Friday, October 22, 2010

TGI...WTF? Le Chapeau de Jimmy

File this under another product that shouldn't exist.


Listen, France. You have Champagne, okay? You get to say that no sparkling white is Champagne unless it comes from your Champagne region. It's pretentious but it's okay because I prefer Prosecco. Anyway, you may have a monopoly on Dom Perignon but you do not get to claim all Trojans just because you have a town named "Condom." You don't see Dildo, Newfoundland peddling strap-ons, now, do you?

DO YOU?

No. Because the Dildoans are classy.

Also, "the original condom" suggests age, which may make wine better but probably shouldn't be used in reference to prophylactics. No girl wants to hear, "Baby, this one dates back to 1310. Get ready, 'cause I'm about to get medieval on your ass, pun intended." ("Original condom" is also false advertising unless your product is made from lamb intestines or animal horn, just FYI. Our ancestors were pretty desperate, and gross.)

And for two bucks a pop (ew, sorry), I think I'll stick to embarrassing myself at the Duane Reade.
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14 comments :

  1. so the line Dildoans are classy kind of made my morning. Thanks for that!

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  2. i have to admit, the packaging is super classy.

    am i the only person who has considered designing her own condom box? hahahaha.

    okay, enough laughing. seriously. like, getting a cute little wooden box that i can decorate TASTEFULLY and lacquer. not like decoupage photos of nigella lawson and keira knightly on.

    for awesome husband. OBVIOUSLY.

    but i mean, a nice little condom box would be so much classier than the ripped open economy size durex box that perpetually lives in awesome husband's nightstand drawer.

    am i right?

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  3. That picture makes it look as though these things are packaged like Russian nesting dolls. If that's the case, I can't imagine they sell many! Can you imagine reaching that crucial moment and opening the package only to find...another wrapper? And then again? I'll bet they're the most effective condoms EVER, because by the time you finally get to the freakin' condom you're like, just forget it.

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  4. Wow, that level of arrogance certainly takes the cake! You make excellent points on why their marketing concept is flawed. I'm just not buying (pun intended) condoms from Condom.

    http://rantersbox.blogspot.com

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  5. hey, going back to your older post of how embarrassing it is to buy condoms...I would go to a bigger store, that has self-check out lines. Then you still have the soul-killing awkwardness of being in the condom aisle, but at least you don't have to deal with another person when you pay for them.

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  6. Seriously I could *not* stop laughing at this post in the office. THANK YOU.

    But seriously those condoms are CLASS. If a guy pulled that shit out I'd be all "Damn, this dude is not fucking around."

    HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

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  7. I do think that the container does look elegant; but I'm not the normal purchaser of condoms. Do guys respond positively to the packaging.

    Champagne, Burgundy, Medoc and others are among the traditional provinces of France. Therefore, from their viewpoint, calling a sparkling wine champagne attests to its province of origin.

    I guess it would be like the French producing a wine and calling it Mississippi Red.

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  8. Really? Is there a Condom France? Where??

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  9. Safe, with elegance. Ha.

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  10. i'd switch the top of the lid with a tiffanys box, then when she thinks your about to propose...

    actually wait thats a horrible idea, just reminded me of jewelry box.

    only the most blinged out condoms for my girl, yo

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  11. In reference to the linked post: Once, a student saw me buying condoms at Wal Mart. And I teach 8th graders, so they were there with their parents. That was fun.

    I always enjoy your blog so much. I also eagerly await the Proj Run recap each Monday....don't judge me.

    Mondo rules.

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  12. It reminds me of those thin mints. If they make them chocolate mint flavored, they might be on to something

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  13. Or they could just pool their AOC (the acronym for snobby you-can't-steal-our-region-name products) resources and offer Champagne-flavored Condoms.

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  14. Anonymous5:55 PM

    I actually just bought these online and when they arrived they are absolutely beautiful. After reading this I just wanted to see for myself- I would buy these over and over again. They even sent me a complimentary pack of 3 and those didnt come in a bx but this little velvet envelope. I heart them ALOT. still a funny post though : )

    ReplyDelete

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