Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Texts From My Sister: Zoe at The Bat

Hello from my sickbed, where I will likely perish, seeing as I substitute candy corn for chicken soup at every opportunity. (What? It's in the shape of a vegetable. Plus, our can opener is broken and I'm not strong enough for the MacGyver-like operation required to access my Campbell's.)

Anyway, while I am busy ingesting high fructose corn syrup and coughing up my internal organs, please enjoy a new installment from my pithy, tech-savvy sibling:
So I have to write this paper on a fungal disease that grows on bats. Why does every article include a picture? Is it really necessary? No one wants to see that shit.
Also I have to write about how sad this is. Bats are gross, I am having a hard time pretending I am upset by this. 
Word, bats are evil. Plus, the last time I posted about bats on this blog I was also home sick. Coincidence?

(Probably.)
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23 comments :

  1. So, exactly what vegetable is the shape of a candy corn? Feel better soon!!

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  2. Duh, CORN.

    Or a quesadilla.

    :)

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  3. bats are really just rats with wings. they deserve fungi of all kinds.

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  4. Just don't let Batman hear you say that bats are evil! ;-)

    Feel better soon, Una.

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  5. Hmmm quesadilla. Seriously I've gained like fifteen pounds ever since I started blogging. Coincidence? I think not.

    Bats scare the crap out of me!

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  6. Bats, "though rats with wings", are important pollinators and they eat a ton of mosquitoes!
    C'mon, where is the Halloween spirit honoring these little guys!?

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  7. my brother used to keep pet turtles - one day I went to feed them and found a bat. A bat. Just chilling with Turtles. NOT OKAY. Thus, I support your sister's position.

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  8. Is your sister in the fifth grade? Halloween project!!!! You should lend her some candy corn and glue to work on her bat fungus illustrations.

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  9. My neighbor has bat decorations on her porch that she cut out of black foam. They are very cute and I want them for my very own. I'm currently devising a plan to "acquire" said bats when no one's home. Yeah, completely tangential, I know, but I really want those bats.

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  10. I've never understood how candy corn is supposed to look like corn. And I grew up amidst corn fields, so I know what corn looks like.

    Feel better soon!

    p.s. My captcha word is "unatura". It's like it knows what blog I'm commenting on. Creepy.

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  11. Sorry about the can opener prob. Where's Jeffy when you need him?

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  12. I offered to make soup for a sick Jeff. SURELY you believe I would make soup for you?!

    p.s. - my "security" word is unais.

    Una is... sick, apparently.

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  13. Dont' care how many mosquitoes bats eat, they're still CREEPY.

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  14. I love candy corn and have been snacking on it non stop for weeks now. It's quite sad, but it's so delicious I can't stop myself....

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  15. True Story: I dissected a bat in school...Gimmie a scalpel and point me in the direction of any bat and I will not only cut them open with the precision of any surgeon out there, but I will also flag and label all internal organs...Fungus or no fungus.

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  16. NO! The bats are dying out and it's really sad. Yes, fungus is gross but bats are REALLY CUTE! And they eat their weight in mosquitoes every damn day.

    BATS-- I SALUTE YOU!

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  17. I think Michael Keaton was a sexy bat and I woulda been very sad if he woulda been inflicted with a fungus. George Clooney too!

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  18. What kind of class requires one to write on specific types of fungi that affects bats?

    ...and if there is a god, why would he not make animals that eat pests like mosquitos a little easier on the eyes?

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  19. I will confirm that bats are effing disgusting. After an incident in June where the man and I found one hanging from our freaking shower curtain rod whilst in the middle of battling each other for bathroom time getting ready for my niece's birthday party. The hubs had to army crawl out of the tub while I tried not to puke and we are only grateful that there were no neighbors out back during our almost nude "Operation get the bat out the f@*cking house." Damn bats.

    Get better Una, being sick sucks!

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  20. RyzandShyn8:15 PM

    I hate getting candy corn that is old/hard/stale so I squeeze the corner of the bag to check it first. There's my tip of the day.
    Feel better.

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  21. The whimsical wind patterns produced by bats are going to transform the air travel industry? Minus the fungus, I mean. Do you not read the NY Times? Ok, agreed. Still gross.

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  22. Sister Zoe10:04 PM

    I know that the bats dying is fucking with the ecosystem and whatnot. I'm just saying I don't wanna see 20 pictures of a gross fungal infection called white-nose syndrome. Especially on a rat with wings. I appreciate what they do and all...but I Don't wanna see a dead fungus covered bat. Also, the class is a pre-req science class, and my teacher is really into giving us 5th grade level assignments.He's such a douche. Perhaps I will guest blog about it.

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