Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Scene From A Marriage: Special Mad Libs Edition!

So here's the deal, people: I'm out of blog post ideas. I've been up late closing the paper and also finishing an article about Kevin Bacon, and a girl can only write so many pork product- and Footloose-related puns before she burns out.

So help me with this one, pretty please? It'll be fun! And then we can read it back to each other and snarf our thermos-fuls of Sprite and do each other's hair while we play M.A.S.H. and watch Willow*.

*Okay, now I'm actually really sad that we can't do this. Madmartigan was hawt.

Anyway. Here goes.

"SCENE FROM A __type of relationship__"


Scene: ______day of week___________. Jeff and I are in the _________room in house______. I have on _____ridiculous/pathetic item of clothing or unsavory acne-fighting product_______.

Me: ________inane question___________?
Jeff: _____bemused retort_____________.
Me: Whatever, Martha. You’re just __adjective____.
Jeff: _____sounds like the teachers from Peanuts_______.
Me: Twat? I’m sorry, I cunt hear you. I think I have an ear infucktion.
Jeff: ____line that’s funny but not as funny as me because I AM THE STAR OF THIS BLOG____.
Me: ___last word, preferably involving reference to the Jersey Shore and/or a Little Debbie brand snack cake__.
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12 comments :

  1. "SCENE FROM A Cousin"


    Scene: Sunday. Jeff and I are in the bathroom. I have on Harem Pants.

    Me: Where's the wine?
    Jeff: Under the sink, where it always is.
    Me: Whatever, Martha. You’re just drunk.
    Jeff: Whaa whaa whaa whaa whaaaaa whaaaa wha.
    Me: Twat? I’m sorry, I cunt hear you. I think I have an ear infucktion.
    Jeff: I said that we have to stop drinking so much on a Sunday morning. We're starting to look pathetic to your blog readers.
    Me: Psh. You're nutty bars. Now reach behind the Draino and get me a glass of Chardonnay.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Holy hell! I forgot about Willow. I love that movie. I'm sad now that I can't watch it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. OMG, TB -- you have skills. Can you be my ghostwriter?

    @cbs111: For real. At least now I gave you totally awesome weekend plans.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I was pretty proud of it myself, until I realized I made it "scenes from a cousin", which makes no sense. Oh well! Glad you liked it! :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. SCENE FROM A __ functioning life__"


    Scene: Friday.
    Jeff and I are in the HALLWAY. I have on parachute pants and pirate shirt.

    Me: Did you know that Obsession is the most requested boat name_?
    Jeff: Why? Did you buy a boat?.
    Me: Whatever, Martha. You’re just obtuse.
    Jeff: Yes, mam I can spell obtuse. Waah-wahhh-waaaah-waahhh-waaaahh-waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah ptthhhhht.
    Me: Twat? I’m sorry, I cunt hear you. I think I have an ear infucktion.
    Jeff: Tits! OK, I’ll Finger it Out.
    Me: I have a bad habit of playing little emotional games with men. When they date me it's cool in the beginning, we do our thing in the first month, and then I send them on a rollercoaster ride to hell.

    [i had to play]

    ReplyDelete
  6. Um, I was going to respond, but the first comment kind of kicked any creativity of mine in the ass.

    ReplyDelete
  7. SCENE FROM A GAY ORGY

    Scene: Purim. Jeff and I are in the secret basement laboratory. I have on Sea Breeze astingent and tie-dyed army print culottes.

    Me: What's the name of that ugly ass hooker on Jersey Shore?
    Jeff: Uh, hello? They're ALL ugly ass hookers, dontchaknow.
    Me: Whatever, Martha. You’re just blowsily passe.
    Jeff: Wawp wawp, wawp wawp wawp. Wawp wawpwawp wawp waaaawp!!
    Me: Twat? I’m sorry, I cunt hear you. I think I have an ear infucktion.
    Jeff: Is that a purple pube on your shirt?
    Me: Yes. It belongs to your cousin, Lil Ho Ho!

    ReplyDelete
  8. LOL This was fun!! You should do one of these once a week...;)

    ReplyDelete
  9. "SCENE FROM A superhero versus reformed stripper relationship fallout"


    Scene: A crap day of week - the it's even worse than monday!!! . Jeff and I are in the most unsafe room in house______. I have on yet more ridiculous/pathetic superhero Y-fronts which are only good for fighting acne.

    Me: Why did I revert from G-stings to G-fronts?
    Jeff: Look you dumb blonde, they're Y-fronts

    Me: Whatever, Martha. You’re just pant-ist.
    Jeff: Stop bleeting. You sound like my old teachers telling me to stop scratching my Peanuts.
    Me: Twat? I’m sorry, I cunt hear you. I think I have an ear infucktion.
    Jeff: Like an accidental line of coke that’s funny but not as funny as me because I AM THE MAN TO SAVE THE WORLD and thus could't give a flying backflip about your ears.
    Me: I would retort to that but my English ways have left me bereft of any knowledge of cool societal crutches such as shortcakes.

    ReplyDelete
  10. "SCENE FROM A DISCO MOVIE"


    Scene: Hump Day
    Jeff and I are in the bathroom.
    I have on short-shorts and go-go boots.

    Me: Are you a woman's man, no time to talk?
    Jeff: Since I was born.
    Me: Whatever, Martha. You’re just feelin' the city shakin.
    Jeff: Ah ha ha ha.
    Me: Twat? I’m sorry, I cunt hear you. I think I have an ear infection.
    Jeff: Got the wings of heaven on my shoes.
    Me:That is just fucked up .

    ReplyDelete
  11. "SCENE FROM A Polygamist Marriage"


    Scene: Friday
    . Jeff and I are in the "family" room. I have on overalls and a homemade avocado facial mask.

    Me: Do you know how babies are made?
    Jeff: It's only my favorite hobby.
    Me: Whatever, Martha. You’re just a player who marries his hoes.
    Jeff: Wa waa, wa waa, wa waaaaa.
    Me: Twat? I’m sorry, I cunt hear you. I think I have an ear infucktion.
    Jeff: Don't speak like that or the children might copy you at the homeschool co-op, and if they get kicked out you know what that means....
    Me: Noooo! There would all my time for gym, laundry, and tanning!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous12:33 AM

    SCENE FROM A MARRIAGE BETWEEN COUSINS

    Scene: Sunday after church. Jeff and I are in the bedroom. I have on pasties with tassels and a sparkly bikini bottom.

    Me: Should I swing them to the right or to the left?
    Jeff: Hon, you could put an eye out with those, and I don't mean the tassels.
    Me: Whatever, Martha. You're just jealous because mine are bigger than yours.
    Jeff: Waaa Waaa Waaa Waaa.
    Me: Twat? I'm sorry, I cunt her you. I think I have an ear infucktion.
    Jeff: Actually, mine are bigger.
    Me: We should talk about that, mood killer. I need some Little Debbie cakes.

    ReplyDelete

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