It snowed some. You may have heard. We got two feet in Brooklyn. Cars were buried. Toddlers were probably lost. It got so bad that someone abandoned a Dodge Caravan pointing the wrong way on our one-way street, with a note expressing the car's dwindling will to live (kidding, it just said that the owners were coming back and listed their cell phone numbers.) Walking to the grocery store felt like The Day After Tomorrow. I fell down a few times, surprising no one.
I also contracted consumption, probably from accidentally ingesting a piece of dessicated fruitcake that I thought was some sort of delightful sprinkled cookie. I have been coughing up my insides for days, only instead of wasting away my pants have stopped buttoning. It must be the five-pounds-of-chocolate chaser I've been taking with my soup.
Jeff and I agree that if I were the eighth dwarf, I would be Phlegmy. Or I could start a band and call it Phlegmy and the Jets, and all we would play would be lame Elton John covers, and maybe Freebird, if requested.
So, yeah, this post is just to make sure you know you're not missing anything. Please resume your regularly scheduled drinking.
The title alone made me laugh real hard. YOU ARE SO GOOD AT THIS SHIT.
ReplyDeleteI would like to thank you for giving me an earworm two days running now with the titles of your posts. My sister just gave me the weirdest look for muttering ph-ph-ph-phlegmy and the jets as I cleaned the living room.
ReplyDeleteDoes Napolean Dynamite know you have his boots?
ReplyDeleteOnly you would stand in that frigid wind and pose for THAT picture for the sake of your blog. What a trooper! Yet, I got brain-freeze in Cleveland last week and took pictures of a completely frozen lighthouse. Curiously I envisioned it as dipped in white chocolate!
ReplyDeleteHEY kind sir, those are some sweet fuckin' boots!
ReplyDeletePhlegmy and the Jets are great, I like that song they do, I think it's called Crocodile Snot.
ReplyDeleteYou will positively ruin your lobster clawed Elmo gloves if you keep wearing them in the snow. No one thought to get you gloves for Christmas?
ReplyDeleteI would love to call my sweet but asthmatic husband Phlegmy, but he would probably cry. So thank you for letting me do it here. I feel much better now.
ReplyDelete