Friday, January 28, 2011

TGI...WTF? When The Cat's Away...

Reader Royann sent me a link to something called Palm Meow, which is--wait for it--a cat retirement home in Southern Florida.

Let your cat live in the lap of luxury (and/or old office supply boxes)!
Admittedly, I am not really a cat person (although I did once write a stoned note to my mom from her dead cat Fifi, and I'm fairly fond of her current Super-Sized, eleven-toed feline Dinah, even though a cab ran over my foot when I was bringing her home), but still this strikes me as kind of ridiculous.

I mean, dogs are dependent and usually fairly dumb; they run on human affection. But cats? Cats are survivors. If you were to die, that would be the best day of your cat's life. Retirement home? Fuck it, they'd take over your house, redecorating as they saw fit, marking their inherited territory, finally realizing a life-long dream and using your frightening Roomba as a litter box.

(Before she died, Fifi used to habitually sit, hidden, on the second step of a steep staircase leading down to my mom's foyer. Mom said she was just "resting," but I know she was trying to trip and kill us all.)


  1. This home is so your cat won't eat you when you die.

  2. the "home" is consolation for the owner, not the cat :)

  3. Grammy always told us that folks who claim to not be "a cat person" have control issues.
    A dog is nothing but an ill mannered child. A cat is our equal (or beyond). Having said that, I don't disagre with you...

  4. My cat is also named Dinah, but she's a bit of a spaz. Her formerly 20 pound brother (who has lost almost 7 pounds thanks to what we call the "Catkins Diet") sounds like he's more your speed.

    I think both of them consider tripping and killing us on a regular basis...but we still like 'em.

  5. You have cats figured out perfectly. I don't have a cat now, but when I did I know she sat on the couch with the remote, eating snacks and planning evil whenever I was not at home and hoping for the day I might die.

  6. I have bestoweth unto thee an award. Check it out.

  7. I need you to know that I was reading this while my husband was watching tv and I was laughing too loudly. So he told me that he needed me to leave the room while he was watching his shows.

  8. My old cat always jumped in front of you going down the stairs. They seriously want to kill you. Although, when I was little I used to throw her down the stairs when she would refuse to get out of my Barbie house.

  9. The steel drum music at the Palm Meow site completes it.
    I loved your older posts about the week you brought Dinah home and Fifi's attempts from beyond the grave.
    Pray tell, what became of Callie the shitter?
    She sounds like the perfect candidate for the home.

  10. Anonymous12:28 PM

    Cats and Stairs. Evil combo.

    My ginormous kitty, Ace, was a cat relegated to outdoors only. We had stairs going up to the door and he would sit on the bottom stair, ears back and thump his tail really hard on the ground. This was a warning that if I attempted the stairs, he would full on attack my leg in protest of me going inside. I'd like to note that he was fully clawed.

    Right there is a true cat-like display of "affection".

  11. Maybe the person who invented Palm Meow had a bad experience with inheriting animals. Like, his Aunt Nancy's will had left him all 12 of her four legged, clawed, 'babies.'
    This way no one will get stuck with Grandma's bad tempered, super pampered, kitty. XD!


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