Friday, January 14, 2011

TGI...WTF? Hoop Dreams

Well, I'm kicking myself now, because "Hoop! (There It Is)" is actually a way better title than "Troop! (There It Is)", which I used yesterday. To paraphrase Kenny Fisher from Can't Hardly Wait, why I gotta waste my own flava? Damn!

I also desperately wanted to make a clever Tomei pun, but, sadly, "Tomei-to, Tomato" makes no sense.

It especially makes no sense to you since I haven't told you what I'm talking about yet.

Well, it's this:

(Oh, yeah--she blends.)

The Maris Tomei Hoop Body system? Whaaaaaaaaaat? As my dear friend Beth, who sent me the link, commented, "Did we know about this???"

Um, no.

This is so random. I mean, you see Suzanne Somers, you think, Thighmaster! You see Carmen Electra you think, Baywatch! And then you think, Oh, yeah, also she made those softcore striptease workouts that made me dress up like an asshole for two weeks in 2004:

Or, at least, that's what I think.

But Oscar winner Marisa Tomei hawking weighted hula hoops that look like they were haphazardly constructed from police tape and old insulation pipes? This opens a Pandora's Box of celebrity fitness endorsement possibilities. A few I'd like to see:
  • Paris Hilton's TRAMP-oline Training
  • Shaquille O'Neal's Shake-Weight and Shot-Put Showdown
  • Jack Nicholson's Partially-Deflated Ball-fest
  • Marky Mark's Good Vibrations™ Vibrating Belt Blast
  • Jim Jarmusch's Jogging in Jeggings
Actually, that last one would be amazing. Please, universe?
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15 comments :

  1. Considering that I subscribe to SHAPE magazine, this isn't so strange to me. She did a whole interview a few months ago where she talked about how much she loves hula hooping and how it's her main method of exercise. The article had a bunch of pictures of her hoopin' it up, so now when I see Marisa Tomei, I actually DO think "hula hoop".

    It's a strange world we live in.

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  2. Awesome.
    What about a "Miley Cyrus Work the Pole like a Minor Should Not" workout?

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  3. She must be trying to capitalize on all that shakin' of her naked lady parts she did in that movie The Wrestler.

    And in truth, to be her age and look as good as she did in that movie - I can see how someone may approach her with some goofy workout product in hopes of getting her endorsement. Unfortunately she must have short on money!

    SD
    simpledudecomplexworld.blogspot.com

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  4. I didn't even know I needed a Marky Mark's Good Vibrations Vibrating Belt blast until right this second but now it seems SO obvious.

    Yes Please!!

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  5. My favorite is Jack Nicholson's Partially-Deflated Ball-Fest. So wonderful and so frightening. Thrilling, really.

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  6. Coming soon:

    Mira Sorvino's Skip-It to Success (jump rope and Skip-It included)

    Jodie Foster's Ball-and-Paddle Biceps and Triceps (Ball and Paddle NOT included)

    Geena Davis Archery Arms (for use with the Bowflex)

    Sally Field's Skateboard Six-Pack (includes Balance Board)

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  7. Anonymous10:08 AM

    If I had ever successfully hula-hooped in my life (and I had like 9 hoops when I was little), I'd be ALL OVER THIS. Do you think she uses the My Cousin Vinny accent? I hope so. And, I'm not anonymous. I just can't figure out how to post. xoxoxo Beth

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  8. I'd buy a Marky Mark vibrating whatchamawhateverthatwas.

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  9. OH Sassy! You have to go check out some hooping videos on YouTube. It's beautiful and freeing and amazing...and I can't do it at all! But, I desperately want to, because it will blow your mind. Check out a chick named Spiral...it's like having a natural acid trip. Besides, if a 47 year old Marisa Tomei tells me to hoop...and she has the body she had in The Wrestler...I think I'll listen. Incredible.

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  10. I mean, she had to follow her gritty, raw performance in The Wrestler with SOMETHING.

    Hoola hoops make sense. In some way.

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  11. oh, Can't Hardly Wait, one of my favs!
    Apparently this hoop business came about when she did that Micky Rourke movie where she plays a stripper. While 'researching' her role, she took up pole dancing and got into shape by hoola hooping....so the next logical step is to plaster your face on a hula hoop...right?

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  12. Thank you for educating my current events defunct brain. I did not know hooping was in.

    I know this is going to make you feel all warm and fuzzy and all, but I seriously admire how clever you are. If I think of anything clever, I go over and over it in my head for 2 weeks because it's such a rare event.

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  13. I would totally buy "Jim Jarmusch's Jogging in Jeggings". Someone get on that right now!

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  14. Passionofthemom told me that your blog and my blog (Just the Cheese) are tied for her favorite so I came to check you out. I might have been here already like a year ago but can't remember all the blogs I visit. I might already be a follower and not know it.

    Love you new work out ideas. Clever with the TRAMP-oline.

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  15. I'm a hoop dancer, and it does actually exist. I don't own the Marisa Tomei kit, but I assure you hooping is a fantastic workout. Marisa is just trying to capitalize on a new trend. Remember when yoga was just a weird fad?

    I love your photo by the way :)

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