Monday, January 10, 2011

Scenes From a Marriage: A Mighty Wind

Disclaimer: This is about sex. Sort of. Hide your kids, hide your wife, hide yourself if you are one of my co-workers or underage relatives.

So, a few weeks ago Jeff and I were snuggling under the covers, as we are wont to do, when one of us readjusted the sheets and I got a face full of what I have dubbed "sex wind."

Stop reading now if you are the type to wear full pajamas and snug cotton underwear to bed. Drink some warm milk and forget you ever found this blog. Those of you who sleep in the nude, or retire wearing skivvies that look like they belong in the Tenement Museum will know what I'm talking about.

Basically, the sex wind is the air that's been trapped beneath the sheets--co-mingling with your genitalia--until you shift position and release it like a tiny gas bomb into your, or your partner's, face. Its potency depends on a few factors:


I'm already humiliated enough, so I won't go on. Suffice to say that if you could bottle it, you would probably have no friends.

Happy Monday!

P.S. Look what I made Jeff for Christmas:


It's pretty awesome, if I do say so myself.
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18 comments :

  1. The sex wind isn't too bad. My lady friend tries her best to refrain from shuffling the sheets at all though, mainly because she's afraid of some other types of wind freeing themselves of the cover-trap.

    SD
    simpledudecomplexworld.blogspot.com

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  2. I just gagged and threw up a little in my mouth. Twice.

    Does the Scenes from a Marriage book include a chapter on the Sex Wind? Is it in the same family as the Dutch Oven?

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  3. Being married to a man who showers twice a week (if I'm lucky), I am uncomfortably familiar with this phenomenon. However, I do not associate it with sex as much as I associate it with his need to freshen up.

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  4. Cracking up at TB's comment.

    Sex wind, ugh. I know precisely what you're talking about. LOVE the gift you made Jeff.

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  5. And my captcha for this comment was "ssess". Ha! Kinda sounds like sex, no?

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  6. Keeks198310:33 AM

    Sometimes, the sex wind can be used to your advantage...think about the potential for threats...Oh yes, you will get those dishes cleaned and that garbage taken out!

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  7. It's been so long, I'm not even sure I remember the scent.

    And that's sad.

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  8. Probably could bottle up this sex wind and use it as mace.

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  9. Thank God I have a lousy sense of smell! I'll gladly take my inability to smell brownies baking as long as it means I'm not smelling you-know-what.

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  10. Flag on the play!
    15 yard penalty.

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  11. All I know is that the sex wind gets the dog all excited; she's beside herself when she gets a whiff. Damn pheromones.

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  12. Anonymous4:59 PM

    Slow clap!

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  13. You know what I have trouble with? The just woke up bad breath good morning kiss. Is that really something necessary? Why are some women insistent on kissing me in the morning? Is it some sort of test?

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  14. This could have easily gone from "sex wind" to "dutch oven" in a matter of seconds...

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  15. THIS would be why I insist on having my own comforter instead of sharing one!

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  16. LMAO! I admire your courage.

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  17. To me, that smell just tells me that balls or sweaty vag are nearby...

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  18. I smell sex and....candy?
    Wrong.

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