Friday, November 12, 2010

TGI...WTF? Oedipus Cake Wrecks

A reader sent me a link to a stupid Marie Claire article--is there any other kind?--and while I won't link to it in protest I will mock it in sweatpants.

The gist is that there is some new trend in babymaking rituals that involves learning the sex of your baby via baked goods. (Yes, for real.)

 Congratulations--it's a Smurf!
(image via A Tender Crumb)

Here's how it goes down:

1. You make your doctor write the baby's gender on a scrap of paper (I'm guessing s/he may substitute the Prince symbol if the ultrasound is inconclusive) and then seal it in an envelope.

2. You hand the envelope to a baker, who probably thinks you are trying to involve him/her in a human trafficking ring, since customers usually request buttercream or fondant instead of "GIRL."

3. You pick up the pink or blue cake, which is covered with white icing so as to hide the delicious gonad-determining food coloring within.

4. You try to look happy as you learn, in front of a gathering of your family and friends, whether you'll be spending the rest of your life fearing passing on body image issues or male pattern baldness.

5. You eat your baby's junk. Metaphorically.

I don't know about this. It's harmless enough, but it's a slippery slope. I mean, how long until women are slipping notes to their caterers and lifting silver lids to reveal platters of pigs in blankets (boy) or clams (girl)?

How long before women start throwing pregnancy test parties, illustrated with hidden layers of jam?

Those parties would have a 50% chance of being really depressing.

How long before multiple births get announced with the aid of Puppy Surprise?


Actually, that idea is awesome. Let's do that.

ALSO: Children of the 80s: Did any of you EVER get more than three puppies in a Puppy Surprise? The tagline was "There could be three... or four... or five!" except there were never five. I feel used.
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32 comments :

  1. LMFAO! That was hilarious!

    I could never show that commercial to my youngest daughter--she'd be begging for a Puppy Surprise (she's still asking for an American Girl from our visit to NYC...).

    Thanks for the laugh.

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  2. I blame modern society. What with the food network and blogging and what not there's a cake for everything. Yea I don't know where I'm going with this so I give up.

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  3. LOL! Love the pregnancy test idea... "pigs in blakets...clams" ?! That's golden baby, golden!

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  4. OMG, the cake/pregnancy test party idea is hilarious. That could also apply to ovulation too, maybe women will start having parties for that too?

    At first when I saw the Puppy Surprise thing I thought they were Pound puppies...you remember those? Any who, that idea does seem awesome. :D

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  5. HILARIOUS. Thanks for helping me start the day off right, Una.

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  6. I always wanted one of those puppy toys!!!! in stead I just had to be happy with one of the little puppies that my friend (who was blessed with 5) gave me.

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  7. I totally had a Puppy Surprise.

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  8. Yum! Cake. I would take any excuse to eat some cake

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  9. And you can frame the puppies in a heart-shaped frame!

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  10. What a stupid idea. This gender party thing just goes to show you how self-centered we, as a society, have gotten. It's like Facebook has made us all believe that people really, truly care about the tiniest details of our lives, when in fact they are only mildly interested. Is nothing sacred anymore?

    I'm sorry I sound so bitter. I've been detoxing from Facebook for the last five days, and it's given me a lot of time to think about the effects of social networking on our lives. From the gender of our babies to what we eat for lunch, it seems like everything has to be somehow validated by other people in order to count towards...life, I guess. It seems like nothing is done in private anymore!

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  11. Yep, always three.

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  12. It does seem self centered to have another gathering to announce the sex.

    I remember the disappointing feeling of being wrist-deep in a Bunny Surprise one Easter really hoping that I would hit the jackpot. I think I only got two.

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  13. I guess just looking at the ultrasound is no longer viable. :P

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  14. I had totally forgotten about puppy surprise. I don't think I ever got one. I was such a deprived child.

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  15. Sounds like another excuse for women to be able to eat more cake to me.

    And laughing my ass off (yes I spelled it out)... my captcha is "retraine". So appropriate.

