Tuesday, March 29, 2011

30 & Pregnant

I wasn't planning on writing this post until my birthday. For some reason I thought it would be fun to make my big reveal on the day I turned 31. But then I thought, fuck that! Why settle for one day of congratulations when I could get two?

Okay, actually, that's not what I thought at all, until just now (because it's true). I did kind of want to wait until the bump looked more like a bump and less like some backed-up Chipotle, but gah! You guys have no idea how hard it was to wait three months to post this.
Babies grow fast, y'all.
Kidding! I'm only 14 weeks, not 48. This is more like it:

Contents: Compressed air, pizza, fetus.
Actual size.
I wanted to tell you about how I found out I was pregnant because at work one Tuesday I received a drugstore.com package I totally forgot I'd ordered containing 6 pregnancy tests and two boxes of Dr. Scholl's plantar wart removal pads (do you think they judged me while packing it? I do...) and even though I was at work I was all, fuck it, I want to get my drink on tonight, so I went to the ladies room and peed on a stick. And then I had to go back to my desk and try to act normal. And then when I got home I told Jeff and he made me take another test even though I was kind of dehydrated, and this one was digital, and when it said "PREGNANT" we took a photo of it because we're saps.

I wanted to tell you about how I managed to completely avoid morning sickness and how I felt all superior until I suddenly developed uncontrollable gas, which Jeff thinks is super sexy, especially when he's putting the moves on me and I say something like, "Baby, I don't know if I'm going to fart or vomit."

I wanted to tell you about how we saw the baby on an 8-week ultrasound and it looked exactly like the Glo Worm doll I had in 1984, except without the nightcap.

I wanted to tell you about how I hold my jeans together with a rubber band, and haven't washed them in 10 weeks for fear they will never fit again. About how my boobs grew a cup size, and how I probably could have skipped getting Jeff an expensive birthday gift because I've never seen him more thrilled.

There is so much ground to cover, I just don't know where to start. So maybe I won't. Maybe I'll save it for the coming weeks and months, which, I'm sorry to say, will likely be full of what UsWeekly likes to call BABY JOY! But don't worry, I'm still me. Just... bigger. Fuller. Definitely gassier. And with an extra heartbeat.
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131 comments :

  1. Congratulations Una and Jeff! I think you'll be amazing parents :-)

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  2. Yay you!! Yay Jeff!! Yay no puking. Congratulations!!!! You look very cute. Gassy or not. And yes, one of the most endearing things my husband said upon discovering I was pregnant with our fourth child, was "Yay! 16 year old boobies are back!" Swept off my feet, I was.

    Enjoy yourself and your now unparalelled and unquestionable freedom to pass gas at will.

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  3. Congratulations! That is awesome. You're not going to become a mommy blogger are you?

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  4. Sqquuueeee!!! Congratulations!!!! So happy an excited for you both!! Can't wait to read about you pre-mommyhood and mommyhood adventures!!!

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  5. CONGRATS!! Such exciting news :) Very happy for you two! And way more interesting than a non-shoe tree shoe tree post.

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  6. OMG!!!! Congrats to you both!

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  7. Allow me to kick off the first of your two special days with a hearty, CONGRATULATIONS!

    Looking forward to your future 'Baby Joy' filled posts.

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  8. So happy for you. Can't wait to hear about your pregnancy and new-motherhood. Gives me hope that perhaps I, too, could become a cool mom someday. (After I finish my Master's, visit all continents and run a marathon, of course. So in like 500 years.)

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  9. So happy for you. Can't wait to hear about your pregnancy and new-motherhood. Gives me hope that perhaps I, too, could become a cool mom someday. (After I finish my Master's, visit all continents and run a marathon, of course. So in like 500 years.)

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  10. Congratulations Una!! I, for one, actually look forward to hearing a little bit of pregnancy/baby blabber with your awesome comedic twist.

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  11. Looks like I'm the first to say Congrats....so Congratulations!!

