So when he showed up after work with flowers, it was extra romantic because I was in my underpants on an exercise ball trying to work my core without choking on my cough drop while waiting for America's Next Top Model to download on iTunes.
I promptly displayed them in our most exciting vase.
But wait! There's more!
Jeff: I also got you this... [lifts bottle of wine from bag]
Jeff: And this... [presents a Rocky Road bar, Chick-o-Sticks, and a handful of Mary Janes]
Me: OMG! I did the same for you, except without the flowers. It's like the gift of the Magi!
I show Jeff the bottle of wine I bought on the way home, and Petit Écolier cookies, the kind with the chocolate on top of the biscuit with the little schoolboys engraved on them.
Jeff: You know how I love schoolboys!
(Jeff is always trying to come out to me and I refuse to let him. True story: Right after we got married, we had our recessional and then got ushered into a little room to have a few minutes together before entering the reception area. I looked at Jeff. Jeff looked at me. We clasped hands. He said, "I'm gay." Jealous, ladies?
Anyway, I ignore him and turn my attention to the wine.)
Me: Let's open yours first, since it has a screw top!
Jeff: It's a Malbec... I got it because you like that.
Me: I have no idea what mine is. I got it because the guy at the wine store was having a tasting, and I felt awkward not buying it after I drank two Dixie cups.
Jeff: There's your blog for tomorrow. (I know--this is so meta it is totally blowing your mind right now.)
He is making fun of the fact that I feel obligated to spend money on things I do not want or need, like the time I answered the door expecting my Thai delivery man and instead found a canvasser for the New York Public Interest Research Group, who implored me to donate the minimum amount of $64... and I did. (In my defense I was confused... and hungry.) Or the time I got drunk and bought a monogrammed whiskey decanter just because I had a Pottery Barn gift card. (What? I was drunk! Someday I will use it or gift it to my nemesis, Uma Thurman.)