Over the weekend, Jeff and I went to a discount home store in our neighborhood. We had never been to this store before because A) it is kind of far, and B) it is called "D II," which makes no sense to me unless it is followed by a colon and the words "The Mighty Ducks."
It was kind of amazing.
It was one of those stores that sells everything that doesn't cost more than 50 cents to produce. So you can buy synthetic house slippers or, you know, a crate of ramen noodles. Or both, if you're planning a really crazy night.
The best section was the foodstuffs, because there was absolutely nothing you might find in a normal supermarket. About half of the products were bizarre cookies that seemed to have been imported from Turkey, and the other half were just... slightly off. Like these Tootsie Rolls:
Since when are Tootsies patriotic? And in February? (If anything, they should be brown now. I mean, it's Black History month!) Methinks someone had his Tootsies confused...
Then there were these:
No, that's not the Milton Bradley game of your youth. That was Operation, and it scared the bejeesus out of me, because the last thing anyone needs during delicate knee surgery with tweezers is an electric shock. (No wonder I never became a doctor.) No, these are Operation fruit snacks. Because who doesn't want to eat organs that have just been lifted out of a pudgy, naked body on a gurney? It's almost as appetizing as Cooter Pie! (Actually, in fairness, they are not shaped like organs, but like birds, bells, dogs, and smiley faces. I really don't want to know what kind of Richard Gere stuff this guy was into.)
In the end we didn't buy any food, only velvet hangers so that my closet can be more like Elvis in his later years. I did linger over some Precious Moments shampoo, but only because one of the figurines had been beheaded:
For $1.99, you can't buy a more precious moment.