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  12. Anonymous10:19 PM

    I'm a long time reader and have never commented - but this seems like a great place to start. Many, many congrats to you and Jeff!

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  13. AH! I just literally screamed when I read this! I'm so happy for you! This made my night! Congratulations!

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  14. Congrats!!! All the best to you & Jeff, and I am so excited for you guys!

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  15. Congratulations! So happy for you guys and can't wait to hear every gassy detail!

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  16. Tamela10:23 PM

    Very happy for you and Jeff!

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  17. that is incredibly, incredibly exciting, and i'm so happy for you. :)

    ps. i almost shed a little tear over the 'extra heartbeat' line. almost.

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  18. Yay!! Congrats, so glad there will be a mini curmudgeon running around soon :) All the best to you and Jeff!

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  19. Congratulations!!!!

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  20. oh my God, congratulations!!!! you have no idea who I am because I'm one of those creepy followers who always reads and rarely comments, but I just had to say congrats!!

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  21. Wow! I get to comment first??? Congrats on your big news. I am sure the next nine months of posts will be fantastic, with that second heartbeat and all... The glow worm comment was a nice touch.

    Pregnant Blogger Mania:

    Nat The Fat Rat had her baby 5 months ago...Badass Geek and his wife are ready to have their baby girl any day now...and now you are all busy with it.

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  22. So wonderful!!! Congrats to both of you :)

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  23. Congratulations!

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  24. Congratulations to you and Jeff! So exciting!

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  25. Congratulations! That's wonderful news. I'll warn you now that once the gas starts, it only gets worse as you get bigger. At some point you stop caring and it becomes just a fun way to embarrass your husband. Be sure to have fun with that. :)

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  26. So are you going to temporarily change your blog title to " The Gassy Curmudgeon"?

    And while I'm super happy for both of you, I can't wait until you can drink WITH me at wine bars again, instead of just watching wistfully.
    Xoxoxoxo

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  27. This is amazing!!! And your baby bump is completely adorable...;) Congratulations to you both!!!!

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  28. Congratulations! It's not like I know you or anything, but I think you two will be the best parents. Everybody knows the best parents are the ones with a sense of humor.

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  29. SO. ROCK. ON. AWESOME!!!!!! Congrats Una and Jeff!! <3
    shesnotyouraveragemom.blogspot.com

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  30. After a day dealing with old, sick parents and non-pregnancy gas of my own, I looked at your post and burst into happy tears! We will never know one another, but I do feel as if I know you through your always entertaining no matter what blogs. Huge hugs and congrats to you and your hubby...that tiny heart beat inside of you is one lucky pup!

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  31. Dancing rodents (conga-rats - get it?) to you and Jeff.
    :D

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  32. Congratulations! It is my most profound hope that your children will be as witty and intelligent writers as you are!

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  33. Congrats! And I like Chessa's comment about the Gassy Curmudgeon!

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  34. You look beautiful and glowing already with baby joy!
    Congratulations on your "new project"!!

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  35. Yay! Congrats, lady!

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  36. Kristin11:26 PM

    YAY!!!!!! My sister and I somehow stumbled across your other blog (can I say that here??) and we've been WAITING FOR THIS NEWS!!! Yes, we too feel like we know you. SO SO HAPPY FOR YOU BOTH!!! :D

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  37. Seriously, with the tears of joy for a total stranger?! Must be my time of the month. But...seriously! Yayayayayay!!!!! The deepest of congratulations to you and Jeff!

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  38. Congratulations! This sounds odd...but several weeks ago I thought you might be...don't know why, just had a feeling. It's weird, because I really don't know you, but I've been waiting for this announcement for WEEKS. YAY for you guys. :)

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  39. Congratulations to you and Jeff! That is such wonderful news!!

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  40. Ahhh, congrats! That baby will be absurdly awesome!!!

