Sunday, November 7, 2010

Curmudgeon of the Week: Erin Bradley

Meet Erin, a young divorcee who heals by heckling your pre-teen on World of Warcraft. Likes include Matt Groening and watching babies cry in restaurants. Dislikes, well... read on, children.

Erin wrote that this "is the only pic I have that says to the world 'I hate you but damn, I look good hating.'"


Name: Erin Bradley (ugh, former last name contemplating going through the hassle of going back to my maiden name)

Blog: Reclaiming My Life. The name of my blog (castingrenew.blogspot.com) is from World of Warcraft, it was supposed to be symbolic of me healing from a divorce. I am that nerd who talks shit to your 12 year old son or daughter on World of Warcraft.

Age: 27, Oh the humanity, I'm getting older.

Location: Austin, Texas. Yes, it is hot here, no, not every town is like Varsity Blues... and get the image out of your head that Texas is a desert. It's not. Rolling hills, farmland, mountains, beaches, and some desert but not the whole state. I do say y'all. Get over it.

Occupation: I was working but now unemployed like half the nation. What can I say misery loves company, it was the peer pressure.

When did you first self-identify as a curmudgeon?
College. I was a late curmudgeon. I hated the people I went to school with. They were all forever doing the cliche things and were clueless to why I didn't participate and chose to actually study and work hard for my grades. And now, those crazy drunk idiots that couldn't write a paper are working for good companies traveling the world and I am stuck at home smoking cigs and hating them still.

Who's the curmudgeon (living or dead, historical or contemporary) you most identify with and why?
Matt Groening. The dude created the simpsons and wrote that movie Idiocracy. He held nothing back when it came to tearing apart how sad and pathetic the world could be if we keep going the way we are going. I am constantly amazed at how stupid we are becoming and I frequently bitch about it on my blog. I am sure my two friends that read it are like, WTF another bitchfest about society? Fuck yes, cuz he gets to do it all the time on a TV thats been running since I was running around in elementary school.

What do you hate that other people inexplicably love?
My cheating ex-husband. Apparently a lot of women love him. I was just the moron who married him first.

You are Dante, What, in order from least to most excruciating, are your nine circles of hell?
1. People driving while talking on the phone on the highway. I know I do it too but I am not laughing my ass off so hard that I cannot manage to stay in one lane.

2. Parents who are convinced today's music is horrible. Yes, lets keep that stereotype going. How many movies and how many times in real life do we have to hear or say "Turn off that noise! I don't know about music today" within every generation?

3. Body odor. I am sorry. I know there are certain cultures in which it is acceptable to smell like moldy ass but can you adhere to this one small thing? Is it really so hard to walk down the deodorant aisle and think maybe I smell like creeping death and thats why girls run away from me? Maybe I should fix that.

4. Girls or guys in college that tell me about their sexcapades like I am going to validate that they are doing a good job. Yes, you rock! You have inspired me to want to get not just one STD, but all of them.

5. People my age having a hissy fit when songs on the radio have curse words and their children repeat them. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Really? You rebelled in school against your parents because told you you can't listen to rap or rock bands because they said dirty things and here you are. Silly rabbit. Also these are the same chicks who will have a hissy when their 13 year daughter dresses like a hooker but oh how half of our high school have pictures of those same mom's looking like whores themselves back in the day.

6. I cannot stand having my phone ring off the hook every 30 minutes because someone needs not me, they need my car. "Can you take me to work?" Sure, then I pick you up and then all of a sudden I am on a scavenger hunt across the city because you fucking tricked me into being your chaffeur for the next 2 hours before I drop your ass off at work.

7. I cannot stand on facebook the constant bitching and moaning. There is always one or two people who apparently have such shitty lives they must make the rest of the facebook world join them in their misery. This is also the same person who: WRITES IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE THEY NEED TO FEEL ACCEPTED BY EVERYONE AND HAVE EVERYONE FEEL SORRY FOR THEM. Take your claw off caps lock and write like a human. The reason noone comments on your pity party is because noone cares day after day your life sucks. Maybe try less bitching and try actively to have a better outlook on life.

8. For the love of all things holy, I cannot stand people who talk during movies and not just at the movie theaters. No one wants to hear your running commentary on how bad the character in the movie looks. Shut the fuck up! I am trying to listen to what they are saying because at this rate I'll be explaining what is going on later and I can't do that when you are talking non-stop.

