I know this will come as a shock, but I am not, generally, a relaxed type of person.
I mean, I have my moments. Like when I'm sleeping. Only even then I can't relax too much because one time--ALLEGEDLY--I farted in my sleep and Jeff has never let me live it down. So I have trained myself to clench even while unconscious.
But when I'm not dreaming/toning my glutes I'm usually pretty stressy. I pound caffeine. I make lists. I compulsively check email. I walk fast, I talk fast, I eat fast. Every once in awhile I'll make a conscious effort to slow down. I'll take deep breaths, which make me instantly high because my lungs are used to surviving off of Diet Coke fumes and the brief inhalations required in order to sigh wearily. Or I'll take a yoga class and spend the deep relaxation time mentally shopping online for cute fall flats. Or I'll get a massage and then ruin it by going someplace like Soho or Herald Square, parts of the city that are so teeming with tourists that it takes ten minutes to walk a single block (when I can't walk quickly my shoulders try to overcompensate by rising up to earlobe level, as if I have go-go-Gadget wings that simply refuse to deploy).
Again, the lone benefit is muscle tone. "You have a sexy back," Jeff told me yesterday, and before I could even start singing the Justin Timberlake chorus at an inappropriately loud volume he added, "It must be all the stress."
The thing is, I'm over being so tightly wound. I'll take some back flab if it means I don't wake up every morning filled with anxiety. I just need to make some changes that'll stick. Obviously, I'm going to start by wearing an oversized tee-shirt round the clock that says "TOO BLESSED TO BE STRESSED*." And farting in it, in my sleep. But what else? Suggestions welcome, as long as they don't involve cutting out sugar or alcohol or my iTunes season pass to The Jersey Shore.
*When people wear this tee-shirt, I want to kick them right in the ass. I think I might be too stressed to be blessed, you guys.