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  41. Hooray! 10 weeks AND Plantars? Gross...guess that makes up for no morning sickness the first trimester.

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  42. Okay, here's what I've got.

    1. Fuck. Yeah. Congratulations.

    2. Having two hearts inside you ABSOLUTELY makes you Doctor Who. Own it. I will knit you a Sonic Screwdriver. Unless that's too stalkerish.

    3. I hope that your child is as lovely as you are-- which is NOT sarcasm so suck it-- and that he/she/it is extraordinarily funny, but has no sense of timing.

    Tact is for people with shame.

    I'm really happy for you and Jeff.

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  43. Congrats to you and Jeff!! Yea!!! I had a feeling over the last few months and almost wrote you several times to say I had a hunch about this. The clincher was last Friday's post about the sonogram fanny pack. That was a give away! So excited for y'all and so excited for us as we get to hear your unique view on pregnancy! The best advice I was given is to PAMPER yourself when you're pregnant - so enjoy!

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  44. That's a great "discovery of pregnancy" story. I am the mother of a five- month-old and, let me tell you, it's going to turn your life upside down, but in a totally good way. If you're interested, this is how I revealed my pregnancy to the blogging world: http://collology.blogspot.com/2010/04/irony.html

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  45. can't wait for "scenes from a...baby(?)" that sounds inappropriate. but i'm so excited. congratulations!!!!!

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  46. the merriest of congratulations to you and Jeff!

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  47. Barbara12:35 AM

    Yay!!! Am so happy for you and Jeff! You'll both need your sense of humor over the next months...er...years.

    And I totally took a picture of my test, too.

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  48. Congratulations! Here's to adorable (unibrowed?) little Unas!!

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  49. Congratulations Congratulations Congratulations!!!!! That baby has the funniest mama alive and a pretty sexy dad too :D I can't wait to hear more!

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  50. Amazing news Una! I am thrilled for you. Congrats to you and Jeff. You are already the cutest mom-to-be (gas n'all) Bring on the BABY JOY!

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  51. After reading a few months ago, this is such happy news!!!! Congratulations to you and Jeff!

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  52. Congratulations! I look forward to reading all the posts about what pregnancy is actually like, because I know you won't sugar coat it for me!

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  53. OHhhh!! Congratulations, you guys are gonna be awesome parents. Too exciting! Enjoy the ride ;)

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  54. Anonymous4:03 AM

    I'm gonna jump on the "long time reader, first time commenter" horse, to issue my heartfelt CONGRATULATIONS! You've brought a wee tear to my eye.
    x Francesca

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  55. Such great news! Congratulations! I'm excited about all the blog updates and pictures and stories :)

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  56. Great news! I'm so happy for you and Jeff.
    There is no greater thrill than your first child. No matter how great you imagine it's going to be, the reality of how wonderful it really is will blow your imaginings out of the water. It's like some sort of cosmic secret.
    You think Jeff is thrilled now? Wait until delivery day when he'll be wearing the new father stupid/sappy smile. The same one will be on your father's face.
    So very happy for you!

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  57. Aww - great news! Congratulations to you and Jeff. And your belly is super cute :)

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  58. Bah! I knew it! Congratulations! From one new momma to-be who has also experienced the heartache of miscarriage to another... ISN'T THIS GREAT!?! I'm almost 20 weeks and it took all the control in the world not to shout it from the rooftops when I found out. Longest few months ever, but I wanted to be sure. I kind of hate you though because I experienced not only "morning" sickness, but also horrible gas AND the most painful constipation. TMI? Oh well! So excited for you! And just wait until you see THE ultrasound images (you know, when they can tell you what you're having?). You'll pee yourself with excitement (and because they make you drink tons of water, won't let you pee, and then push down on your bladder with their cruel instruments of torture for an hour). Congratulations!

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  59. Congratulations to you and Jeff! Yay!