9. If you make me repeat myself, I will shank you. I cannot stand people who are like 2 feet to 5 feet from me and are looking at me and talking to me and when I respond you look at me like I just spoke kling-on. Then when I do repeat what I say a bit louder to where even GOD himself can hear me, you are still deaf and cannot hear me. After that you are fucked because I will not repeat myself. I could have told you that the glass you are holding has poison in it and you would have been all like HUH?

If you had the power to sign into law an amendment prohibiting a specific behavior, what would you outlaw?
I think there should be a law that prohibits people from changing lanes without using a blinker. Oh wait.... Why don't the cops punish people for that? It makes me scream like a banshee getting cut off by fuckers who cannot manage to flick their index and middle finger on the blinker handlethingamabob and let people know, Oh btw, I plan on moving one or two lanes over can you make sure not to hit me?

Let's lighten up. What makes you all warm and fuzzy inside (Your heart can't be completely charred)
I love cats and kittens and puppies. I pet them and my blood pressure drops and my impulse to kill goes down. And for some reason I love watching parents panic when their baby cries at a restaurant. I just smile and look at the cutey face that is turning tomato red and screaming. Soooo adorable. (yes, I realize this makes me a freak of nature, but I accept that)

What's your favorite curse word/phrase?
That would be "fuck" and any variation of that word. I got in trouble in 2nd grade for using that word. Bitch had it coming.

Essay Question: Please write a 100 word open letter to an object, person, or other entity that has recently incured your wrath.

Dear asshole brothers,
I love you both but can you stop calling me every fucking day to take you to work or to take you to the store? I am not a fucking cab or chaffeur. Paying in me breakfast or dinner is not payment. I want cash money bitches! Food just makes me fat as I sit in my car driving you around for hours on end. I don't know why I have to suffer because you both can't take care of cars. It's sad when I am 27 and you both are 39 and 40 and I am more responsible.
hugs and kisses,
your pissed-off sister.
P.S. I have a dozen or so curmudgeons on deck, so I'm not going to solicit any more submissions for a bit. But you won't be forgotten, thanks to the No Curmudgeon Left Behind act of 2009 (See? Obama gets some shit done. Stop hating.)
Share/Bookmark

9 comments :

  1. Having to repeat myself is one of my big pet peeves, too. Great interview! I'm curious, Sassy, do your interviews get a lot of hits? I wrote a blog post for an interview that I thought was really good, and didn't get much traffic...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey Tsaritsa!

    I actually don't know if the COTWs get more or less traffic than other posts. I've stopped monitoring traffic because I decided that I didn't want my content to be determined by how many hits any given post received. If I find out something I'm really proud of didn't get many hits that might depress me--I look at it like reading the nutrition facts on something delicious and fattening that you've already decided to eat.

    To try to answer your question, I suspect that, often, readers come to a blog to hear the blogger's voice, so may be less interested in interviews because it's not the voice of the person they came to read. I wouldn't let slow traffic dissuade you from doing interviews, though. It's your blog and you should post what you want to post. If you find it interesting, chances are a good chunk of your readers will, too.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hate to put on my "Defender of the Truth" hat, but Idiocracy was actually written by Mike Judge (genius behind Office Space and the severely underated King of the Hill).

    Judge and Groening are both guys that I would really like to meet and you can't go wrong with watching any of their respective creations.

    Just had to make a note because I'm a geek like that. *sigh*

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jill on the Pill5:56 PM

    I totally loved Idiocracy too! It completely explains why I have been married for 13 years but still have no kids. The Dow Jones Industrial Average is down, kids are expensive, the world is overpopulated.

    Meanwhile, our neighbors with an IQ of around 80 are going at it like rabbits. Go figure. The world WILL be buried under its own garbage someday soon, while people who recycle die off, and my neighbors insist that Jesus will take care of pollution and garbage. (I'm not kidding. I live in the Midwest.) *Argh!* Help me!

    ReplyDelete
  5. snort snort, damn now i have to go change my pants again. Damn you sassy curmudeons!!!s

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think I have just found out I am a curmudgeon...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hey Sassy, thank you for your input and answering my question! I am a bit obsessed with traffic reports, but you're right, it should not influence what I post. I'll continue with my interviews because I think they're fun.

    ReplyDelete
  8. not to be a bitch, but i make jason (the husband) repeat himself all the time, and it's not my fault that i make him repeat himself....

    it's just that he mumbles.... horribly....

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...