Thursday, September 2, 2010

Embarrassing Memory in Honor of 9/02/10

Duh-nun-duh-nun, duh-nun-duh-nun--TAP TAP!

Do you know what day it is?

It's 9/02/10. Oh, YES. It is the greatest day of our time, a day to celebrate and reflect upon the greatest show of, um, sometime.

I very sadly don't have time to devote to chronicling my long love affair with 90210, so instead I offer up the following entry from the classified files of Una's Secret Shames (see also: Look in Butt, 1st tampon usage):

In 1991 and 1992--the height of 90210 mania--my friend Adri and I would to go to the deli about once a month, buy BOP and 16 and Tiger Beat, come home, tear out all of the softcore, acid-wash porn posters, and lay them on the floor side by side until we had a carpet made of hairless, preteen lust. Adri was in love with Brian Austin Green and so had dibs on anything with him in it.

I somehow ended up with a giant blow-up photo of Shannen Dougherty.

On a Shetland pony.

Which I hung prominently.

In my bedroom.

In my defense, I was still figuring out my sexuality, okay?


  1. Wow. I had completely forgotten about my obsession with BOP, Tigerbeat and 16 until this hi-larious post!
    AND I totally had (and still have in the attic somewhere) my 90210 trading cards. I believe in every card at least one person was wearing acid-washed jeans with the ever-so-cool rip at the knee, thigh, or other body part. You know, where it was sexy yet classy to show that kind of skin in those kind of pants. Exactly.
    Happy 9-02-10 day!

  2. LOL! Shannen Doherty should be your blog mascot. She's not funny, but she was the premature curmudgeon back in the day. And I betcha there's a unibrow in her past.

  3. Oh, how I miss the glory days of Beverly Hills 90210, before they dropped the "Beverly Hills" part. The first few seasons were magical. I remember the shock and awe I felt when they killed off poor, unpopular Scott at his own birthday party.

    Man, that was messed up.

  4. hi, sassy curmudgeon =)
    my name is Cori and it's my birthday tomorrow, so I was just wondering if you could shout-out in your blog. I would be very excited =p Thankyou!

  5. ew- never did like her. ever. if I were lesbian I wouldn't like her either. The Jenny girl form that show, maybe.

  6. Haha, that's awesome. I totally glommed this 9/02/01 thing for my facebook status update.

  7. my walls were a mess of brian austin green, bret michaels, warrant, nkotb, omg i can't believe i'm admitting any of that. i'd make my dad buy me bop or whatever like once a week and then basically papered my walls with the photos.

    my mother was livid. mostly because i used tape and had begged her to paint the walls pink. and you couldn't even see the walls anymore. huh.

    anyway, i think it's HORRIBLE that no one did a 90210 marathon today. horrible. aaron spelling is spinning in his diamond-lined grave.

  8. In honor of 9/02/10, I must confess that I never watched even a single episode. But I love your embarrassing story.

  9. I LOVE 90210! I didn't realize that it was 9/02/10 today....and my first thought was "OH! I'll have to remember that for next year." And then my 8th thought was "Wait next year will be 9/02/11 which doesn't have quite the same ring to it."

  10. Ohhhhh...I just got it! 9.02.10. Heh heh. I also had a thing for Shannen Doherty. But I wanted to BE her.

  11. I didn't realize that it was 9/02/10 until you wrote it as the title...and then my first thought was of Beverly Hills 90210. Then your post was about it. Win.

  12. I also was a huge fan of 90210! But a poster of Shannen Dougherty ? Seriously, is that how you spell her name? wtf? 'Dougherty' makes me think of dough, which, also makes me think of her face being molded out of clay/dough; explaining why one of her eyes is lower than the other. I digress... I haven't even had any coffee yet. Anyways, thanks! I needed a laugh.

  13. ummm i was def. too young to watch this show when it aired, but i watched it anyway! it taught me that sex will get you pregnant, that musicians were sexy, and that blonde's have more fun while brunettes remain angry and resentful! it showed me i had something to look forward to in high school... if i could only meet a brian austen green look alike and have a twin! lol great post :)

  14. Ahahaha.


    So is your sexuality all figured out now?

    I hope not, as that sounds terribly boring.

    Shannon Dougherty on a Shetland Pony.


    Not boring. Funny.

  15. Although I enjoyed watching, 90210 was the catalyst for one of my greatest annoyances.. people who insisted on calling me 'Ohndrea'.


    That being said, I had a pretty bad pre-teen obsession with Eddie Furlong, after seeing Terminator 2. Eventually my Bop and 16 posters were replaced with Circus and Hit parader long-hair and ripped jeans softcore, and Eddie Furlong was replaced by Eddie Vedder. Ohm.

  16. When I first read this, I thought your see also posts were just one post (Look in butt, 1st tampon usage.) I thought, Dear God, something went seriously wrong for her there. Yikes.

  17. hmmmm Shannen Dougherty on a horse? hhhmmmm...... oops!

  18. can we all agree our favorite 90210 moment was when tori spelling got thrown down the stairs by her boyfriend??

  19. It's true, I was a Brian Austin Green hog. I'm more than happy to let you and Megan Fox fight over him now. And if she still wins, at least Jeff is a better consolation prize than that wonky-eyed Doherty.

  20. I loved 90210....and this makes me sad but it took me a few minutes to figure out that BOP and the others were magazines. Ones that I adored in my teen years!

  21. I was such a non-normal little girl. I'm the same age as you, but in 1990, when my ten-year-old peers were keeping up with 90210 and sportin' New Kids on the Block in their bulky neon Walkmans, I was wearing all black and banging my head to Metallica.


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