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  60. CONGRATULATIONS! How exciting. :)

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  61. Congratulations to you, Jeff and little MonChiChi!!!! Like most readers, we have ALL been waiting to hear this wonderful news. Excited to hear all the upcoming escapades of pregnancy and motherhood!

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  62. Congratulations!!!! I am totally feeling all your pain and joy right now. I was 16 weeks yesterday. I'm looking forward to all your posts in the coming months. :) So happy for both you and Jeff.

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  63. awesome! congratulations on your new monchichi. you're not a sap for taking a photo of the stick. when my last one came up 'not pregnant' i took a photo and sent it to awesome husband (we're on the other side of that fence - trying NOT to have kids).

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  64. Congratulations!! So exciting!

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  65. Congratulations!!!!!!

    This is SO exciting!

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  66. Amazing. Vanessa and I love you love you love you. And I'll promise we'll never show up late to a party AGAIN . . .

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  67. I KNEW IT! All that slanket time and all that gas!

    Congratulations to you!

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  68. No better present for you or Jeff. Congratulations! :P

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  69. You're adorable. This is going to be fun . . .

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  70. Congratulations to you both!! Fantastic news for some fantastic people. That kid's going to have no choice but to be freaking awesome!

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  71. Congrats to all 3 of you! You are going to have so much blog fodder from both the pregnancy and the baby.

    But trust me, as both a mother and a blogger, do NOT for the love of all that's holy, read "mom blogs". They can be so superior with their perfect blissful lives, clean kids, amazing cooking and photography skills and craft ideas. You'll feel like a complete and utter failure.

    My blog is all about me with the kids (and hubby) thrown in for colour and comedy. I suggest you do the same LOL!

    Congratulations again!

    Karen

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  72. Congratulations!!!! I'm so excited for you guys!

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  73. Yay!!!
    Congrats.
    It's totally ok to make us all honorary aunts and uncles. [In case you were afraid to ask]

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  74. Congratulations!

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  75. Congratulations! Now you probably expect booties or something, right?

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  76. I've already said it, but I'll make it official: I'm so happy for you and Jeff!

    Your lives are about to change in such a dramatic, wonderful way. Enjoy!

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  77. Jennie10:20 AM

    Congrats!!!

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  78. CONGRATS! I bet you'll be a great momma!
    P.S. I love that your husband thinks farting is sexy. That is a good man.

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  79. Yay! I knew it would happen soon! I'm 6 months along and have just been experiencing all those fun things like bodily gases! Bwahaha, you don't know what you're in for!! (p.s. if you have time, check out my latest blog post about the fun of maternity clothes! Unless you think it will scare you)

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  80. Congratulations Una and Jeff! I'm thrilled for you guys.

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  81. congrats!!!! wow you're a third of the way there already! This is so exciting, I'm so happy for you :)

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  82. CONGRATULATIONS! I had my suspicions! How great and wonderful! And how did you not have morning sickness? Lucky bitch. I'm 15 weeks pregnant and I'm still experiencing it! So happy for you!

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  83. WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!

    Cheers to all three of you!!!

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  84. Oooooh! Yippee! Congratulations Una!

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  85. YAAAAAAAY! I've been waiting for the news.

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  86. I remembered how it felt to get that pregnant line after my miscarriage...so many happy thoughts and congratulations to you and Jeff. :D

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  87. Heartfelt congrats, from one uber-cool mom to a pending uber-cool mom.

    And sincere wishes that you avoid the hell that is pregnancy heartburn.

    Much joy to come....

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  88. There one was a Lassie named Una, who ate her Poptarts with Tuna, with Jeff she did mate, She said "Man! That was Great!" And a Baby comes 9 months or soona. Limmicks..the cornerstone of Civilization. Congrats you Two!!

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  89. I had tears in my eyes while reading this (and I'm not pregnant, so no hormone excuses here). Congrats!!!!

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  90. YAY! You both are going to be awesome parents!