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  16. Anonymous2:16 PM

    imagine if your doctor wrote that you were having a boy AND a girl.. secret twins.. and then you cut into your cake and it's pink and you're like "oh great.. i have to sit through dance recitals for the rest of my life."

    ...but then half way through the cake guests start cutting BLUE slices and you're like "wtf?!??? now i have to go to football games too??? why am i even pregnant!???!?"

    or you could be happy when you see both colors.. that could be kind of amazing.

    and i had a 4 or 5 puppies puppy surprise and my sister was mad and stole one from me.

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  17. I am convinced there were NEVER more than three...my friends and I all had a puppy surprise and each had only three puppies.

    We felt scammed, hoodwinked, bamboozled.

    But looking back that was a shaweet commerical.

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  18. That cake looks absolutely delicious. Alas since I'm not pregnant, I think I'll just stop at the bakery on my way home and get some chocolate peanut butter cupcakes.

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  19. BEST POST! I completely forgot about Puppy Surprise! I never got one-- my parents were cheapskates so I missed out on this, Kid Sister, Popples and all the other good stuff. Except My Little Ponies. Those I had in abundance.

    A guy at work told me he and his wife did something like this. They went to a restaurant and gave the server the envelope, and said "If it's a girl, bring us a strawberry sundae! If it's a boy, bring a chocolate one!" I thought it was the stupidest thing ever. Seriously, just open the effing envelope! Watch, I bet you're right and "gender-learning" is going to become more and more ritualistic and dumb.

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  20. Oh god help us. Especially when the jam lines aren't clear. That's a serious conundrum.

    This brings so much more meaning to having your cake and eating it too. Or is it having your children and eating their designated colors given to them by a over gendered society?


    Green means...You've got aGgrinch in your belly! Holiday appropriate of course.

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  21. OMG, I LOVED puppy surprise. But would never have remembered it without the mention in your post. How do you remember these things? Do you have freakishly well-documented diaries from your childhood? Why are my memories of the 80' slipping away, why?!

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  22. This is amazing. Also, I'm pretty sure I had 4 puppies in my puppy surprise.

    And, once, when I opened a Magic Nursery doll package, I got a certificate that said my doll had a twin that you had to send away for in the mail.

    I was a lucky little girl.

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  23. Anonymous9:44 AM

    Hmmmm.... several baby posts lately... Anything you want to share?? :0) Or maybe getting into fertile frame of mind??:0)

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  24. I think I might prefer the cake method of notification because it would feel more like gambling.

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  25. I am beginning to realize that I don't understand anything about people who want to be parents. Why bother with all this crap? I do not get it!

    PS: Puppy Surprise!! I always wanted one of those!!!

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  26. ahh! puppy surprise!!!
    My friend had one, and I think she had four...but definitely not five!

    on the subject of childhood toys...
    your thoughts on Barbie now living in a townhouse and I see this year is her first privet jet and travel destination.

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  27. obviously a baker's union conspiracy. Don't fall for it. Or send your envelope to littleb and I. We'll make you a cake. Or play dough. Either or.

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  28. My sister's puppy surprise had 5! And I never forgave her.

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  29. I love that "Puppy Surprise" is a toy whose specialty and reason for existence is pregnancy, and how pregnant she can become.
    I remember just stealing the surprise puppies from other girls, or adding those mini premature pound puppies to my litter, shoving 'em all back up into that arbitrary plush hole.

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  30. Anonymous1:36 AM

    I TOTALLY HAD FIVE PUPPIES!!! (3 girls, 2 boys) and no sister to steal one of my GLORIOUS puppies!!

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  31. I just had to know, so I checked... You can totally buy a Puppy Surprise on Ebay. They have bunches of them! Really? Why? Who kept their's around all these years in good condition? Again, why?

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  32. Sassy. The puppy surprise is bullshit. There were never more than three!

    This is a great post. I linked it over at Kate's Library in my Friday Five.

    Have a great weekend!

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