Wednesday, December 8, 2010

My Breakfast With KevBac (Like My Dinner With Andre But With Better Hair)

About a year ago, as I teased on Twitter and Facebook, for those of you who follow me there, I got to have breakfast with Kevin Bacon.

(No, I did not order bacon. I’m sure he gets that all the time. God, people, BE COOL.)

Anyway, I’ve written before about how much I hate doing celebrity interviews--how awkward and perfunctory and disappointingly unsexual they are--but this was different. I wasn’t just chattering nervously into a phone in my cubicle. I was sitting across from Kevin Bacon.

Wait, let me back up.

First, I was walking to a restaurant at which I had a reservation for a party of two, with Kevin Bacon. I tried to sound all cool on the phone, like I didn’t care, like KevBac and me go way back, like back to high school, where we may or may not have lived together in a small town where this total dickhead reverend who looked a lot like the Trinity Killer from Dexter banned dancing and rock music.

Then I stood outside said restaurant nervously fixing my hair. A family walked by and stopped, perusing the menu before deciding to move on. “WAIT!” I wanted to scream after them. “Kevin Bacon is about to arrive. You are totally passing up the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to eat eggs next to Hollow Man!” But I didn’t. Instead I went inside and told the hostess that I was meeting someone. “It’s Kevin Bacon,” I added before I could stop myself.

I was hoping that she would look me up and down with narrowed eyes, wondering how Kevin could do Kyra so wrong, and with such a delectable, nubile young thing, but instead she smiled and showed me to my seat, like I wasn’t potentially meeting him for an illicit pancake rendez-vous. Maybe my tape recorder gave me away.

Then I sat down at a table facing the door and put on my glasses, because I had to make sure I’d be able to recognize KevBac when he came in, since, I assume, his only directive in finding me was “the girl who spits up on herself as soon as you walk in,” or “the girl with the crazy eyes who has already consumed the entire bread basket.” I made eyes at the couple at the next table. The eyes were saying, “Wait ‘till you see who you’re about to be sitting next to!” but I think the lady half of the couple misinterpreted the eyes, because she gave me a dirty look and asked for the check.

Finally, as I was lifting an oversize latte to my lips, he walked in. I waved. He sat down across from me. I tried to be cool.

I was not cool.

I stammered and spoke in my unintentional excited helium voice and asked him what was good on the menu, and when he recommended a messy Mexican egg dish that involved beans and cheese I did not have the good sense to say no. So while asking him about his childhood and his music and his acting I was also shoveling steaming spoonfuls of egg white and bean goo and melted Moneterey Jack into my maw. It probably got in my hair; everything does.

But KevBac was very nice, if a bit reserved, and as we talked he warmed up and even laughed occasionally, and by the end he was asking me where I went to college and when the check came he paid for my breakfast.

Then he walked off into the crisp fall morning in his skinny jeans and knit skull cap and I never saw him again.

Oh, well. At least we’ll always have Columbus Avenue. And beans.

Read the article--which was finally published, over a year after our meeting--here.
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18 comments :

  1. Eggy hair is very cool in certain societies - I'm sure he would have found that strangely erotic. Maybe not.

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  2. btw - just read the article - fine work - well done

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  3. I really like and respect Kevin Bacon and I enjoyed the article as I enjoyed the one about Tim Gunn. Have you ever done stand-up comedy? You are sooooo funny. Your material is already done in this blog!

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  4. Kevin Bacon went to the same middle school as my little sister. Not at the same time, but they're both alums. That's my degree of separation from KevBac :)

    It's awesome that you had breakfast with him! Too bad about the messy eggs.

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  5. Well done article, it's a nice, intimate retrospective.

    In college I got to interview Will Smith (along with four or five other people) for his movie Seven Pounds. We were at this really fancy hotel and they brought in some really delicious looking cookies, but I felt way too awkward about eating a cookie in front of Will Smith. Too bad I decided to go to law school, I don't think there are any more celebrity interviews in my future. Unless they kill someone and hire me.

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  6. I realy dig that new commercial with Kevin Bacon, I think it's for Logitech or something or other.

    TREMORS RULES!

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  7. Well-written!! I love Mr. Bacon. He just seems like a decent dude, and I'm glad he's having a comeback.

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  8. Awesome! I'm kinda jealous. No, a lot jealous.
    My nearest celebrity moments involve saying hello to Tom Arnold (yes, of Roseanne fame) and stalking Mike Wolfe from American Pickers in the parking lot of my workplace.
    Was the egg dish good, btw?

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  9. I got to see the Bacon Brothers perform live on the Today Show in New York on a middle school trip in 2001. Looking back, a group of 13 year olds shouting "Shake yo' bacon bits" was probably inappropriate. But he turned around and waved, which totally made our day. He was the first celebrity I'd ever seen in real life and the only one for another 7 or 8 years. Good times. He seems like such a nice guy, I'm so jealous!

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  10. Cool story. Fantastic article! Nice job. [I'd love to insert another two-word sentence, but I got nuthin'...]

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  11. I am so incredibly jealous, you have a new aura for me -

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  12. I can't believe you ordered the beans.

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  13. HA! That is awesome- I probably would've spilled my drink and/or breakfast all over his lap. Think positively!

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  14. Ooh, I got a little giddy reading this. Nice article, you totally managed to stay cool.

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  15. Love the KevBac man. That Kyra, she lucked out. And so did you! Eggs with Kev! You rock. I'll go check out the actual article now.

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  16. That was a great blog post, and a great article. The blog post made me nervous, and the article made me excited for him. It's nice that he's working so much now--sounds like he's kind of found his place in the acting world. He's kind of an icon now, and seeing him in cameo performances will be fun and surprising. I'm looking forward to it!

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  17. When I was in second grade, we did a class project where we had to write a letter to a famous person and ask for their autograph.

    Kids wrote to Neil Armstrong, Robin Williams, Jim Carey (this was right when Jumanji and Ace Ventura came out), and other famous people. At seven years old, I decided to write to Kevin Bacon. I still don't really know why.

    I've had his signed picture hanging on my bedroom wall for years.

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  18. What a fantastic article! What a funny story too... I'd probably have eyes and been goo all up in my hair too! :)

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