Friday, February 11, 2011

TGI...WTF? Apantylypse Now, Part Deux

So it has come to this.

After hooded thongs, after Subtle Butt, it has come to this:


This, friends, is the C-String (thank you to Sara for the email tip). Is it a headband, you ask naively? One of those artsy paperweights they sell at the MoMA store? Jeff Koons' interpretation of a lacrosse stick?

No, children. It is underpants (site NSFW).

This, to me, begs the question: wherefore art thou, butt floss? I mean, really, what is the point of the thong in this situation? Let's just slap on a merkin and a tampon and be done with it, am I right, ladies? The C-String claims to free women of "uncomfortable straps," but really, is that a fair trade-off for wearing what looks like nothing more than a candy-colored sanitary napkin and a Twizzler clenched between your cheeks?

On the plus side, of course, no tan lines. Make sure to tell that to your arresting officer should you decide to unveil the C-String at a public beach.
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22 comments :

  1. how does it stay on??

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  2. Through sheer force of ass, I imagine.

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  3. Hmm - what was that website again? I want to order one of those for my Mum. Do they do them in a size 28 - do you know?

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  4. The website recommends wearing them as swimwear.

    WHERE? WHY? HOW?

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  5. if my roommate walks in on me 'experimenting' with an over-sized headband please know that you will be blamed...thus begins the Least Sexy Porno Ever Made! Wiiiiin.

    End Note: um my word verification for this comment? Totally 'Rifins' which alternatively would make for a great name for said monsrosity.

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  6. Some designers seem to hate womem. The devices of torture they come up with. I hope they NEVER come out with a male version. !

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  7. I saw this a few years ago, and I can't believe they haven't gone out of business yet. First of all, they only fit women up to 140 pounds. Second, nobody on the "testimonials" page can give it a great recommendation. Thirdly...well...LOOK at it! There is no way that thing is comfortable. Blech.

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  8. OMG. Because seriously, I just got used to the hell that is the thong. And now that's not good enough? WHAT DO PEOPLE WANT FROM ME AND MY ASS?

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  9. And, can I just say, the idea of my kids seeing a woman at the beach wearing something like this makes me want to vomit. Thumbs down.

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  10. Ummm.... pad. That's the only thing that comes to mind when I see this. Fail.

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  11. Um, so what do you do when you have to go to the bathroom? You'd have to completely remove it and risk dropping it in the toilet! Why even wear underwear at all!?

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  12. 'What?' and 'Oh my'

    These were the most popular phrases from the people I've shown this to. I'm confused on so many levels. How does this stay on (in? I mean really what is the right word here?)? Who was so encumbered by the straps on thong or regular underwear that they thought "wait! Let's just be rid of them!"?

    Big fail.

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  13. Yeah I hate those stupid pieces of fabric that hold my underwear up. I'd much rather keep things firmed up and tight by being in a constant heightened state of awareness regarding the position of my underwear and my ass cheeks' ability to hold it in place.

    I'm in. Who's with me?

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  14. Possibly the most disturbing thing I have ever seen in my life.

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  15. Oh My-Lanta! I've seen it all now...

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  16. I'll be buying a box of these for every woman on the beach! LOL

    Seriously though, I don't see how that would stay on you women if you went into the water at the beach.

    At least the woman modeling them is hot.

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  17. Interesting...I had to google it. Too funny.

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  18. If the thing stays up, and it comes in diamante, it would be awesome for my stage shows.

    Anyone read any lapdancer testimonials yet?

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  19. Totally thought it was a headband. Does that mean I could use a headband on days when my C-string is in the wash?

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  20. Talk about ass crack awarenes.

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  21. lizza9:27 PM

    What will they think of next?!

    http://www.bareease.com/bikini-wax-numbing-cream-products

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  22. That's it. I'm done. I've spent years trying to get my poor backside used to the nightmare that is the thong, and now they want me to start sporting the arse equivalent to the headgear fondly known as "the fascinator". I'm back into big-girl pants and I don't care who knows it.

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