Sunday, February 6, 2011

Super Ball Sunday

Jeff and I weren't invited to any Super Bowl (I just typed "Super Bowel," btw--ha!--which is what I'm sure many Americans are enjoying today after a few too many beers and nachos supreme) parties this year--I wonder why.

Instead we were forced to go outside and spend time in the fresh air. I guess all that oxygen got to my brain, because I suddenly had the Best. Idea. Ever.

What if the Super Bowl was played with Super Balls?

The entire game would stay the same--same giant guys in full protective gear, same number of players, same size field...except for the tiniest ball in sports--even tinier than A-Rods'!

Hear me out: They are super fast. They bounce really high. They have that delicious, slick rubbery smell that always compelled me to try to chew on them as a child. (What? Like you didn't.) They even make ones that light up inside--perfect for night games!

Sure, there would be some visibility issues, but that's what HD-TV is for. And really, the Princess and the Pea-like pileups would be well worth any trouble following which team had possession. Not to mention the field goal attempts.

And here's the kicker: The Super Bowl was named after the Super Ball. It's kismet. C'mon, NFL. Time to put your tiny balls where your mouth is.

OK, that came out wrong, but you know what I mean.

Make me proud.


  1. Totally genius. And let me add this detail: superballs bounce slightly less enthusiastically each time. So the game would start out AMAZING and slowly become ho hum.

    It would have a narrative arc!

  2. Hahahaha! That would be awesome! My nephew inherited my collection of super balls. I had an entire basket full of them. 50-cents apiece in the machines at Wal-mart...can't beat that.

  3. I once threw a super ball at the ground as hard as I could and it bounced straight back up into my eye.

    I've hated them ever since.

  4. The only reason my husband wanted to go to one was to eat deviled eggs. Legit. I tried to tell him we could make those at home but he wasn't having it.

  5. Hahaha! Unfortunately... yes, I can recall a time or two that I tried chewing on a super ball.

  6. I admit to taking a bite or two but not like Sally P. who gnawed on them...but she also gnawed on crayons. When accused of this she denied it, but had all the primary colors stuck in between her teeth as proof...anyway...Super Bowel Bowl, er, Super Ball Bowl...great idea Uma!

  7. I frigging wrote Uma instead of Una...soooooo sorry!

  8. That would be preferable to what was actually happening on the TV. I even tried watching it for five minutes, since I am from Wisconsin and I am proud of this fact even though stupid people wear foam cheese wedges on their heads. I was SO confused. Both teams were wearing very similar outfits. Seriously, they were both wearing LOTS of yellow. Didn't anyone think this could be problematic?

  9. Anonymous5:17 AM

    Why American men should boycott American women

    I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

    American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

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  10. And just think of the possibilities for the cheerleaders! Their coefficient of restitution, or bounciness, would HAVE to at least match the super ball.
    Ya know, I'm just thinking, but super ball material would probably make superior implants.


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