Tuesday, October 5, 2010

If I Had a Hammer...

For the past few days someone has been hammering on the other side of the wall.

Now, I am a native New Yorker, and have gotten to the point where I won't even look up from my Us Weekly when someone screams on the subway,* but this? Is getting to me.

Obviously the noise is annoying, but the creepy part is that it's always in the exact same spot. Seriously, it sounds like someone's tunneling into the back of our bookcase like in The Shawshank Redemption.

I almost want to go ring the neighbor's doorbell and tell them that if they want my collection of Janice Dickinson autobiographies so bad, they can just ask. Or I can always bury them under a rock in some stone wall out in the middle of nowhere if that makes it more poignant. Then opera music will swell and we can reunite on some faraway island where I spend my days building boats... except that A) I'm not a very good builder and B) I don't really want to hang out with someone who HAMMERS IN MY FUCKING WALL EVERY NIGHT while I am trying to recap reality TV shows and do half-assed squats at the same time.

*It is almost always a thirteen to fifteen year-old girl, but apparently the MTA does not care. Apparently the 'something' in "When you see something, say something" does not apply to 'assholes.'


  1. That's weird, maybe you should leave a note. Why are they hammering at night time, anyway?

    I've been hearing this odd tapping noise at my window for a while now, always at night.

  2. That is so effing annoying! I have some yet unidentified neigbor who snores like his sleep apnea mask fell off in the middle of the night. Every night it is the same horrible sound. May I please borrow that hammer?


  3. Have you considered hammering back? Perhaps at, say, three in the morning? Just a thought.

  4. I sympathise deeply! There's nothing worse than the perpetual sound of hammering. Except maybe the perpetual sound of drilling. Or trumpets. Or the sound of someone on a running machine in the flat upstairs. But hammering's definitely the worst.

    What I'm saying is, I can relate.

  5. I had a drummer neighbor. She liked to get loud as the kid was layed down for a nap. Earphones connected to the tv? pound on the wall? a note taped to their door?

  6. Kristin4:50 PM

    I've been reading your blog for a little while now (actually, since my sister found you in the 'blogs of note') but haven't commented.. but I just want to tell you I love you and think you're hilarious.

  7. I like Janina's idea. I think it works. The people who live above me get really hyper sometimes and bang on their floor; when it gets excessive, I just use a broom to bang on the ceiling and they stop jumping on the couches or whatever they were doing. Good luck!

  8. You should totally put on a ragged bathrobe like the weird neighbour on Friends, show up at their door and tell them they are keeing your cat awake.
    Or, just pound back on the otherside of the wall.

  9. Is it a rhythmic pattern? Or more random? First thing that comes to mind is a pet woodpecker. Although common sense would tell me it's someone in trouble trying to reach you via Morse Code.

  10. PS: I used to be able to hear my twerpy neighbor Russel masterbating. If you met Russel, you would not be entertained.

  11. I like that you do half-assed squats. Squats and lunges are the bane of my existence which is likely why I have not attempted either for approximately six monthss now. And therefore why my thighs are always in touch with one another.


  12. Anonymous11:05 PM

    I always thought my parents were strangely anti-social for insisting they live on an acre of ground just so they wouldn't have neighbors living too close.

    Then I moved into my own condo where I share a wall with the most annoying man alive. Where we cannot open the window at the same time his window is open lest our home is invaded with the scent of rotting fish that perpetually seeps from his hell-hole! And, where his hideous dog howls for hours on end!

    Take the damn thing for a walk already!

    ...I jut figured since everyone was bitching I would join in the fun. I feel for you.

    I like your blog. It makes me happy!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...