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  91. Stacy Westly11:50 AM

    As always, you made me laugh ... but now I'm smiling with happiness for you! Congratulations, Una and Jeff! This kid is going to have the coolest, most kiss-ass parents EVER! XOXOX

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  92. Yay, Baby Curmudgeon! Awaiting second generation "Fuck" picture for background. Congrats!

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  93. Ah, the cycle of life. In 1984 we gave our eldest, now a master mixologist in Chinatown, a Glow Worm to keep him company at night. Great joy to you both.

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  94. YES!!!! This is fabulous. Congratulations!!

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  95. Congratulations!!! =)))

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  96. psychsarah12:19 PM

    Congrats! I'm about 26 weeks along myself, and I can't wait to hear your humourous take on all bizarro pregnancy related stuff. There's just so much fodder. Hope you're feeling well and enjoying your pregnancy.

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  97. Claudia1:05 PM

    This is brilliant! You're gonna make a badass Momma and I couldn't be happier for you both! <3

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  98. Dalia D1:07 PM

    I have the biggest smile on my face in Criminal Law class. Not appropriate at all but I'm so excited for you! I'm the oldest of 9 children, so last minute babysitting services are offered (in the least stalkerish way possible) lol.
    Congratulations!! And embrace those farts, cankles and stretch marks.

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  99. Congrats and welcome to the club. This is about to become the Even More Greatest Blog Ever :)

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  100. Congrats! I love that you know what a monchichi is (actual size of fetus).

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  101. HAHAHAHAHA!
    THAT was THE most original baby announcement EVER!

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  102. Congratulations to you, Jeff, and the new heartbeat!

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  103. forget the rubber bands - bella bands work much better for extending the life of your pre-preggy clothes. they're also great for tucking in the post-baby pouch AND as a tummy cover for nursing.

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  104. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! Whoohoo! Ohhh I'm so happy for you and Jeff, Una! That is so cool! I can't wait to see your take on all of the new experiences coming your way! :-D

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  105. Chrisy in Chicago3:17 PM

    YAY a million times!!!

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  106. CONGRATULATIONS!!! I'm excited for you!

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  107. Congratulations! A sassy baby. Hoo-ray!

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  108. Congratulations!! That is such fantastic news :)

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  109. CONGRATULATIONS UNA!! :-D

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  110. Yay! So excited for you! :)

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  111. This is going to be the funnest pregnancy I've ever watched unfold. Mazeltov!

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  112. Congratulations!! Cheers to a happy and healthy pregnancy!

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  113. Congratulations Una, I'm delighted for you. Maybe because I am 31 and 17 weeks pregnant, I've had a weird feeling that you were too and even checked your old blog a couple of times when something you wrote made me think it! YaY Babies!

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  114. Ellen9:46 PM

    Congratulations, Una!!!!!!! Baby Curmudgeon is going to have such fun with you two! I'm sure I'm not alone in saying I can't wait for all the joy and hilarity to follow!

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  115. OMG Congratulations!! And yes, the packing people totally judged you. :)

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  116. :) Congratulations to you and Jeff!

    I'm greatly looking forward to the posts that will follow!

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  117. OMG Bebeh!

    I'm super happy for you guys :)

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  118. Congratulations, I just came here from aiming Low because of your photo there. :)

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  119. I am so so so happy for you guys! you both will be outstanding parents! i'm a little teary now. maybe i'm pregnant, too? no. i'm just hungover.
    congrats!!!

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  120. Stated4all10:40 PM

    Hallaloo! Or whatever it is Shangela says. Congrats! Congrats! Congrats!

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  121. Stated4all10:41 PM

    OMG! My comment verfication word was:
    bodishas

    How bodacious is that?!

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  122. awww maaaaan i'm so excited for you! CONGRATS! yaaay!

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  123. Have only just caught up due to the many essays that I really need to complete but just wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS!!!

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  124. haven't read your blog in months; congratulations! i just caught up on your "uterus update" posts. so happy for you and jeff!

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