Thursday, February 10, 2011

D2: Not The Mighty Ducks

Over the weekend, Jeff and I went to a discount home store in our neighborhood. We had never been to this store before because A) it is kind of far, and B) it is called "D II," which makes no sense to me unless it is followed by a colon and the words "The Mighty Ducks."

But.

It was kind of amazing.

It was one of those stores that sells everything that doesn't cost more than 50 cents to produce. So you can buy synthetic house slippers or, you know, a crate of ramen noodles. Or both, if you're planning a really crazy night.

The best section was the foodstuffs, because there was absolutely nothing you might find in a normal supermarket. About half of the products were bizarre cookies that seemed to have been imported from Turkey, and the other half were just... slightly off. Like these Tootsie Rolls:


Since when are Tootsies patriotic? And in February? (If anything, they should be brown now. I mean, it's Black History month!) Methinks someone had his Tootsies confused...


Then there were these:


No, that's not the Milton Bradley game of your youth. That was Operation, and it scared the bejeesus out of me, because the last thing anyone needs during delicate knee surgery with tweezers is an electric shock. (No wonder I never became a doctor.) No, these are Operation fruit snacks. Because who doesn't want to eat organs that have just been lifted out of a pudgy, naked body on a gurney?  It's almost as appetizing as Cooter Pie! (Actually, in fairness, they are not shaped like organs, but like birds, bells, dogs, and smiley faces. I really don't want to know what kind of Richard Gere stuff this guy was into.)

In the end we didn't buy any food, only velvet hangers so that my closet can be more like Elvis in his later years. I did linger over some Precious Moments shampoo, but only because one of the figurines had been beheaded:


For $1.99, you can't buy a more precious moment.
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9 comments :

  1. Man, I have to pay more attention when I'm in the dollar store! I'm only ever looking for the cheap gift bags and wrapping paper.

    Thanks for the morning laugh!

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  2. haha okay those fruit snacks might be the weirdest thing ever. Why would Kellog's choose to make them Operation themed if the shapes don't have anything to do with the game?

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  3. Tootsie Roll ... MIDGEES?

    That's offensive. They prefer Little Candies.

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  4. Last time I was at the dollar store I bought 3 miniature cows in various colors... I have no willpower to resist. Or reason to buy 3 midgee cows.

    On another note, I love the blog. Found it a few months back and your writing is great! Definitely brings a laugh to my morning.

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  5. Operation has me confused. I get Dogs for feet and could understand had they included the butterflies in the stomach. Ring my bell? Probably best they didn't have a little kitty either.

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  6. Precious Moments shampoo? Who wants a fucking scary ass doll staring at them naked in the shower?!

    Not this girl.

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  7. I freaking love stores like this. I go into them all the time and my husband hates them because he thinks they're sad--like all these cheap reject products, but to me they're just treasure troves of awesome.

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  8. Gummy organs that have just been lifted out of a pudgy, naked body on a gurney? Yes Please!

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  9. The operation fruit snacks...I had those in my house once. My mother goes to places like DII and Ocean State Job Lot and Christmas Tree Shops and buys me discounted, expired foodstuffs. I doled them out in "emergency" camp lunches for kids unfortunate enough to forget their lunches. Here's why they're all weird things. Operation redid their game (and made an awful new one on a brain surgery theme, with things like "brain freeze" (ice cream) "cat got your tongue" and "egg head". the toilet is "bad plumbing" and you can also get "phone finger" and "toxic gas". I guess "bread basket" was too obscure.

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