Thursday, September 16, 2010

Jeff's Beef With Lady GaGa

When I saw Lady Gaga on the cover of Vogue Hommes Japan—and then at the VMAs—wearing head-to-toe looks made of raw meat, my first thought was not “Ew!” or “What a waste of a good prime rib!” or “Shit! Now ‘beef drapes’ will never leave the lexicon.”

My first thought was, “Jeff will be so jealous.”

You see, my husband went through a meat phase.

Not eating it—he does plenty of that, to the point where he actually got gout at the age of 21, and is known to chew on whole salamis as if they were Fudgsicles. No, Jeff just got really interested in photographing it.
 Turns out uncooked bacon looks better than my real hair.

Like, remember that glass head he bought me for the first birthday we spent together?

One day I came home to find it wearing a wig and filled with ground beef.

I know what you’re thinking: Una! Get out of the house!! It puts the lotion in the basket!!!!

But Jeff is not a serial killer. That I know of. He just spent a few months in his youth ordering cow eyeballs over the Internet, and really, haven’t we all had quarter-life crises?

(He hung them on our Christmas tree, after we’d stripped off the lights and ornaments. Then he put them back in their formaldehyde container in the office closet and forgot about them for a few years until it smelled like we were living in a funeral home.)

That's not the only way in which Jeff has beaten Lady Gaga to the punch, of course, but I he doesn't want me to put up any photos of his red lace veil or hair bow phases, so that will be a post for another day.


  1. i am entranced by the photo of the cow's eye hanging on the xmas tree, with those sterile-looking wrapped meats wearing bows, like gifts.

    i'm sure this photo has some deep meaning about consumerism or the consuming of other living beings or the consumeristic nature of the holiday season or the fact that shopping for christmas gifts will lead us to eating each other alive (remember the tickle me elmo fights at your local mall?).

    i'm sure it has meaning like that. but i don't care because i love it that much.

    ALSO. ordering cow's eyes off the internet seems like such a creepy thing to do.

  2. Um....I really have no words. Go Jeff?

  3. OMGGGGG eyeballs on the Xmas tree: equally brilliant and creepy.

    Gaga would so approve.

  4. Jeff, that's just gross.

  5. Wow. Ew. What's up with that?

    ^ yeah, I really don't know what to say about this one. I think your husband is a bit strange.

  6. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit....cow eyeballs? really?

  7. Mmmmmm... bacon hair.

    Also, nothing strange about enjoying a good salami or pepperoni stick.


  8. Come on, guys -- he's just expressing himself with raw beef. He's not weird, he's an ARTIST.

    Obviously I'm totally in love with him, because I didn't even consider the fact that you guys would think he was weird. I find it a charming quirk, probably because it's firmly in the past.

    Also, sorry, honey, for exposing your freak flag in this way.

  9. I love weird photography! YES JEFF, YES.

  10. arn't most guys obsessed with their meat?

  11. I laughed so hard at the "it puts the lotion in the basket" reference...still your blog! :)

  12. I swear I'm not crazy. I just like meat.

  13. I feel the need to say now "that's what she said" after Jeff's comment lol

  14. I was ok up until the eyeballs. And now I really just want to put up my Christmas tree. Sans eyeballs.

    Jeff, read back your comment.

  15. Perhaps I should put him in contact with my cousin who is a millwright for slaughter-houses. He has barns full of abatoire surplus. He once told me that he wished and artist would come along and make it into "something." We're talking barrels of knives and machines that remove spines. OOOK!

  16. What a creative idea for a Christmas ornament! You should give them out as gifts. Love the bacon hair.

  17. Your hubby is awesome. I adore when people put morbid but funny ornaments on their christmas tree. The photo is very artsy and unique. Kudos to outing his freak flag :)

  18. What T-Rex's house would look like during the holiday's, if they were still around...

  19. Your husband must be part lion, which isn't a compliment in my part of the world. I could send him a pair of baboon testicles if he's interested.

  20. Creepy.

    Yep, creepy.

    Gaga would be proud though!

  21. Hmm..I don't find it creepy, just creative. It's just the way artists think and what makes them interesting. There's enough people taking macro pictures of fruit, a little raw bacon on an eerie head is a nice break from that.


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