridiculously boring task/chore] right now. I'm kind of busy over here. You're not doing anything important. Can't you do it?
    G-MAN (while making dinner): What do you mean you're too busy? You're not doing anything.
    ME: Uh, hello! I'm busy creating life over here!

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  13. Pregnant-tired is one of the most tireds I've ever been. Newborn-tired is the close second.
    Ridiculous really since they sleep 18 hours a day, but the hyper-viligance is exhausting.
    Both tireds are wonderful excuses for why you did nothing about anything.
    Best is to be pregnant and move. I did that two times and the excuses rolled off my tongue like gumballs from the machine.

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  14. Oh Una...I'm 7 months pregnant now, (I'll say right here and now that for some reason, the word "prego" infuriates me, vomit!!) And one of the funnest things is to pretend you can't do things way before you actually can't, i.e.-getting up off the floor, reaching your feet, basically moving at all without assistance, stopping for needed items on the way home from work because you are falling asleep at the wheel, and well, the list goes on and on. So much fun, congrats to you both again!!

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  15. Coincidentally, today's "Awesome Thing" (#271) that came up on the 1000 Awesome Things blog is "When the music player’s shuffle reads your mind."

    Talk about signs!

    http://1000awesomethings.com/2011/04/07/271-when-the-music-players-shuffle-reads-your-mind/

    Also, congrats on the pregnancy! I'm definitely looking forward to reading about your baby-related shenanigans. My girlfriend asked me why I looked so happy when I was reading up on my blogs, and I had to respond that I was really excited for this person I kind of vicariously live through and have never met, and then we both had to pretend that we weren't weirded out or embarrassed by my awkward internet life.

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